what do I say to this?

[rainbowmoon]

FIL sometimes chides ds when he cries and calls him a baby. it really bothers me but I have no idea how to approach this. I really don't want to get into a big blow out with him over it, but something needs to be said! he IS a baby! and why isn't he allowed to cry? even if he were older? my late DH never had a problem letting tears flow so I don't wuite understand why it should be any different for ds. I also don't quite understand where he is coming from because he acts like he is almost trying to be funny at times.

any advice?

[KBinSATX]

I don't know how good of a relationship you have with MIL. Perhaps she can have teh talk with him so you don't have to outright confront him?

[westernmamomma]

I'd tell him to back off plain and simple. It's not his decision to make, nor is it yours. It's your ds' decision to cry when and where he wants. Plain and simple!

[sophiesue2]

How about "FIL, he IS a baby." I don't really see why it needs to be a big production, unless he is prone to dramatics. Just a simple "Please don't tease him when he's upset" or something along those lines?

[rainbowmoon]

well MIL is actually my FIL 4th or 5th wife (never was she a step parent to DH) plus she is out of town most of the time she is not around.

FIL is very gender biased and I have no energy to educate him at this time I just need something witty to say to either shut him up and/ make him think about what he;s saying (I have the same prob with him w/ racist remarks too : )

[rainbowmoon]

well that was the first reacton to me was to tell him "he is a baby" but I don't think he'd honestly get get the drift unless I tell him directly please don't call him a baby or a sissy because it's just so wrong to degrade a child for his feelings! ugh! but then I know we'll have to get into why

maybe I am just overthinking this and making it more complicated myself

[myhoneyswife]

I'd just say, 'please do not say that to my child'

It seems to me that the quickest and most to the point comments work well for nipping things in the bud. I know I'll be using it with my parents and inlaws in a few months about the baby, and already have about many other things...

If you get into the, 'we prefer not to' or try to reason with them, then there is room for argument. With the quick answer, no room at all. They might say something like 'gee, you're over reacting' but most likely they'll stop saying it also They're saying you're overreacting or whatnot because they're embarassed for themselves

Cara

[oceanbaby]

Originally Posted by myhoneyswife

I'd just say, 'please do not say that to my child'

It seems to me that the quickest and most to the point comments work well for nipping things in the bud. I know I'll be using it with my parents and inlaws in a few months about the baby, and already have about many other things...

If you get into the, 'we prefer not to' or try to reason with them, then there is room for argument. With the quick answer, no room at all. They might say something like 'gee, you're over reacting' but most likely they'll stop saying it also They're saying you're overreacting or whatnot because they're embarassed for themselves

Cara

:

[artgoddess]

I agree with the direct, "Please don't say that son is a baby, it dismisses his feelings." And do it as it happens while giving your son a hug. No sneaking off to talk privately. If FIL is going to be loud about his insulting behavior he can be told in front of whomever that it's unacceptable. If he starts to argue, and simple "I'm not trying to start a debate with you, I simply don't want anyone dismissing my sons feelings."