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Hi - new here! - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705
Well, actually, I don't know anyone in this city, state or area of the country. We moved here last February never intending on having kids so soon...all I did was work work work in the beginning until I was put on bedrest around week 18 of my pregnancy. It was a long, lonely time on bedrest knowing absolutely on one. There was no one to even run to the store for me, so I had no choice but to "violate" bedrest when I ran out of food -- I can't help but wonder if that contributed to my PTL. Then the NICU time...I was also very alone. Now, here with my babies in this 400 sq ft apartment, we are still alone and...I don't think that's going to change. I'm not asking for pity or anything....I've done it alone this whole time now that the babies are sleeping a lot more at night and letting me sleep too it is so much better. Several weeks ago, I didn't know if I was going to make it...no sleep at all I thought I was literally losing my mind. There were times I had to put the babies down and just curl up in a corner for a little while. My parents bought me a twin stroller and had it shipped to me -- it has been a life saver...I walk 8 to 10 miles per day now with that thing...starting to lose a little of the pregnancy weight finally I believe, so things are looking up for me. I hope to be moving out of this studio and into a larger apartment soon. I am married -- but he is never here...he is constantly out or working..whenever he does come home, he immediately puts in earplugs and sleeps until he has to leave again. That's another issue that it's probably best I don't get into..I've actually done plenty of venting about that on the PPD forum so I'll save it for there. At least he puts money into the account to pay the bills -- single women don't always have that luxury.
I do appreciate the advice though -- I know my situation is not one that one would generally assume.


Amanda, I know it is hard to "think outside the box" when just trying to survive day to day, but there are groups who may be willing and able to help. Is there a senior citizen center? Often seniors enjoy helping with babies and MOT can always use extra arms through a day. Are there any junior high schools or churches in your area that have youth groups? Often young teens make interested and very good mother helpers. If a church's young teens are working toward confirmation or some such "adult entry" ritual they often have to fulfill service projects. Helping a mother with one baby may not qualify but helping someone new to the community with two babies often does. (If you belong to a church, often they have meal makers that drop off meals to parishioners in need. And, YES, you ARE in need right now.)

Re: You and your babies need your husband/their father -- both physically and emotionally. (He sounds as if he may be experiencing a PPD too.) Have you spoken to your doctor about possible PPD? Have you considered counseling? (Don't say you can't afford it; local mental health centers often can work out a sliding scale. And it may be that you can't afford not to.) PPD does not just affect one person in a family; it literally affects every member. Please don't let it go if you think this is an issue. Everyone benefits when you take care of yourself, too.

Re: "violate" bedrest -- let go of guilt there. Sounds as if you did your absolute best. And the scientific evidence on the benefits of strict bed rest during pregnancy is rather weak, anyway. It's not preventive; it's last ditch...

Karen
post #22 of 25
Thread Starter 
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post #23 of 25
Amanda,

You are doing a great job!!!

My twins were born 6 weeks early and were in the NICU for 2 weeks. I thought they would never BF. I was so persistent and determined though, that it pulled me through the hard times. There were many tears and I thought I had no one who understood. If it was not for this forum I would've been a basket case. It was the validation that I was doing a good job when I thought I was the worst mother in the world. You are in the right place.

You are a very strong mama! But please feel free to vent. My husband has been gone alot too tending to his life. Work and School. It is hard and we argue ALOT. I am doing the best I can and that is all we can do.

While they weren't BF'ing right off the bat we had small progresses that needed to be celebrated. It will happen. Little by Little.

blessings to you and your babes you are a great mama!!!

namaste
post #24 of 25
BTW, Evening Primrose Oil helped alot with the stress. I took 1 1300mg capsule in the morning and 1 at night. It did help.

post #25 of 25
Wow, Amanda! You sound like you are holding up extremely well, under the circumstances!!! It sounds like you have a good perspective on how brief this season of your life will actually be. That is good. I can somewhat sympathize. I live in a tiny apartment in the back of my husband's business in a small town that we just moved to in June. I have 3 children (4 and under), and am due with twins in May! My DH is awesome, though. We have both grown a lot and come a long way in the past couple of years. I can remember when we tried to move away from my family before when I was pregnant with number two. I stayed at home, and he was always at work, it seemed. He worked with his brother, too, so I was really jealous of the time he got to spend with family and just other adults in general. It was terrible. He did move me back home, though. He travelled back and forth trying to establish the business, and I was happy to have friends and family around again. Gradually, we both decided that for family and business purposes, it would be best to move back so he could be at work every day, but home every night. That is why we are living in the back of the building. It has one bedroom, a LR, and a kitchen/DR...it is bigger than yours, but it would still be EMBARRASSING for anyone to come and help. I have been praying for friends and a home...well, actually I just worried about it and MADE myself get involved at a church here. I even made myself go on Wednesday nights to dinner before church, so I could get to know some people. It took a while, but I finally started to feel like I knew some people, and people started getting to know me and the kids...and DH. He doesn't go to dinner with us...not really a people person. ANYWAY, I finally got desperate and began to actually pray for like-minded friends and a home, and WOW! We are moving next week into a very affordable (old) house that has 3 br/1 ba and a big yard! ...and windows!! (we have one tiny window in our apartment now). Also, I met a lady at the library today who stays home with her children (that is a rare find around here). We exchanged numbers and are both excited about getting the kids together. Also, everyone at church seems like they are going to be there to help out when the babes come. I am sorry for all the rambling. I was just wondering...do you pray? I know it is hard to decide on a church, too...it took us several months, and we still weren't sure we had the right one at first. We are now, though. Anyway, I think it is wonderful that you are able to see how far you have come, and how you know things are going to get better. It is such a wonderful miracle that your babies are so healthy, and I know it has a lot to do with how much you care for and love them...enough to do all that you can for their health! I know it must be hard to do all that you are doing. I can't imagine. I am really impressed! I know how hard it has been for ME, and I am encouraged by your attitude. I know also, about the DH thing...my DH had a hard time being involved with babies. He is wonderful with our children, but always left the babies to me. It always took a while for him to bond with them. (Pregnancies were always hard on our relationship, too...this is our 4th pregnancy, and he is being so sweet! We are both learning a lot as we go. I know God is helping us both to see each others needs before our own. It is awesome...but it has been a long road. I feel like he'll be a lot different with the babies this time around,too...he's just a lot more concerned about my needs and the babies...I guess we all take time to grow. anyway...) I know that doesn't help you now, but hopefully, he'll come around the older they get. You can email me, if you'd like. I don't know you at all, and I don't want to offend anyone...but, if you would like to "talk" or anything, just email me...I hope you are having a good day. I wish I lived nearby, so I could come help!! You wouldn't have to be embarrassed for me to come over, lol! I am about in the same boat...3 kids/1 br, lol.
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