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UC Support Thread #26 February 2006 - Page 3

post #41 of 94

is this where i say HI?

hello,

i was just browsing around, looking for a thread where i can say hello, introduce myself. my name is tabitha and i am giving birth unassisted for the first time in october.

my first, tristan, was a hospital birth, my second, kassiopeia, was a homebirth with a midwife, and this baby will be at home just us! sometime in October.

i am certain i have a lot of emotional work to do in the pregnancy, and would love some support & companionship on the journey to UC. my body, like all women's, knows how to give birth and i have faith in it. my mind, however, is tainted by years of bad birth juju. i need to learn to let go, to cherish instead of resist the out-of-control, out-of-this-world feeling that is birth.

nice to meet everyone!

tabitha
post #42 of 94
Thread Starter 
Hi Tabitha! I love your name!!!!!! One of my favorites
Welcome to the sisterhood of UC'n- feel free to pick our brains, as there are lots of wonderful supportive mamas here.
I'll put you on the grand list at the top of this thread, and if you have any birth stories you would like me to add to the list, please PM me.
Thanks and all my best on your fantastic journey!

amyjean
post #43 of 94
Hi Tabitha! Good to see you here!
post #44 of 94
Yay Tabitha! Good to see you here!
post #45 of 94
I need support...

I tested positive beofre I was even 4w pregnant, back in December. My DH and I happened to be making a trip 'home' to NY (we're in Seattle) the next week, so we told to future grandparents in personwhen I was 4.5 weeks along.

Well, now I'm finishing my first trimester. We've gotten lots of questions about when I'm going to see "the doctor" (despite my insisting that I wouldn't go to a doctor) and I've just brushed them off, saying that most offices don't really want to see you until the end of the first trimester, banking on the fact that none of our parents know anyone who has used a midwife, and its been years since they've had kids.

Well, here I am at the end of my first trimester. I've worked out a thing with my inlaws where I just am "fine" and the baby is "fine," no further questions asked. My mother, on the other hand pressed me to tell her about my first meeting with the midwife. She wrote down that I told her it was today, and called wondering how it was. I told her it was great. We loved the midwives, their practice, everything. She begins her usual tirade about how OBs are gods, and that I'd be So much safer in a hospital, etc.

Why do I feel bad for fibbing to my mother? She lives 3000 miles away, she can't physically prevent me from having a UP/UC. She isn't supporting anything outside the medical model anyway.... I just wish there were a way to make her see why I choose to do things this way, to have her glimpse a bit of this trust I have of myself and my body.

Anyone else have similar experiences? Words of wisdom short of "tell her the truth"?
post #46 of 94
Hi Tabitha! Welcome!

I'm trying to get back into what's going on here ladies. It looks like my online access will last this time, so I'm going to get my hopes up and try to be a support to those who are living my dream! Hopefully I'll have more warning if I have to cut it off this time so I can say a quick goodbye! I hope my lurking can rev back up to being more a part of the wonderful vibes here.

ErinBird, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It's always hard when you feel like you have to lie to people you love, especially when what you really want is for them to understand, if not support, your choices! I was hoping the physical distance between my family and I would ease my experience.. now I wonder if it will! Do you think she would go so far as to call CPS about it? Or is she just heavy on the disapproval angle? You said that she would never accept anything but the medical model... would she consider a deal? She can either A) Support and trust you and choices and wisdom as a woman and mother, and be kept in the loop about your pregnancy B) Read the materials you send her to help her understand your choices and support and trust you, etc. or C) Continue to harass you and not trust you and lose her connection until after your baby is born... for your own health and mental well-being. It might seem harsh, and I don't know your mom, but it's not unreasonable to request that people who say they love you do the research you've done (or just trust your gut like you do!!) before they rail against your decisions.... nor is it unreasonable to inform them that you have no room in your life for their negativity at this point, and that you will happily inform them of the wonderful occasion of your dc's birth. Other mamas here have said before, and I love saying it again... We might get another chance to give birth peacefully at home, but it's our baby's ONLY chance to be born!

My mom's an RN... she's crossed over to the medical model (just got her RN two years ago) after raising me AP when AP wasn't cool! I haven't actually just come right out and said I will go UP/UC next time, but I'm wondering how that will go. My in-laws, like yours, just sort of stopped requesting details after we've surprised them with a few of the "different" choices we've made. They're much more accepting... but I think it's more a case of not wanting to know! I'm hoping my long-standing reputation of doing "whatever the h*// she wants to do" in my family will cover me in this, as well, and they'll just keep their nonsense to themselves. I don't plan on broadcasting much to them, but if I have morning sickness like I did with ds, I won't be able hide it!

I hope things go well for you, however you end up handling it!


lizzie

PS... OH how I wish I was in Seattle with you!!!!
post #47 of 94
"Why do I feel bad for fibbing to my mother? She lives 3000 miles away, she can't physically prevent me from having a UP/UC. She isn't supporting anything outside the medical model anyway.... I just wish there were a way to make her see why I choose to do things this way, to have her glimpse a bit of this trust I have of myself and my body."

You feel badly perhaps, because you really want to share this wonderous and intimate journey with your mum... and yet she is not at that place to share it with you. It's sad. My dad and step-mom are the same way.. as far as they know, i've been seeing a midwife and everything is great. After I had my first "appointment" they stopped asking about details really and just ask how everything is. My step-mom is a real doctor type person too, she'll do anything they tell her, even when it's obviously not good for her. Fortunately, being in Sweden means no doctors do prenatal here anyway (unless you are high risk, ie diabetes or a bleeding disorder or some such thing)... so when she would ask about when I was seeing a doctor I was like "Doctors don't do prenatal care here... " (which she asked like, I swear, at least 6 times within the first 20ish weeks! )

Wish There were other words of comfort.. but I agree.. just share generalities, let her know that she has no input into whether your prenatal care is with an OB or midwife or even an alien from mars and to please be supportive in the choices you've made. (You are doing your own prenatal care, so just think of yourself every time you tell her that the midwife said everything is great, lol)

I hope it helps a little anyway.. you aren't alone in that type of situation at least. My mom accepts it, still has some fears, but also hates doctors and the mess ups they usually do, so is happy to support my choice of UP/UC. She knows that if there is a problem, I ain't gonna just sit on my hands either.. i'll go get help. SHe was also birth-raped when birthing my brother back in the mid 70s by doctors...

anyway, I think I am blabbing away right now.. I need to finish breakfast.
post #48 of 94

I did it!

My mom was in town last wednesday and I told her we're having a UC, no midwives, no anyone. She says "I still get to be there right?" and I had the guts to say it "No, it's just me and Mike and Kairi, no one else" She did a bit of pouting and hemming and hawing but I told her we'd call her after the baby is born and we'll be having a welcome baby party a couple weeks after the birth. I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but my mom is an emotional bully and leach and is always butting in where she dosn't belong, but she does it in such a "nice" way that I've never had the nerve to tell her to butt out before.

I can't believe I did it!
post #49 of 94
WOOO HOOOO Crystal, Way to go! Now, remember not to call her when you think labor is starting.. so no surprise visits..
post #50 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by yvonnemlv
WOOO HOOOO Crystal, Way to go! Now, remember not to call her when you think labor is starting.. so no surprise visits..
Nah, We'll probably call her the day after the baby is born. She lives in the next state over, but I definately wouldn't put it past her to show up 5 hours after we call her : Like I said, she's a buttinski
post #51 of 94
Nicely done! Way to stick up for your family!


lizzie
post #52 of 94
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinBird
Anyone else have similar experiences? Words of wisdom short of "tell her the truth"?
OHHHHH YEAH MAMA! Welcome to my world! I have 3 sisters and one brother.
My mom is far away and I think she knows our plans, but doesn't butt in (thankfully)
My oldest sister, as some of you know likes to give me greif about our choice. Another sister is cool about it- but doesn't want to know about anything until afterwards- she would worry too much.
My brother- he's a butthead and has no clue.
Now one sister- hammers me all the time about "What did the doctor say?"
I just say fine. I don't go into detail and do not share our plans about it either. She's a "keeping up with the Jones'"type and couldn't handle the fact my last baby was born UC. I told her it's the latest "thing" (boy did that chap her butt )
She kept defending her choice on meds and trying to make herself feel better for not "toughing it out". Whatever.
You probably feel bad because you lied. Most people do. That's called having a conscience (sp?).
Sometimes you need to pick your battles. And decide- is this one that needs to be adressed? you have a lot going on internally with you choices, and frankly, having a negative vibe from an outsider can seriously hinder your journey.
That being sad, you also have the option of coming clean and being pleasantly surprised at her reaction.
What are the odds?
Lots to think about, on top of everything else, but nontheless- you do what you need to do mama.
We're always here to lift you up, give you a hug and cry, too.
all my best


post #53 of 94
Thread Starter 
HEY LIZZIE!!!Long time no see! Great to see you again- how are things?
post #54 of 94
Thread Starter 
Rock On Crystal!
post #55 of 94
My son seems to be sick with something - all mucousy, sneezy, and coughy. Where is my heal everything wand? *goes off in search*
post #56 of 94
Thread Starter 
Yvonne, it sounds sort of like what our house just went through. Ours started with a sore throat, then lots of mucus for about 2 weeks, at one point one of my girls had a major fever- but everyone recovered finally after the 2 weeks. Just tons and tons of mucusand general malaise.
Humidifiers really helped- that and tons of fluid.
s
post #57 of 94
thanks for the welcome.

i also have some family i cannot/ choose not to tell right now. the trouble of arguing with these people would be immense. they already know i am weird, but many of them are RNs, so i dont even want to go there.

but some of my closest family has already begun to ask what doctor i will see, etc. i have made it clear that i will have another homebirth, and that is all.

i know there are varyin opinions on this, but one concern that has popped up for me is my RH- status. i have been told that after the birth i can go to any hispital and get the shot, but is this true? or will they go insane on me? i dont really want to go to an ER right after birth with my newborn, either.

it is possible the baby would be RH-, and i wouldnt need a shot. (again, i know there are many opinions on the need for this shot) are there reliable home testing kits?

just seeking some advice!

tabitha
post #58 of 94
I bought an Eldon Card from inhishands.com ( i think.....somewhere online anyway, lol) that I will use after the birth. We are having a lotus birth so after the cord stops pulsing I will lance it carefully to get out the blood needed for the card. I am RH- and Dh is RH+.. buuuut after doing a lot of reading on it, i don't feel the shot is worth it. So I will not get it even if dc is rh+.

Took a lot of reading and soul searchign though. See what you can find online for yourself. Lots of good info from both sides of the block... Also, as long as you do not cut the cord until after placenta is born (nor tug or play with the cord/placenta while still attached) your chances of blood mingling is really next to nothing. People that interfere with the process is usually what causes the blood to mix, usually, usually,usually .

So I may not do the eldon card after all. You have usually wihtin 3 days of birth to get the shot, but really within 2 weeks is reasonable, supposedly. You could probably go t your family doc, if you have one, to get it done. Also, if you know for sure you will want one, you can request they order the mercury-free version (Rhogamm is the mercury version, forget what the mercury-free one is called).

Amy, I am SOOO sorry y'all went through that.. no fun! So far it's just DS who is sick, we rarely get anything too. Giving him lots of love, and hyland's cplus cold remedy, hopefully that will help this be quick and over soon!
post #59 of 94
wow. so even though i did all this soul searching last time and did end up getting the (mercury free) shot after the birth, suddenly i'm on the same soul search and feeling very differently about the whole thing. golly.

wtf is this feeling i get- "what if i dont get the shot and my life is ruined forever?!!!" - it is a lot like "what if i UC and my baby dies and everyone hates me, including me!??!" . when did fear first begin to drive me?
post #60 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by tabitha
wow. so even though i did all this soul searching last time and did end up getting the (mercury free) shot after the birth, suddenly i'm on the same soul search and feeling very differently about the whole thing. golly.

wtf is this feeling i get- "what if i dont get the shot and my life is ruined forever?!!!" - it is a lot like "what if i UC and my baby dies and everyone hates me, including me!??!" . when did fear first begin to drive me?

I don't know, Tabitha, but the same happened to me!! It's amazing how your views and beliefs can change over such a short time, non?

Really, though, a lot of societies are totally based on fear, ever notice that? How did it get to be this way? and Yeah, when did each of us have fear begin to drive us?

Deep thoughts.. such that I am going to sleep and ponder them later (okay, really it's like 11pm and lil one just fell asleep so i need my butt in bed so i can keep up with him tomorrow..) Looking forward to any answers or deeper thoughts on this one!
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