Hi! New here; frustrated and needing advice - Page 2

[suziek]

SierraTahoe,

I know you are in pain over this, but I just wanted to thank you for starting this great thread. Your honesty is appreciated, and has brought out a lot of good advice and thoughtfulness. I have nothing great to offer, except my thanks.

Also, good luck ttc. We just found out today our #4 is a boy! Horray!

[emdeecee_sierra]

Let's see: accountable to myself... to keep myself actually doing school on a daily basis. With the house building, I feel really guilty that we correction I slacked off with school a bit due to my General Contractor duties. I feel I was/have been letting DC down due to my other obligations. DH and I both feel our family needs some structure again, and we both automatically thought of HS being more primary in our lives.... not saying this well, and all it comes to is, sure, I can still HS daily, but I just need to do a better job of it than I have been. To make it match DC as you all keep suggesting. My 'he's being manipulative' comment comes from me assuming DC is trying to avoid HS altogether, to just get back to the days when Mommy was on the phone and they just messed around.

Yes, I feel I have completely lost the "AP" connection I have with DC (crying as I write this......) Our every interaction is Mommy being a hag, DC glazing over.

You are so right, my first obligation is to my DC, not the co-op.

I'm telling DH today that next week is our last week at co-op. DC already has done the work and I know would be disappointed not to turn it in, plus everyone is doing Valentines so it will be a nice send-off.

I really like the idea of asking DC what he wants to do. He has given me some leads lately, but stupid me, I keep putting those off, trying to get other stuff done first, then do the stuff he wants to. Once again,

Thank you my3kids for the thoughts on TTC- why does all this have to be a vicious circle- stress begets stress arrrrggg! And congrats on the boy susiek!

Better get off the computer, I'll check back later.

[almama]

I just reread the OP and I have a gentle suggestion - meaning I have *NO* idea if it would apply, so take it with a grain of salt. My son is also in the gifted camp and I know several other moms with gifted kids. We've opened our eyes to the fact that learning disabilities are not uncommon in gifted kids, they just manifest a little differently. One mom's daughter is very compliant with work, but rolls around and jumps, etc when she tries to do work. She is now in a range of vision therapies and is exploring other therapies. It seems to be helping a lot, not just with work, but with behavior. Check out giftedhomeschoolers.org and look under the 2e section if you have any interest. No one is talking about medication, but if a little vision therapy or whatever helps, why not.

P.S.
I truly believe that young boys don't do well with structured learning in general, so it is probably just a function of that.

[Luv2Photograph]

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[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by sierratahoe

Let's see: accountable to myself... to keep myself actually doing school on a daily basis. With the house building, I feel really guilty that we correction I slacked off with school a bit due to my General Contractor duties.

What if a good fairy would appear and tell you that she can wave her magic wand and your children will learn everything they need to know and much more, grow to love learning and be confident of their abilities - and even go on to good colleges if they choose, without you ever doing "School" again? Would you tell her to go for it? OR - would you have some hesitation about giving up School even if it could magically be made unnecessary? Something to think about - because I think most of us have been so deeply ingrained with the notion that School is "good" for children - like drinking their Milk (which actually isn't particularly good for them either) - that we find it unnerving to think of not doing It. How will they learn to sit still beyond their comfort level and follow directions about doing things that they intuitively know are unnecessary? How will they learn to..to... What is it again?

DH and I both feel our family needs some structure again, and we both automatically thought of HS being more primary in our lives....

Another question to consider: Does Home *School* really have to be the way days are structured? What if you were to plan an activities schedule once a week until you come up with one that really works well? Early mornings consisting of snuggling up and reading books to them? What if some could be quietly playing or curled up happily listening to books on tape and looking through picture books when what you're reading isn't interesting to their particular age? You could even record yourself reading books so they could follow the words *if* they wanted to... What if there were to be set times to go to the library, bake, do crafts, go to park day, have friends over to play? A time set aside for games? To get outdoors playing and walking in nature? Time to straighten up the house while everybody sings and dances to music? All these things while having interesting conversations about their questions, answering their questions, helping them learn things they ask help with, and looking up answers for them in books or the computer when necessary. That's structure too - but they could be learning even more than they've been learning with School, and it wouldn't be any more taxing than what you've been putting yourself through...

My 'he's being manipulative' comment comes from me assuming DC is trying to avoid HS altogether, to just get back to the days when Mommy was on the phone and they just messed around.

Maybe. Young children are so hopeless to get their wishes respected and honored - they react from feelings in the only ways they know. What if he were to just flat out announce that he doesn't want to do the school work you've been requiring? Would he expect that to work? Probably not - he's probably just reacting in frustration, because his sense is that nothing is going to work to get him out from under it. But "messing around" is something children do when their world is a little off kilter - whereas PLAYING is their real work, and what they do when all's well and play is supported as the really important and respectable thing they should be doing. How blessed is the child whose play is nurtured...

Yes, I feel I have completely lost the "AP" connection I have with DC (crying as I write this......)

Aw, hey, we've all blown it at one time or another, and it sounds as if you've been under exceptional stress for a while. You'll be having more time now to be relaxed with your little ones - and they'll be living in one moment after another, not even looking back at the time that's been lost to chaos.

I really like the idea of asking DC what he wants to do. He has given me some leads lately, but stupid me, I keep putting those off, trying to get other stuff done first, then do the stuff he wants to. Once again,

Been there/done that. But you're picking up on it early, so you have wonderful years ahead for working it all out. I'm ~really impressed~ with your resilience and ability to quickly make radical changes like the ones you're talking about! Wow! Best of luck with it all! Lillian