Question for Moms of 2 or More Children!

[mom2sweetboy]

This baby will be our second baby. Our first child will be 4 shortly after this baby is born. Anyway, if you have 2 or more children, tell me what to expect, how you made the transition as easy as possible, and what things you did to make it easier on everyone. What things were hardest for you? What were the biggest changes? Thanks so much for your help!

[Summerland]

My son was born Oct, 14, 2002 and im due late sept!!
I hope my son will be excited and not super Jealous, he's a really sweet boy too so i think he will love a baby.
Im curious to see what people will reply to your questions.

[zinemama]

Not in your ddc but here's my take on it: my ds was 3 when the baby was born and had a really hard time. Lots of anger, tantrums, hitting, etc. Not that I could blame him when his world had been so radically changed, but despite my dh taking lots of leave and my reassurances, it was pretty awful. What made everything much better was when he started preschool.

Suddenly, he had something to do that was special, just for him, that the baby had no part of. He loved being around kids his own age instead of being stuck home with a mother who was always nursing "that baby." His whole attitude really changed.

And for me, it was great because I finally got to have some time alone with the baby, to just lay him on a blanket on the floor and dangle toys over his head to watch him bat at them, without him getting trampled by his brother. To nurse him without worrying about someone hitting me because I couldn't get down on the floor and do legos.

If I'd had my second when my 3yo was already in preschool, I think a lot of the problems wouldn't have been so bad. But the baby was born in February, so it was kind of a long haul. If you're thinking about sending your older boy to preschool, you're in the perfect position, as he'll have all of September to get used to it before the baby comes.

[theboysmama]

my boys are 23 months apart. We had a fairly easy transition. I was still nursing ds1 and tandemed for 14months. I think that really helped their relationship. Also I tried to not ever blame not having time for ds 1 on the baby. I would say things like I am busy right now and will help you as soon as I am done instead of I am feeding, changing, holding the baby, etc. They are really close. I also am a nanny to 2 girls I have been watching them 6 yrs and they are very much a part of the family. They were 6 and 3 when dh1 was born and I tried to do things to include them. They would help me read to the baby, pick out clothes for the baby, etc. We also make sure that all the kids get 1 on 1 time w/ dh or myself. This really helps ALL of us to relax and enjoy eachother.
Congratulations mama!!!

[time4another]

Not in your ddc but here's my take on it: my ds was 3 when the baby was born and had a really hard time. Lots of anger, tantrums, hitting, etc. Not that I could blame him when his world had been so radically changed, but despite my dh taking lots of leave and my reassurances, it was pretty awful

I had a similar experience with my 3 yo DD as well. I wonder if it has to do with that age as well. My DD regressed in PTing also. When DD went to ps, a year later her attitude changed as well. My 2 are 2years 344 days apart we were rocking ODD's whole world and bringing in a new sib for her birthday-poor thing I felt so bad.

The good news is that now they are pretty much best friends. Sure they have sibling issues but that's pretty normal. Now they have each other for when the new baby comes in September and we are thinking of sending YDD to PS then too.

Heather

[mom2sweetboy]

I am planning to homeschool, but would consider preschool---problem is the only one 2 preschools in my area that I would consider are 1/2 hour away. I can't imagine trying to drive 1/2 hour (1 hour round trip) with an infant also. Anyway, thanks for everyone's thoughts! I'm hoping it all works out okay.

[Caroline248]

Also not in your DDC, but I thought I could share.

My first two are four years apart. It was a wonderful, smooth transition. My older one loved to help, and he really took to the baby. He got to watch a "special" big boy movie every afternoon at the baby's long nap (I needed to lay down) and some other special things that were all his. I think that helped. The key seemed to be showing him how positive his role was a new big brother, and really allowing him to get "down and dirty" in the taking care of baby stuff. We inntroduced a bottle early on with her (like two months) for him to feed her as well, he had been begging us!! I think following your 4 year olds cues will show you the right way to go.

My next two are two years apart. Another breeze.

The two that are three years apart..that was a nightmare. I will NEVER do three years apart again, must be something with those threes!! (Of course, I am done done done...)

Oh, and don't be surprised when you have the baby and you four year old looks like a MONSTER (size-wise)to you!! I remember thinking how HUUUGE he was, and I was afraid to let him near the baby the first two days or so...

~C~