Where to go?

[Aka mommy]

Im not sure if this is the correct forum, but i hope so.

Im a SAHM of a 27 month old and a 3 months old. With #1 dd i had felt 100% confident in my parenting abilities and the way my daughter was progressing in all aspects of her life. Then came along #2 and i am being stretched so thin that dd#1 is just not getting what she needs from me. She is very high needs and always has been. I fear that if she does not get the interaction/ attention she needs that all the work and effort and heart we have put into the last 2 years of her being a heathily attached child will go down the tubes. So I am swallowing my pride and hurt heart and agreeing to my dh's request of starting her in preschool if we can find one we all (especially her) is happy with.

Where do i begin? I know there are many alternative forms of education out now and we are in northern cali, so i have access to most of them. But i do not have time to thoroughly research each and every option, as i so desperately would like to do. I do not want to push a stringent setting on her where they insist she speak spanish by the end of the year. But i would like it to be something where she can enjoy herself, interact with children and adults, gain what confidence she has lost since her sis has arrived. Not to mention i would like her to learn social skills in interacting with children her age as she doesnt have much opportunities to do that now. What about cost. We would love to provide the best for her, but are not sure we can afford it. Does anyone have the costs of diff programs and schools ( an average)? And lastly my daughter is not vaccinated beyond the 9 month marks. We do not intend on further vaccinating due to a bad reaction from her last sets. Will this pose a problem and make it harder to be accepted?

Thank you so much for any and all info as this decision is really the hardest i have yet to make as a mother and i desperately want to make sure it is the correct choice for her. Inside i feel so guilty, like im trading off my daughter for someone else to raise when i should be perfectly capable of doing it myself.

[boongirl]

First of all, don't feel guilty that you want to put your child in preschool. She may love it. At her age, you are most likely looking at daycare leading into preschool when she is 3.

Do you know other moms with kids in daycare/preschool? If not, here is my advice:

My dd is in coop preschool right now. You could google the words coop preschool and your town or county and you might find some. They are generally less expensive because you work a few hours a week there. For example, my dd goes two ams a week and I work one of those days and we pay $70 a month. Next year, she could go 3 or 4 ams a week and I would pay closer to $100 a month but still work just one am.

You could also try searching the National Association for the Education of Young Children website for accreditead programs near you. This is where I started in my search for preschools. Click on information for families and you can start your search. Accreditation does not mean you will love the school but it does mean that they have worked hard to get it. And, it is a way to start searching.

I started by looking at websites and calling the directors. I want a non-profit program or one that is not owned by a corporation because I don't want a portion of my child's tuition to go to share holders. I want it all to go to the school. You should think about what you want in a school. I don't want my child in a home-based preschool because I want her to have access to more materials and field trips and a large playground. But, some home preschools are wonderful, small and intimate. It just depends on what you want.

I also looked at their websites to see what they could tell me about the program. There are many different programs out there. You can read around this forum to find info on Waldorf, Montessori, and others. I want what is called "emergent curriculum" which means they just do things that are developmentally appropriate and they don't push the kids academically yet they understand what preschoolers need. You might like what read about other programs.

After I found the programs that sounded good, I started making appointments to visit. The phone manner is important to me as it is the first impression. If they seem hurried, stressed, and don't return calls, that does not make a good first impression. Once I get to the preschool, I am looking at the things that are important to me: fresh air, sunshine, nice playground, safety, low staff to child ratios, healthy foods, lots of activities, field trips done safely, arts and crafts, sensitivity of teachers to students. I also ask about discipline.

As for your last questions, I have no idea about whether preschools will take a child who is not vaccinated. Mine is. I would just make that one of your questions. And, as for cost, that varies. In Seattle, I am finding that the preschool cost anywhere from $300 to $1200 a month, depending on how many days your child attends and for how many hours. And that is for a potty-trained 3 year old. Younger children cost more. Also, corporate owned preschools cost more than non-profits. And, many non-profits will offer price breaks if you qualify.

One thing I am not certain about is how to check into a schools history. If I find a school I like, how do I know it has a safe history? Maybe I could ask for references?



Good luck in your search. It is daunting, I know.

[lauren]

Boongirl gave some wonderful suggestions. I remember feeling the exact same way about getting my ds into preschool after my first daughter was born. And he really loved it and thrived in it, and I think we all did better for his being there!!

The vaccination question is more about the state law than the actual school. I'm pretty sure that a school has to accept whatever state law is. So if there is a medical or philosophical exemption in CA, then the school should have a form for you to sign stating your exemption.

I agree that NAEYC accreditation can be important, though some great preschools might not have it yet because getting accredited is very time consuming and daunting. I think you want to look for teachers that really have developmental education, and LOVE children, and are also supportive of your attachment to your child.

I'm sure others will pipe in here too. I hear baby waking!

[Kirsten]

I wouldn't beat yourself up about finding the transition to two kids a big deal. It is hard. I have three kids and found that the transition from one kid to two was the hardest. Harder than the transition from childless to dd1. Harder than the third baby (now we are outnumbered) was.

And I don't think that the two years you have loved and nurtured her are going down the tubes. She has to transition just like you and dh do. That transition is challenging and she is only two. Give it a little time; you will all feel so much better in a few months! And having a sister is going to be such a joy in her life - try to remember that when they both need you at the same time and you feel that dd1 is getting the short end of the stick. Think ahead a year or two, when they will both be playing together and you are hearing their laughter as you make dinner. That day will come.

Where I live, preschool doesn't start until three. Our cutoff in this state is August 31st. So to start school in September, the child has to turn three by August 31st. Don't know about California, but in my state your dd1 would have another year before she could start preschool. Most preschools here I should say - there are a few who will start at 2.5 but they are usually the more expensive ones.

Costwise - co-ops are great ($60-70 bucks a month for two half days for the three year olds) but you have to work one of those days (some places it is just once a month though) so that is harder with a little one. Both my dd1 and dd2 did co-op when they were three and it was fantastic. Dd3 will go in the fall; I am really looking forward to it.

My kids do a NAEYC preschool (classic drop off - not co-op and not Montessori and not religiously based) when they are four. It is usually three or four half days a week, no direct parent involvement required. Those are $250-350 a month around here.

The Montessori down the street from me (SO convenient but I never used it as it just isn't a fit for us) is six hours a day, $800 a month, starts at age 2 1/2. Some people swear by Montessori; it just didn't ever feel right to me and my dd1 HATED it when we went and checked it out (just so I could feel I'd looked into all options). For us, too strict and cold (not temp, emotionally).

You could look into toddler groups - maybe hop into a class right now if there is space! Dd3 and I are in one now and love it. We go together one morning a week. It is like preschool for toddlers, and the moms stay. So cheap they are giving it away - think it is $15 a month! Some allow you to wear your infant but I really think the one-on-one time with your dd1 is what both of you need right now. I know your dd2 is only a few months old, but do you have your mom or sister or best friend nearby that could watch her those two hours? Or could dh go in early that day and not take a lunch and be home with dd2 during that time - just two hours once a week?

I really think that each child needs to have their own special "thing". Preschool or toddler group can be that. Something special just for them. Not about the baby at all.

And if toddler group doesn't work out, maybe an in-home daycare a half day or one day a week? My dd1 and dd2 are in school (4th grade and kindergarten) and I am home with dd3 (age 2 1/2). She is not a "pleaser" like the first two were. She tests every limit and pushes every button and can never be distracted with a "let's look out the window for birdies!" I have three kids; I should know how to do this by now, right?? But I decided to take a "sanity day". One day a week so goes to the in-home daycare of a friend of mine. Some Fridays it is just a half day, some it is 9:30 or 10:00 til 5:00. She plays with another two year old girl, and they have a dog (we don't and she loves dogs), and there are new and different toys there. I am honestly a different person since I started taking a day for myself. Sometimes it is just errands and dentist appointments, sometimes it is fun stuff like lunch with my sister and shopping for new jeans. But I know that almost every week I have one day that I am responsible only for myself. It is heaven!

Sorry this ran LONG..... I hope there is something here that might be helpful to you. It will be better once you all make the transition. You are not a bad mom, transition is just hard!

[Lousli]

I'm in northern CA too, so I know about the costs of childcare here, it is astounding, isn't it? Anyway, my dd started Montessori at around that age, her school actually does take children as young as 18 months. Many places will take younger, non potty-trained kids, but they sometimes cost a little more than the older ones. She loves her Montessori school, but it is a pretty laid-back one (they don't insist on the jobs being used the "right" way for example.) I know you don't have a lot of time to shop around, but I'd try the finding your tribe forum to get suggestions from other moms in your same town. Or try to ask any moms that have kids her age and older where they have gone with their kids. Then maybe you can just visit a few schools as opposed to being overwhelmed with choices.

[Aka mommy]

I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words of incouragement and reassurance as well as your advice and tips. It makes it a little bit easier to know what i feel has been felt by others.

I did a little research today in what few spare minutes i found. I was able to call up and all the places said as long as i fill out the paperwork properly dd not being vaxed is not a problem. I have left a few messages on some, and the others were able to answer my questions over the phone. I did not realize how pricey some of these places are!!! The ones that i called today ranged from kindercare to merryhill school and the phoenix schools. Pricing was any where from $100-$200 a week for 3 half days. YIKES. But i wont make any decisions til i can visit the schools and let my dd try it out. Thank you again

[boongirl]

Originally Posted by Aka mommy

I did not realize how pricey some of these places are!!! The ones that i called today ranged from kindercare to merryhill school and the phoenix schools.

That is because you were calling for profit schools owned by large corporations. Those are always pricey. Kindercare is owned by Knowledge Learning Corp. Merryhill is owned by Noble Education Dynamics. These are both large corporations that take a portion of what you pay in tuition and pay their ceo's and other administrators big fat paychecks. They are also beholden to the shareholders. I used to work for Nobel, before I realized what for profit schools are about. They were always telling us to use less paper, buy fewer materials, cut costs, cut cost, cut costs, raise profits, raise profits.....

You will pay more and get less from a school like these.

[Aka mommy]

What about phoenix are they for profit? Can i just ask when i call if they are a not for profit? I have found absolutely no co-ops yet. And to be quiet honest, the home daycare/preschools ive called i just dont care for. Some have had dogs barking like mad, another a woman who answered obviously smoked a pack a day lol. I dunno, im just so picky. But i will find something.

[Kirsten]

Did you say you are in Phoenix? I went to www.naeyc.org (National Association for the Education of Young Children) and just click on "accreditation" in the list on the top left. Then click on "search for a program" and you can enter your city. I put in Phoenix and got 90 preschools. Now some of those may be the type you've already found. But surely there must be some that aren't.

You should be able to find something around $60 a month for co-op (you can find co-op preschools if you call the local community colleges - most here are run through them, not necessarily based nearby at all) to $300 a month for classic drop off. $100-$200 a week can't be the type of preschools I'm assuming you want. Around here there are some daycares that call themselves preschools. I'd avoid those.

I'm going to see if there are any co-ops listed from your local community colleges....

[Kirsten]

Another idea...

If you go to your local (or neighboring local) Parks and Rec website (or ours has catalogs at the public libraries), there are preschools there too.

Every year (where I am) there are many preschool information nights - where a dozen or more preschools all are in the same place at the same time so you can gather brochures, see pix of what they do, talk to the teachers, and sign up for visits at their schools. Our local toddler groups (again, run through the community colleges) host these. My MOMS Club has also hosted them annually. I looked online and found that a mom/baby club had just hosted one in Phoenix in January somewhere (I didn't commit to memory since it was over).

Most preschools register in January and February so you really do want to find something now if you want her to go in September.

[Aka mommy]

Kristen thanks for the info! Im actually in sacramento area in california. I was just referring to a preschool named The Phoenix School, but they are a corporation run preschool. I have found a few interesting preschools that i really like the concept of but dd must be potty trained and they dont have openings til june. She regressed a few weeks ago due to my dh's new work schedule and ive been slacking on getting her back on thepotty. But i think i have enough time. Anyways, these are private preschools on small farms. One is on 4 acres another is on half an acre. They have lots of outdoor time and interaction with safe farm animals. They really focus on evolving their cirriculum around the child fitting into the world from their perspective (the childs not adults perspective) which i feel is really important. I will have to go and check the place out. I also have to visit the local montessori as i dont exactly understand their motto. The college is only 5 mins away but when asked they said their co-op is only for registered students and to try to contact the first 5 program. But that is for low income and we make too much to qualify. In regards to the daycares posing as preschools, that infuriates me. Just state which you are already lol. Thanks again

[MOM2ANSLEY]

I wonder if this is why dd has suddenly been interested in school???
We started her 3 1/2 days a week, She LOVES it. It is more structured than I like, but dd loves the classwork. If I could have afforded I would have done montessori. The pragram we started is in a church that schools 2yrs -12th grd. If you are not opposed to religious aspect you could consider that too. And it is VERY affordable. And as far as Vax, if dd had a reaction she could be medically exempt...I think, pretty sure