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Originally Posted by lab
But did I understand you correctly that you allowed your dd to go without lunch? Wow! Perhaps I missed something in your post. I apologize if I'm jumping to conclusions.
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First of all, yes, I did mean for you to understand that your son probably feels confident that you love him. But, no. You didn't misunderstand me. I definitely let her go a few hours without eating. It didn't hurt her. It didn't make her feel unloved. She just had to wait until 3 to eat instead of eating at noon. I don't think we do our kids any favors by reminding them over and over or nagging them to get something done. As other people have mentioned on this board, when we do start nagging, it upsets us and them. I'd rather let her suffer (not that she suffered) through for a few hours than spend day after day nagging her to take it. Or worse, carrying it for her. She's an intelligent, capable, responsible kid and when I start nagging her to do something, she starts to feel like maybe she's not really so capable or responsible. This isn't really as harsh as it seems to sound. I'm still a mom who slinged all of my babies, breastfed them for 2+ years each, STILL have them in my bed almost every night in the wee hours, help them with homework, cuddle them, sing to them, answer their unending questions...but, yes...I let her go without lunch. Both daughters have done it, actually. Don't get me wrong! I get grumpy and yell just like most parents. But after reading the Love and Logic books and really working to replace my behaviors that actually encourage "forgetfulness" with behaviors that help my kids take responsibility for their lives, we're all happier. Just this morning I realized that I have been nagging my middle dd constantly about the state of her bedroom. I'm not helping her self-esteem at all by constantly pointing out her shortcomings. We've had plenty of heart to heart talks about it. I've spent lots of time helping her. She wants it to be clean, too. But, the pattern we've set up isn't working. I've got to figure out a way to help along the natural consequences so that she feels empowered and takes responsibility for keeping her room more clean. Anway...Love and Logic works in our house when we remember to use it and I think it helps us avoid a lot of frustrating confrontations. I wish I could use it on my husband who has traveled 2 weeks of every month for work for the last 2.5 years and STILL "forgets" to tell me what day or even which weeks he is going to be leaving.
