(Update in post 11. We have ANOTHER of these this weekend, but it's bigger and longer. Yikes!)
I am really struggling with some aspects of dance instruction for my daughter, not the least of which is dance contests. (Long.)
Background info: I took dance as a child, but never participated in a dance contest. It just wasn’t something the studios did much of, way back then. As a young adult, I discovered belly dance and ended up performing professionally. I now teach dance, gymnastics, theater arts, and music, mostly to the 2 to 7 year old range. And I'm thinking of starting some belly dance classes (teen to adult).
As a belly dancer, I have learned that, no matter what elegant, or even spiritual, energy I put into my dance, there is always going to be someone in the audience that experiences my dance as having sexual energy. That’s his interpretation of it, not necessarily what I put into it. It doesn’t usually bother me - I just firmly say NO to any advances. For a long time, I have thought that there are very few inherently sexy dance moves, that it’s all in how you present yourself, the appropriateness to the audience and setting, costuming, etc.
I’m also a fan of the human body. I LIKE seeing shaking butts, legs doing splits, strong backs, graceful arms, etc. We are nearly nudists at home during the summer (or, have been in the past, that may be changing). The human body is not necessarily a sexual thing - it is a beautiful, sensual thing.
But, as my daughter grows up (she‘s ten), I am more aware of, and do NOT like, the over sexualization of girls, and it seems to happen younger and younger. I also do not like the concept of judging children against each other (probably one of the reasons we home school).
My dd has been taking dance since she was little. She loves it, and says that she wants to be a professional dancer (as well as a veterinarian). She’s talented, but not a protégé in class. When she dances at home, she is WOW amazing - it really comes from her heart. And she loves performing - loves being on stage.
OK, now to the current situation: A couple of weeks ago, my daughter’s dance team (4th-6th grades) participated in a dance contest. I’ve been to contests before, and they were in auditoriums, and included ballet, tap, jazz, etc. This one was (mostly) held in a high school gymnasium, and had NO ballet or tap, and lots of pom pom dances and drill teams. Think halftime show, not “Nutcracker” or “Cats“ or a young Gregory Hines.
DD’s team did well - won a first place and a second place for their two dances. DD did a solo and felt disappointed that she hadn’t placed, but a few days later when she read the judges comments, she felt somewhat better. She had done well, just not as well as others.
However, I came away with a totally icky feeling. There was the appearance (and perhaps reality) of nepotism and favoritism in the awarding of prizes. There were middle aged men obviously oggling teen girls (who were, granted, shaking their booties). There was one man who rather prominently slept thru the less exciting dances, but would lean forward and turn his head to see more of a 16 year old‘s rear. There were ultra-competitive stage moms backstage. And there were dancers that won (who were, I‘m sure trying to be “nice“ about it) who talked down to those who lost (polite words, but with a superior attitude).
Not to mention ten hours in bleacher seats with no backs, overpriced drinks and greasy food, and WAY too much noise and lights and crowds for me. When it was over I cried - out of exhaustion or ick or what, I wasn’t sure.
And yet, our dancers got good, encouraging, constructive comments from the judges and seem to come away with a lot of positive out of the experience.
I’m just so confused.
Dance, to me, comes from the heart. I am not a physically talented dancer, not even when I was younger. My body just won't do some of it, like a deep turn-out in ballet. (I’m WAY better at belly dance than I was at ballet, thank goodness.) But I put my soul into my performances, and the classes I teach. I LOVE dance, and I see that passion in dd as well. And yet, there are broad swaths of the dance world that are abhorrent to me!
How can I reconcile this? How can I encourage my dd in dance, and support her desire to be a professional dancer (do I really want this for her?! Would I ever really NOT support her dreams?!), and give her performance opportunities, while still protecting her from the competitive, superficial, appearance-oriented, anorexia-encouraging, anti-crunchy, over-sexualized teen (or even pre-teen) dance scene?
Can anyone offer some perspective? I’m just really having trouble sorting all this out.
I am really struggling with some aspects of dance instruction for my daughter, not the least of which is dance contests. (Long.)
Background info: I took dance as a child, but never participated in a dance contest. It just wasn’t something the studios did much of, way back then. As a young adult, I discovered belly dance and ended up performing professionally. I now teach dance, gymnastics, theater arts, and music, mostly to the 2 to 7 year old range. And I'm thinking of starting some belly dance classes (teen to adult).
As a belly dancer, I have learned that, no matter what elegant, or even spiritual, energy I put into my dance, there is always going to be someone in the audience that experiences my dance as having sexual energy. That’s his interpretation of it, not necessarily what I put into it. It doesn’t usually bother me - I just firmly say NO to any advances. For a long time, I have thought that there are very few inherently sexy dance moves, that it’s all in how you present yourself, the appropriateness to the audience and setting, costuming, etc.
I’m also a fan of the human body. I LIKE seeing shaking butts, legs doing splits, strong backs, graceful arms, etc. We are nearly nudists at home during the summer (or, have been in the past, that may be changing). The human body is not necessarily a sexual thing - it is a beautiful, sensual thing.
But, as my daughter grows up (she‘s ten), I am more aware of, and do NOT like, the over sexualization of girls, and it seems to happen younger and younger. I also do not like the concept of judging children against each other (probably one of the reasons we home school).
My dd has been taking dance since she was little. She loves it, and says that she wants to be a professional dancer (as well as a veterinarian). She’s talented, but not a protégé in class. When she dances at home, she is WOW amazing - it really comes from her heart. And she loves performing - loves being on stage.
OK, now to the current situation: A couple of weeks ago, my daughter’s dance team (4th-6th grades) participated in a dance contest. I’ve been to contests before, and they were in auditoriums, and included ballet, tap, jazz, etc. This one was (mostly) held in a high school gymnasium, and had NO ballet or tap, and lots of pom pom dances and drill teams. Think halftime show, not “Nutcracker” or “Cats“ or a young Gregory Hines.
DD’s team did well - won a first place and a second place for their two dances. DD did a solo and felt disappointed that she hadn’t placed, but a few days later when she read the judges comments, she felt somewhat better. She had done well, just not as well as others.
However, I came away with a totally icky feeling. There was the appearance (and perhaps reality) of nepotism and favoritism in the awarding of prizes. There were middle aged men obviously oggling teen girls (who were, granted, shaking their booties). There was one man who rather prominently slept thru the less exciting dances, but would lean forward and turn his head to see more of a 16 year old‘s rear. There were ultra-competitive stage moms backstage. And there were dancers that won (who were, I‘m sure trying to be “nice“ about it) who talked down to those who lost (polite words, but with a superior attitude).
Not to mention ten hours in bleacher seats with no backs, overpriced drinks and greasy food, and WAY too much noise and lights and crowds for me. When it was over I cried - out of exhaustion or ick or what, I wasn’t sure.
And yet, our dancers got good, encouraging, constructive comments from the judges and seem to come away with a lot of positive out of the experience.
I’m just so confused.
Dance, to me, comes from the heart. I am not a physically talented dancer, not even when I was younger. My body just won't do some of it, like a deep turn-out in ballet. (I’m WAY better at belly dance than I was at ballet, thank goodness.) But I put my soul into my performances, and the classes I teach. I LOVE dance, and I see that passion in dd as well. And yet, there are broad swaths of the dance world that are abhorrent to me!
How can I reconcile this? How can I encourage my dd in dance, and support her desire to be a professional dancer (do I really want this for her?! Would I ever really NOT support her dreams?!), and give her performance opportunities, while still protecting her from the competitive, superficial, appearance-oriented, anorexia-encouraging, anti-crunchy, over-sexualized teen (or even pre-teen) dance scene?
Can anyone offer some perspective? I’m just really having trouble sorting all this out.
: 
I think I am not quite understanding what your major objection was to the contest. Was it the actual competition aspect, the pre-teen girls dancing "sexy," the ogling older men? A combo of all the above? Anyway, I can understand you being upset at any one of those. I guess I would weigh your concerns against what your daughter is getting out of the contest. If she likes it and it is positive for her, then I think it's okay to let her keep competing for now. If not, then maybe talk to her about your concerns and see what she thinks. Maybe she could join a children's dance company or something similar less focused on "winning" and less likely to attract oglers and stage moms?
I was being peevish. I feel like I should apologize to someone, but I'm not sure who. Maybe it's all of you.
