I need some direction

[mommaem]

I would really like some advice and thoughts. Weve decied that spanking will not be an ok way for punishment and i really like gd however i dont know if i am fully informed about gd. I know the basics (i think) however i need books or websites that can help build my understanding and incorperating/ practicing. I have a 6 month old son and i'm not sure how to handle things...as far as saying no or just redirecting. I dont want to get in the habit of saying no or ignoring his behavior. And i know he doesnt understand fully at this age. and especially since hes a boy i want him to be able to express his feelings at all times. i'm not sure i have the complete confidence yet...i go over situations in my head (when hes older ) and what i would do and i feel confident than. Ithink i may ot have all the knowledge and info yet. Both my partner and i were raised with harsh discpline and riged expectations and i DONT want to fall in to that EVER. So i just need some guidence and direction, especailly for those of you who have gone through it and practice it. And thats the thing i dont want to just practice it i want us to live by it. I feel very strongly about not spanking or intimadatin or hiting or any type of verbal abuse. I would really greatly apprecaite if you momas could help me out.
Thanks
Momma em

: : 07-23-05 :2bfbabe:

[aira]

My favorite:

www.naturalchild.org

[sunnysideup]

When you're first starting out with GD I think it can be really helpful to do some reading. Since your little one is only six months-old, now is the perfect time to start. There is a sticky at the top of the forum with some book recommendations. You might want to check out Adventures in Gentle Discipline. I also really recommend Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.

[Piglet68]

Oh yes, the Natural Child Project is an excellent place to start.

What I have found in my journey of GD is this. First, you find a philosophy that you wish to follow. Then, when faced with a situation that requires you to discipline, you choose ways that fit into your philosophy. For example, if you read "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, you may decide that you want to raise your child without using punishments and rewards. So then when you are faced with a situation you are having trouble with, like for example your child is turning the TV off and on all the time, you will immediately eschew such suggestions as smacking his hand, putting him in timeouts, etc. Then you'll come here and get a whole bunch of great ideas you can try.

Seriously, though. So much of GD is YOUR attitude. How you view things. Is a child's tantrum a bad behaviour that must be stomped out as soon as possible? Is it something you feel anxious about and need to end by cheering them up in any way possible? Or is it something that elicits calm sympathy from you, such that you embrace the child and validate their feelings with them?

So, read read read. Decide what fits with you, what doesn't. Know that this is a journey. There are no pat answers. But when you start reading and start developing a feel for what you DON'T want to do, then you can come here and get great ideas for what you can do instead.

[DevaMajka]

My favorite gd books:
The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff http://www.continuum-concept.org
not so much a parenting advice book, but I got a lot of wonderful information from it, as to how children are supposed to be treated

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (directed at kids up to 5 years old) http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
There are some things I don't totally love about it, but it has a lot of good info on WHY kids do what they do, and how best to respond.

Loving Your Child is Not Enough by nancy samalin - my first real gd book http://www.samalin.com/
(pretty similar to How to talk so your kids will listen, and Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon)
Some other stuff by Gordon- http://nospank.net/gordon4.htm

and I love www.naturalchild.org, which was recommended earlier