Family Drama/Trauma

[Blue Dragonfly]

Advice, suggestions, comments please . . .

My dh and I have just had a weekend of major drama/trauma. We were really good at communicating, but there were many tears, sadness, lots of unhappy emotions. We were very careful not to yell at all.

However, my ds (1 year) was witness to much of what was going on. I kept telling him that Mama and Dad were working things out and we were feeling sad and sometimes angry, and dealing with lots of messy emotions, which is ok. We love each other and love him. I do want him to know that emotions can be messy and not feel good, but I do feel somewhat guilty at the same time.

Beyond that do you think its necessary to do anything more for his emotional health? He doesn't seem disturbed, and I am prepared for him to get emotional about things. Do you think we should have shielded him more? Is it ok for little ones to see unhappiness that is communicated appropriately?

Thanks, Rebecca

[boongirl]

Sounds to me like you were being honest with him and sympathetic. I don't know that I would do anything differently unless this starts to happen repeatedly. Then, counseling for all would be helpful. But, it is normal and very human to have disagreements and feel sad and angry. I think kids need to see these emotions and also see how we resolve them in a productive and effective way. That way, they can learn how to solve their problems and express their emotions in a healthy way.

Personally, I was brought up a very emotionally dysfunctional household and we try hard to show my nearly 3 year old the whole range of human emotions. And we try hard to show her that we handle those emotions appropriately and in a healthy manner. I think those are good lessons to learn.

[raleigh_mom]

My dds have certainly seend DH and I fight. We've gotten really mad at each other and yelled in front of the kids. But what I'm sure to do is to let the kids see us work it out, too. I've talked with them about the fact that everyone, including Mommy and Daddy, fight. Heck, my kids fight with each other every day. But we also love each other dearly. Like the pp, the kids have seen the range of emotions. I want them to know that it's ok for people to fight and make up. A little fight between parents doesn't mean they are about to get divorced. We are also very careful not to use the kids as pawns. I don't say bad things about DH to my kids. If they ask questions, I just say we are cross, or that we don't agree about the issue.

In case it sounds like we fight all the time - we don't.