Grown Children of Packrats - Page 2

[cking]

This is totally my family.

Naturalmaman, your family sounds pretty similar to mine. I grew up in a huge family in a not so big house, and the mess was always blamed on the # of kids, and my dad, who was a packrat specializing in newspapers, tools (he got a tool chest for Christmas once, and gave it a prominent spot right next to their bed!) and a garage full of stuff our neighbors thought they threw away. Well, now my mom is the only one left in the house and guess what? It’s still a mess! : The one major difference is that the garage is (mostly) clear and my mom actually parks in it. After dd passed (10 years ago), we all helped to clear it out. But the envelopes and papers on the dining room table, that’s the big thing. She has done a lot of renovation in the house, including a new kitchen, but it’s still a mess. (the fridge, forget about it, yuck.) She has had a cleaning woman off and on, but like a pp said, that doesn’t help if you can’t get to the floors, counters, etc to clean them. She refuses to ever sell the house, even though it is much too big and too much work for her to handle.

One thing that has made me realize is that it doesn’t matter how new or old your home or furnishings are, if you take care of them they will be in good shape and if you don’t, they’ll be a wreck quickly. Several of my siblings have a pretty bad packrat problem, one of them has a very serious one (hasn’t even let anyone into her apt in years and refuses to admit or deal with it. For me, it’s a struggle (especially at work…) but I try to keep on top of it. Throwing away junk mail as soon as it arrives is probably the biggest (and simplest) help…my ds still hasn’t mastered that. She seems to think that she’ll miss something big if she does it…Ed McMahon, or the best credit card offer ever…I don’t know. But I do tend to hold on to things also. DH went on a cleaning binge of the basement and I was so amazed at how many cardboard boxes I had kept (from moving, wedding gifts, etc). They were my security blanket….I had moved so many times in recent years, I guess I felt that I had to be prepared. I know that sounds pretty minor, but it seems like every time I’ve moved I have gotten rid of a ton of stuff, and yet it’s still all there.

One of my big goals is to scan and organize all the old photos that I have in boxes. I would love to get on top of that. I am so psyched about digital scrapbooking, it seems so much more my speed than the scissors and paper version.

I also really like the book Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson. I’ll admit, I haven’t read it cover to cover (like I planned when I bought it) but it is a great reference especially for those of us who can’t turn to mom for cleaning advice!!

[Ellien C]

sub-ing

guilty!

I think of this as my New England heritage. It seems stronger on the East Coast (where old barns are rampant) than the West Coast where houses don't have basements.

[ShannonCC]

Throwing away junk mail as soon as it arrives is probably the biggest (and simplest) help

The SHE sisters mentioned this too. They said don't bring in the mail unless you can deal with it right then. I do that now. Really, it only takes a few mintues to go through the stuff and find what is junk, put the bills in the bill place, hand out the personal letters, etc. Otherwise, it ends up in a pile on the dishwasher and then, weeks later, I'll find bills that haven't been paid among the unmanageable mountains of junk we don't need.


Here's another part of packratting. How many here keep things that make them feel bad? Because it's "family history" or "worth something" or whatever?

I threw away a home made creche last night and it felt liberating. I made it when I was 10. It was some sort of after school craft thing. They had pre- formed clay objects that you cleaned up, painted and glazed yourself. I chose a creche and made it for my Grandma. I put a lot of work into painting that thing. When I went to give it to her my mom told her I "made it". I corrected her and said I painted it. My mom got angry with me (she had issues with her MIL and often tried to show off in front of her - she felt like I was making her look bad I guess). I had put a lot of work into painting that thing and did a pretty good job but when my mom got angry it felt like it wasn't good enough for her so she had to dress up what I had done. Anyway, that was 26 years ago. 26 years, every time I look at this thing I remember the incident with my mom. Awhile back my Grandma gave it back to me and I gave it to my dd to play with. Some of the pieces are missing now and of what's left, most are broken. I still look at it and it takes me back to when I was 10 and my mom made me feel bad. So WHY do I keep this thing? Because I'm a packrat.

I threw it away last night. I didn't even freecycle it (like I said, most of the pieces were lost or broken). I considered freecycling the actual stable but turned it over and saw I had written my name and the year on the bottom and I couldn't give it away. I had to toss it.

My mom and I have a better relationship now (mostly ) and I feel lighter now that I've gotten that thing out of my house. I'll feel even better when the garbage is picked up tomorrow

Now I have to get rid of the sake set that makes me think of my ex-boyfriend, aka Loser Boy. I've spent a decade telling myself it's silly and I shouldn't think of him. It's a lovely set, and I bought it with my own money, but I think he was with me in the store or something. I've finally accepted it doesn't matter if I *shouldn't* think of him when I see it, the fact is, I *do*. And I don't want to. I'm going to freecycle that one.

[cking]

Isn't it amazing how good it can feel to throw things away? That's especially true of clothes that make me feel bad.
I actually think my mom guilted me into keeping a lot of things. I remember trying to throw out a bunch of papers while growing up, and my mom picked out a 1st birthday card from my grandmother and told me I would want to keep it b/c how else am I going to remember her? And then of course: well, I'll keep it if you don't want it.

Recently I was trying to clean out my old room at her house and she wouldn't let me throw out this crappy old sculpture I made in high school....she said my sister wanted it (yes, the sister with the really bad packrat problem!) The thing had been glued together in five different places.

I actually made (painted) a similar creche when i was a kid. My mom still has it, and I think I am supposed to get it in her will! (we have a big family, i'm not expecting much). She says things like 'you worked so hard on it, I want you to have it'.....so the guilt will follow me long after she's gone...

[Ellien C]

I started a Help for Hoarders thread awhile back. It didn't get a whole lot of activity, but you're not alone and not even the first one to ask about it.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=320600

[Ellien C]

Yooper!

That's really inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. OK - my parents weren't as bad as some of the stories here, but I can see the beginnings of issues.

Also, the tales of how your parents blamed you are cutting me close. I think I'm starting to feel that way about DH and DD, but I can see now that the change starts WITHIN! Thanks again everyone for sharing. It's making a difference in my life.

[lilyka]

honestly the first step is getting rid of everything you don't absolutely need. Just get rid of it. You can try to sell it but list it once, wait a week and if it doesn't go throw it away/donate it. either schedule the pick up or start loading it in your car right away. if you can't get it out the door throw it. we have been purging for the last 6 months to a year. I can not believe the number of things we have sent out the door. its insane. we weeded down dishes to 2 sets for each person. It means washing dishes during the day, sometimes twice, but the upside is that we have to. and it only takes 5 minutes to wash dry and put away. there is no waiting allowed or we won't have anything to eat on. Dishes are suprisingly easy to do when you only have 3 plates and three forks and one pan and do them before the morter hardens.

I also have very wisely chosen cookware. I have 2 pots (large and small) and three skillets (small, large and freaking huge). I few baking pans that i use regularly - at least once a week. I have a few things that I only use once or twice a year but need. they are stored in the basement. ( i should point out that we have 3 drawers and 6 small cupboards so simplifying in the kitchen is essential.)

clothes/laundry- we got rid of anythign that doesn't fit, has a stain or whatever. my children did not ned 30 outifts regardles sof how free or cute they were. and neither do my dh and I. We also only have one change of sheets for each bed and one spare matress pad for all the kids. of course this means washing more frequently but that is good enough. no laundry piling up. We can't leave it in the hamper and if I don't get around to folding and putting away it doesn't matter because it rotates so fast.

I have mercilessly been weeding out baby gear (obviously you can't do that yet ), I got rid of all my negatives and douplicate pictures as well as all those pictures that just weren't great (but for some reason it is hard for me to get rid of pictures, even bad ones. thank goodness fordigital photography.), got rid of any fans/humidifiers.lamos etc that don't work. lets face it. I will never get them fixed. they aren't worth it and they are not going top magically start working again. Got rid of a ton of books recently. that is what libraries are for. Also all those CDs youdon't listen too. money in the bank babe. take them to a second hand store and donate any that are left. I have been working through my fabric bin and sewing them into simple quilt tops. we got rid of probably 75% of our toys. they just build up so fast. stuffed animals especially. Go ahead and try to sell them but if they don't sell streight away go ahead and get rid of them.

and i have been throwing away anything paper. Careful once you break free of the packrat syndrome (Dr. Phill thinks pack ratting is rooted in control issues. I think he is right)you may have a tendency to go overboard. although, espcially if you are selling it might be worth to just start fresh with some things. sell all your kitchen stuff and replace with a few nice useful things that fit well in the space allotted.

My mom was a packrat but really got me was my MIL. She left SILs and BIL large bedrooms as they were, packed with stuff 6 years after they went to college. because she couldn't get rid of anythign or ask them to. in the mean time dh and his brother were crammed into a very small room but couldn't move up to the empty rooms because they were still full of crap. even thought thier siblings said they didn't care. to this day MIL still has 2 storage rooms full of toys and clothes. She won't pass the toys on to my kids, the clopthes are a mess. and the boys were twins and she kept everything in 2s. it doesn't even make sense to me that she had two of everything much less that she kept it. she still has the crib .. .doesn't understand why none of us use it. (death trap - not to mention that a 20 year old matress more or less exposed to the elements and tons of dust and toxins- it is stored in the garage rafters. . . is never a good thing). I do not want to turn into her. She keeps talking about moving and what not but we know she will never be able to part with all the stuff she has stored in that house. if they do move we would consider buying thier house but I know she would expect me to let them keep some stuff in storage there. i do not want to become that. and I have always driven her crazy she can't stand it that I am constantly getting rid of stuff and then having to buy it again. I tell you, we rarely loose out financially (we usually sell/trade it) but even if we did it would be worth it not to become too attatched to it.

good luck.

[solstar]

Boy do I belong here!
I come from a long line of packrats. My mother is a packrat, my grandma and greatgrandma too but they had maids. I wish I had one!

I kind of like to move because then I can throw out some things. Right now my desk is very cluttered with papers and things the kids brought in here.

Even pinecones and rocks! :/

I am just not very good at cleaning and never really learned how, my mom was certainly not a good example. It seems like I am always cleaning and never making a dent in the clutter.

[MommyMine]

we are packrats too.

For us it is frugality. You never know when you might need that. It has value. We can't just THROW IT OUT!

It criples me.

[ShannonCC]

Sake set - gone Freecycle works fast sometimes

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by MommyMine

For us it is frugality. You never know when you might need that. It has value. We can't just THROW IT OUT!

it is hard for me to really make this concrete so work with me I truely believe having too much stuff you don't need, living in cluttered chaos, sucks your money and bocks financial flow from you life. practically speaking I have a friend who always holds onto stuff because she got it for a good deal. she can't use it because there is no room to use it, she can't find what she already has to buys more. looses gift certificates, coupons, money, checks, etc . . .its all in there somewhere. not to mention how much time is spent lookig for what is lost in the clutter, walking around the clutter, lokoing for another spot to put stuff. time is worth something. Loking at our finances pre-purge and post purge getting rid of stuff has not cost us anything.

[MommyMine]

I agree lilyka and I know I have repurchased something I already had becuase I couldn't find it or forgot I had it.

But whenever I toss something I always wish I had it not too long later and then I kick myself. I struggle so hard.

[marybethorama]

Just have to add FWIW my mother is a terrific housekeeper and her house is very clean. She's super organized.

I'm the opposite: a very messy clutterer.

Clutterers come from all types of backgrounds.

Flylady does have some good ideas if you ignore the silly shoe rule.

Daily routines, 27 fling boogie etc.

[ShannonCC]

Mommymine, do you wish you had it back because it was something you really need or liked or because you just have a hard time letting anything go so your mind invents reasons to need it? I tossed some curtains the other day (not in the garbage - sent them to Goodwill). Not a day later I was thinking that I could have used them in another window and was annoyed with myself for giving them away. When I thought about it though, I realized I really couldn't use them in the new window (they were sheer and that window needs something more substantial - they would have been pretty but impractical). I think it was just me having a hard time letting something go and so coming up with ideas just to be able to say "see, you shouldn't have tossed that! Quit decluttering!".

Also, looking at it another way, you might be finding uses for things after you toss them simply because you are finally seeing them for the first time in months/years, so they are on your mind. If you keep them, will they really get used or will they get lost in the clutter again? I keep having to point that out to myself a lot. I will find something and think "ooooooo, I shouldn't toss this, I can do XYZ with it". And then I have to have a talk with myself about whether I am REALLY going to do XYZ or if I will just think about it for years and never get around to it. I sometimes put a limit on things. "Ok Shannon, you say you will do X with this. You have one week. If you don't do it by then, out it goes". I, uh, have a collection of holey t-shirts in the basement right now for that reason : I keep telling myself I'll make a crocheted rag rug out of them. It's been a few months since I came up with that idea and haven't done a thing toward it. I really should put a time limit on that project.

And this doesn't mean you can't keep anything I have a decent sized yarn stash I inherited from Grandma that I have no intention of getting rid of, but I *am* slowly getting rid of the colors I don't like. She left an unfinished blanket in colors I really don't care for. I'm working up to donating it to a charity so it will do some good (a local EMS squad crochets lap blankets for nursing homes in between calls - how perfect would that be???)

I will admit to having regretted a few things I've tossed but I haven't given a second thought to the vast majority of stuff that went out of this house. I'm also pretty easy on myself. I don't get rid of stuff until I am good and ready. My grandma's towels for example took up space and went unused for years but I just wasn't ready to get rid of them yet. But then, with the amount of packratting we do, there is plenty of stuff to get rid of that I don't have to obsess over. Why focus on the things I *do* obsess about?

What someone else said about buying things you can't find made me smile I do that too often. Dh and I joke if you can't find something just go buy a new one and you'll find the old one within a day

[MommyMine]

I don't know Shannon. It is an illness. And it runs in the women in my family deep. We are children of a depression era matriarch. We also keep insaign amounts of food around...just in case.

[Thalia]

bumping!