Crying Wolf

[boatbaby]

DS is 19 months an generally a very happy and easy kid. Redirection and GD seems to work nicely for us so far.

Lately we've hit a new trick that I don't know how to handle. He knows that there are 2 things I will almost always stop and say yes to -- nursing and going potty.

So now when he is in a situation he doesn't want to be in (getting in the car seat when it's time to leave the park, changing diaper, etc) He looks at me desparately and says either "Poo Poo Potty" or "Nana" for nursing. At first I was buying it, but then when he would refuse to nurse and wiggle out of my lap and run off or close the potty and run off -- I realized he was playing me.

Of course I want him to tell me when he has to potty and of course I will nurse him when he wants -- but what do I say to him when I know he is messing with me? If I ask "do you really need to nurse or poo poo?" he just stares at me and keeps repeating. He's not quite verbal enough yet for the question answer routine.

Any ideas?

[maya44]

Well with the nursing, if you really, really think he is just messing with you I'd say. "I will be happy to nurse you as soon as we..." If you are at all unsure that he really wants to nurse I would let him try and then say "I am happy to nurse you any time you really want but do not say you want to nurse when you don't."

I would always take him to the potty. But if it turns out he is just playing around I would say "I know that you did not want to do X but do not say you need to go to the potty when you do not"

I think this clear ennuciation that you understand what he is doing and don't like it very much is a good place to start.

[aira]

Well, again, I'd never call my kid to the carpet on anything. Especially so young.

I'd say the parts about "I'm happy to nurse you when we get to _____." Or if you're unsure and offer the boob or the potty and he doesn't want it, I'd just say, "Oh, you changed your mind? No problem." And then redirect into the car. Playing is very helpful with that.

I also wanted to throw out there that DS just changes his mind alot. Sometimes he really just doesn't know what he wants. Sometimes it's not really a plan (sometimes it is), but I'd make sure there is no projection going on too.

Once DS (at about the age of yours) fell and bumped his head. We picked him up and took him outside to help him calm down. Later he wanted outside but we were very busy with something and asked him to wait a minute. He walked right over to the same place he bumped his head and gently knocked it again, complete with "fake" crying, and requests for outside.

I really just thought it was a clever way for him to communicate that he really needed us right then. I didn't think of him as "tricking" or being manipulative. He was doing his best to get across to us that he wanted to be higher on our priorities at that moment. And he did it with his limited vocabulary, using what had just gotten his needs met a few minutes before.

[sunnysideup]

Maybe it would help if you asked him if he needs to use the potty or nurse first, before you tell him it's time to go. Make a habit of asking him a couple of minutes before you have to leave. Tell him, "we'll be leaving soon, so if you want to use the potty or nurse now's the time."

[boatbaby]

Thanks all for the advice mamas.

I always offer to nurse before we transition... the potty we're JUST starting (he IS only 19 months) so it's not something we ask about a whole lot yet unless he TELLS us he wants to go.

But being busy guy, he always refuses the boob when we're out and about -- until it's time to get in the car seat, and then when we get in the front seat and in position to nurse he bolts away and wants to play in the car.

At home it's easier. I just hate to see something tender like getting into position to nurse turn into something not good, like a power struggle as he physically pushes me away while my shirt is up and squirms off my lap. What's the next step there??
It seems that point turns the corner into a power struggle (ok, you don't want to nurse now I am going to struggle to get you into a clean diaper or into the car seat or whatever the case) I know I can TELL him the rationale... but we're still in a struggle to finish the task at hand.

Then there was tonight. He had a micro-nap and a up and down day so I could sense he was getting cranky. We sat down to dinner and he didn't want to eat. He hadn't eaten much all day and I was trying to insist on 5-10 minutes at the table to eat. He was yelling "down down" and when I said "no down, now it is time to eat" he cried for "nana".

So I did, and he nursed like crazy and fell asleep in a few minutes He really meant it this time

I am glad I did not say no, I never would. I am just on a roller coaster here. And we're not quite at the age where talking about something really makes an impact (I do it anyhow, but you know what I mean)

I hope this makes sense. sigh.

[aira]

It sounds to me more like you DS is genuinely interested in nanas and then gets a new idea once he sees the lights and buttons on the dash.

And at the dinner table, no kid can know what they want when they are that tired. I'm not one to demand that they sit at the table under any circumstances, though. Mine sits at the table when he's interested in being a part of the meal, and he plays with his trains when he's bored with conversation.

Hope things work out well for you guys...