Almost 3 yrs. old and deteriorating behavior??? - Page 2

[TripMom]

Hi Equinurse -

yikes. been there. its so hard in the moment - but you have to look at the source of the behavior - and avoid focusing on the behavior itself. I agree with PPs - getting more strict will only ensnarl you in a control battle - avoid that with all costs. 3yos can escalate quite well - you'll find yourself yelling and maybe even wanting to spank - and of course none of this is good or resolves the issue.

Underlying behavior - attention seeking likely? Its a hard one with a new baby - its not like you can stop everything and focus on DD. Might try "special time" - set it up in advance with DD - this is "our" time. Be real focused with her when you do. Another thing is - try to get her involved with the baby - give her an "important job" - go get diaper, or bring me the baby blanket, etc. Another thing is get someone to watch the baby for an hour or so - here and there - and do something just with DD - like go to the park? She may even really feel important if you take her on special errands - like the bank or grocery store? 2 birds with 1 stone there.

Hang in there! I was there 1 year ago - DS 2 yo and newborn triplets!

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by equinurse

WWYD with this one? I am cooking dinner in kitchen, have 2 pots of hot water on stove. I ask dd to leave nicely- asking her to play in the living room while the water is boiling. I get the screaming NO and the bouncing around the room. I repeat my request. Same response with laughter. I try to lead her in by the hand. She falls on floor. I pick her up and place her at doorway where she can still see me. she runs inside. I have had enough and carry her to her room for timeout.

Well, since you ask, I'd have her sitting on the counter next to me or standing on a chair helping. It's REALLY helping lately to keep her engaged and busy, that's been the secret around these parts to a power-struggle-free day. Or I'd try picking her up and explaining to her about the boiling water and how it's very scary and that you realize she must not have known that it was there, or she wouldn't have been bouncing around, right? That works sometimes, because they seem to really like information.

I wouldn't belabor the poo thing either. And I also try to avoid labeling actions as "naughty" or "nice", just because I don't want her to feel like she's naughty.

Our baby's been sick, too, and it is SO hard to find enough time for the older one.

[writermommy]

I have found 3 to be more challenging than 2 with all three of my dds. I laugh when people mention the "terrible twos". I've always found three to be more difficult. For my own kids, I think they are exerting their independence at this age. They don't want to be told what to do and want to make their own decisions and have their own voices heard. It really is tough, but it does end. My youngest is now 3 years and 4 months. She is coming ourt of her difficult stage and is much easier to deal with now. I agree with pps who said getting into a power struggle is pointless. I would definitely try to avoid it.

For my girls, I noticed that when I try to see the situation through their eyes, it helps me figure out what they need. Sometimes it's just more control over their lives. Other times, they need to help more with "bigger" jobs. Like the running in the kitchen thing. I sit my dd at the table with salad bowls and let her break up lettuce into the bowls while I cook dinner. This keeps her occupied, makes her feel like she's helping and keeps her away from the hot stove.

I've found with all my dds that once I change my approach a bit, the situation gets better. Good luck with your 3 year old. It does pass.

[equinurse]

Thank you for your insights and support. I can't believe that the first time that I came to this forum I got advice that really worked. My dh was amazed. That same night that I posted and read the replies my dd started screaming and whining about something and I said " I know that this makes you angry and you want to scream but we need to speak calmly so that mommy and daddy understand you" . She looked at me and actually did it! Now, I would have said before " Stop Screaming! Thats enough!" or something like that in a loud tone and we would have ended up in a battle of wills. This was much better. The last couple of days with her have actually been enjoyable- now of course she is still doing things to annoy me, but it seems that changing my behavior has made a huge difference. Hopefully we will keep it up. I have ordered a few books also, The Continuum Concept, Unconditional Parenting, Playful Parenting and Raising a Spirited Child. Between those and your advice, we can make it through.

Thanks again...

Margie