Originally Posted by scubamama
I would think that if something were *truly* Non-negotiable, we could all agree on it. Besides making a child get into a stroller to go for a walk what else does *everyone* agree is "non-negotiable" and Must be forced against a child's will if they don't agree/consent/comply/obey? Besides that which is truly Life Threatening.
Btw, there was a study done of the same nature. Amazingly, not *everyone* could agree that some of the most common activities forced on children were "non-negotiable", so perhaps the actions forced on children are "selectively non-negotiable". http://www.takingchildrenseriously.c...cs_survey_1997
Obviously, wearing diapers is not universally non-negotiable even on this forum, "having to" get into the carseat and go somewhere is not universally non-negotiable, shampooing hair is not universally non-negotiable; vaccination is not universally non-negotiable; going to school/daycare is not universally non-negotiable; going to the dentist is not universally non-negotiable; brushing teeth, taking a bath, eating vegetables, eating what is served at dinner or going to bed without, bedtimes, leaving the park, timeouts, saying thank you, going to church, going to the grocery store, sitting at the dinner table, etc.
So, what activities do you feel comfortable forcing your child to do against their will because they are truly
Let's replace this "truly" with "universally" because many things are "truly" non-negotiable for each of us, which do not meet your above definition of "universally" non-negotiable.
I agree that likely only life or death situations would be "universally" non negotiable
|non-negotiable? I am wondering if perhaps we could agree on what is truly non-negotiable; or is the use of coercion and force just a subjective *unwillness* to consider/continue negotiating for the sake of expediency? (ie. force is justified because 'I am in a hurry ("it is time to do xyz") and I don't want to deal with negotiating about this any longer in a more cooperative/respectful fashion'.) Or is it the lack of negotiation skills or lack of communication tools? Or is it just a commonly held belief that one has a right to decide to force others to do what one wants "for their own good", because she is the parent?|
And yes finally I believe it IS a commonly held belief that one has a right, nay, a Responsibility to decide to force others to do what one wants "for their own good" because he or she is the parent.
|I honestly do not understand the paradox. We instruct our children not to use force to get their way. But....many adults model the use of force to get their way. How can our children learn from the inconsistency of our words from our actions? The Center for Non-violent Communications has many communication tools for more effective conflict resolution. See www.CNVC.org.|
|However, I believe there is a mutually agreeable alternative available which can be found that respects the child's body space integrity instead. Perhaps, we could continue to seek those together instead of advocating the default to force, except perhaps when it is *truly* and universally necessary due to a life threatening event. When is that?
I have no objection to the default use of force (coercion, not necessarily always physical force). And while I am very interested in kind and fun ways to get my children to do what I need them to do. I do not think it is an either/or scenario.