forbidden foods

[PancakeGoddess]

My 11yo son can't have a lot of dairy. It's actually NOT forbidden, but strongly discouraged, and he agrees that it causes him problems with respect to mood swings and general irritability. He'd prefer we not keep anything in the house that he can't have. For a long time we complied - he was only 6 when we discovered his sensitivity.

Now, he is older. We think at some point it's reasonable for him to expect that it might be around. No one is going to sit down in front of him and eat ice cream. We all (his siblings and parents) want him to be happy and comfortable. We'd also like to enjoy the foods that we can eat.

So, the question is, at what point is it reasonable to expect that a person can just deal?

[Kirsten]

I don't know... but I can see both sides. I can see where you and dh and the other kids would find it silly to restrict YOUR diets because ds1 doesn't do dairy well. But I can also see where it would be harder for him to have it around and available - and it doesn't send him to the ER, so maybe just today he'll have a little.... It is of course much easier to avoid it if it isn't in the house.

I am trying to lose weight and have poor willpower in regards to certain foods. I wouldn't get in the car and drive to the store to BUY some, but if it is in the house... So what I do is buy the flavors of chips or ice cream that I really can't stand. I personally think that Cool Ranch Doritos and orange sherbet ice cream are both revolting. But my dh and kids like them. Good enough; problem solved. Are there types of cheese or flavors of yogurt (is yogurt a problem for him? A little boy I nannied for had a dairy issue and the doc said yogurt was ok - but it still gave him trouble.) that ds1 doesn't prefer - easier for him to resist?

I think it is easier if it just was always that way. Dd1 was in a co-op preschool with a little boy who was very allergic to many things. He brought his own snack to school, and to birthday parties, and sat alongside the kids who ate the other stuff. There is also a child in dd's elementary who has similar issues. They both were/are really fine with it (seemingly anyway). The boy was 3 at the time, and the girl is 10. But both those situations were out in the world, not in their home.

Hard one...

[Minky]

What about keeping a non-dairy alternative around for him?

[3ncountin]

Our two oldest are allergic to peanuts and tree nuts we do keep peanut butter around the house but avoid must other foods containing nuts because we dont want them to accidently eat something withtrace amounts of nuts. Anyway we always keep an alternative around such as sunflower nut butter for them (they are 10 and 11) but they also know that they may go somewhwere like their freinds or something and not be able to eat what their friends are eating so I thinkeven though I would keep an alternative around for your son I would also try to help him understand how to deal with his sensitivity because it will be alot harder at freinds and relatives if he doesn't come to terms with it at home.BTW there are many very good tasting alternatives to milk and milk based products out there .

[PancakeGoddess]

Rest assured, we have been down every dairy-alternative-path. He likes some and not others, but regardless, there is just nothing like regular ice cream. That is the main issue (and somewhat, yogurt. soy yogurt is just not going to cut it)

[amydidit]

I agree that there is a point when you should be able to expect him to handle the fact that it's in the house and not eat it. But I'm not sure 11 yrs old is that point. To me, 11 still seems awfully young to take responsibility for food choices like that.

I'm not sure what age I would expect that responsibility to come at though.

[MillingNome]

Maybe try a compromise. Keep some around but well hidden and not in plain sight. Or test it out. See what happens when you put something in there, on the no-no list. Will he eat it or not?

[PancakeGoddess]

He won't! It's not obedience I'm going for - it's a compromise that respects everyone. We have kept it out of sight, but my other son would like to have ice cream sometimes and if older son "catches" him eating it, he gets very upset about the injustice.

I think a PP's suggestion is going to work out as a promising compromise - my no-dairy son doesn' t like mint, and my other son is happy to just have mint-cc ice cream around, and that's no temptation to no-milk son :-)

[PikkuMyy]

I grew up with multiple allergies, some of them severe, some of them not. So I totally understand the feelings of things not being fair. But by age 11, I think your son is old enough to just deal with the fact that he can't eat some foods that his siblings and parents can. What I WOULD do for him, is to keep some treats in the house that he can have that are only for him. That way he has some special things that no one else can have.