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my 16yo DD is bummed I'm pregnant

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Last night after my 16yo DD's soccer game we were talking about her getting called off the field by the Coach because she had 'talked-back' to him during the game.

We discussed that she's been very 'moody' lately and has a tone more often than normal (I know all teens have their tones). She said she was stressed about the coming baby and that my pregnancy/birth would take away my focus from her very important Junior recruiting summer (she's a pre-collegiate soccer player).

Gosh, I felt awful she was feeling this way, but was grateful she was communicating it to me. I knew she wasn't thrilled 'bout my pregnancy and has made comments about my age. I know she's entitled to feel the way she does-but I'm sad she feels so threatened. Gosh, I'd do anything for her. I'd love for her to be happy about a little bro/sister. She's such an incredible 16yo, I have so much respect for how she balances her school and athletics and responsiblities; she truly amazes me.

I told her I'm invested in her future with soccer & college and I won't let her down during this very important summer. And the return I expect on my investment is that she is a productive, happy, contributing, loving person in society that will bring God glory.

I'm just sad (a few tears whilst I write this) the poor kid feels that way.

Anyone else experience a fear from their older kids about the little ones?

Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 9
Jumping in from August, but I had to write.

I went through this when my mom was pregnant with #4. I was about 10 at the time and I was so MAD when I learned the news.

But, when my brother was born, I was the "little mama" trying to nurse him and everything!

I think your dd needs some time to digest the information. And, I think it would be helpful if you can explain to her how your family will change in wonderful ways. The LOVE from a baby is amazing - and I think in time, she'll feel much better about the situation.

But, another thing I would talk to her about is her friends. I had a friend who was in college when his little brother was born (he was 20.) And, unfortunately, SOOO many friends and people around town were talking badly about his mom for getting pregnant so late in life (so was just 40.) Of course, he LOVED having a little brother - but it was really hard for him to hear the negative comments. Maybe your daughter is experiencing this?

GL mama! I know it's hard to be really excited right now when things seem upside down - but I really think she'll come around.
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thank you Steph so much for your thoughtful reply. I truly appreciate you telling me about your experience & your friends as well.

I am going to give her time-she's been my one and only for so long I know this is weird to her. I will ask her about her friends...so far noone knows; but last time before I m/c in November her best buddy thought it was cool I was pregnant. We talked about names today and she was having fun thinking up some 'good' names.

I'll keep you posted.

Anita
post #4 of 9
Anita,

That's awesome and sounds like she has some good friends who will offer support to her when she needs it

Keep me posted though...
post #5 of 9
I WAS your DD! Only I was 17, and an exchange student in Europe when I found out my mom was pregnant. I was so angry I didn't know what to do with myself. I know I was horrible to my mom.

I had never felt that way with my other two siblings, but I was so close to leaving my family that I felt like I was being replaced ("out with the old, in with the new!")

It was also weird to think that my mom and I were (potentially) reproductive at the same time.

The good news is that once my brother was a few months old I loved him to pieces. I had a ball taking him places (I could drive!) and my boyfriend and I would play "house" with him. In fact, I moved back home for a year after college just so we would have one more year together, and he could remember me as a sister (My father has a sibling 18 years younger than him who thought my dad was his uncle!).
post #6 of 9
Give your DD lots of time, and she will come around. She is in shock, some serious shock. It is true what the PP said, she & her mom are reproductive at the same time, that is hard to grab you head around!!!

I have worked with teens for a long time. At first as a high school girl scout leader & then with the pregnant minor program. Totally different demographics with each, completly. But the one common thing, they were pretty selfish. It is the developmental age. It is all about me. How is the world affecting me? Where do I fit in? No matter what kind of upbringing. I dare you to show me one teenager that is not all about me. It is very hard to find one. Even the most philanthropic teen is still all about me to some degree.

Again give her time. Meet her where she is at. Sounds like you have a wonderful mother daughter relationship (one I wish to share with my dd). She will come around, eventually. It may take time, but she will get there. Just be open to her feelings & validate her.

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS I am glad I am not the only "advanced maternal age" Mama here!
post #7 of 9
Thread Starter 
mollykatsmom
I so appreciate your perspective; truly. You've been there-and she has communicated that she thought I would abandon her & her endeavors for this little one growing in my body. I NEVER considered the reproductive thing-I forget she's a young woman sometimes. She's not been too bad; more frequent smart-mouth and attitude...oh the evil :know-it-all teenage attitude. You know I realized I put that she's 16, because to me she already seems that old, but she'll be 16 in May. I guess with all the DMV stuff she's doing I already consider her 16yo.

crazyknitter
I thought about what you mentioned - teens do think the world revolves around them, my daughter included from time-to-time. I appreciate your advice. I am mindful of acknowledging her feelings about this and I'm not pressuring her for any type of acceptance in anyway-there's no need. She will or she won't. How will she be able to resist a lovable little bro/sis when they make their appearance?

Glad to know a fellow wise (age is relative) mamma. How old are you and when are you due? Do you have any other children?

Nice to meet both of you & thank you both so much for your responses.
post #8 of 9
Gosh, I felt awful she was feeling this way, but was grateful she was communicating it to me. I knew she wasn't thrilled 'bout my pregnancy and has made comments about my age. I know she's entitled to feel the way she does-but I'm sad she feels so threatened. Gosh, I'd do anything for her. I'd love for her to be happy about a little bro/sister. She's such an incredible 16yo, I have so much respect for how she balances her school and athletics and responsiblities; she truly amazes me.


That was great. I think you need to let her read it.
post #9 of 9
Quote:
Glad to know a fellow wise (age is relative) mamma. How old are you and when are you due? Do you have any other children?
I will be close to 37 when this babe is born. I do have 2 older children. They will be 12 & 9 when this babe comes.
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