help! partner's mood really bad since i found out i'm pregnant...

[umami_mommy]

my partner has been a total grump since i got a positive 3 weeks ago. he says he's happy, that he wants another, but he has been a total jerk to me. his mom sent *us* $40 for valentine's day, and when i said "maybe we can go out to eat" he snaps at me about eating out last week and then the take out we got the other day. (this was just one of a whole string of stuff he did today until i finally blew up at him and yelled and took my son and went out.)

feeling like i'm going be going through this alone at this point and i'm pretty sad about it.

i'm not sure what to do at this point, he wasn't like this the first time around. in fact, i pretty much don't know who he is anymore and when i ask him what is going on, he blames me for his bad moods. when i ask if he would be happier if i left, he gets very upset and angry that i would think of leaving.

don't know if i can take him acting like this for the next 33 weeks.

[chrissy]

well, that just stinks! my husband acts funny about pregnancy too. do you think you could sit him down sometime when your son is asleep and ask him about, tell him how he is coming off to you and ask him what is up.

i'm sorry you're going through this and i really hope it gets better soon.

[Earthy~Mama]

I am sorry you have to go through this when it should be a joyous time. My Dh gets that way as well. It's not that he isn't happy it's just that he starts to worry about money. He is always worrying about money but he gets really stressed when it comes to a new baby. I hope things work out for the best for you.

[Hazel]

I"m sorry. It sucks when they act that way. My dh is very excited about the baby but he also has bad days or weeks bcz he is very stressed about the money. He is looking at getting a 2nd job and that means he will see our other two children less often.
Maybe its just stress and he really isnt meaning to have it come across the way it is? at any rate I hope it gets better.

[umami_mommy]

yeah, i know it's stress, but i don't think that excuses it. it's really hurtful. last night my son poured a cup of water on the floor during his bath and he exploded all over the place. it's just water for gods sake. i told him to leave and i cleaned it up with the towels from the dirty laundry and no big deal. i hate feeling like i live in a soap opera. and i hate feeling like our (ds and me) feelings don't matter.

[soccermominsd]

Hey Andrea,
Yea it sounds like he's feeling $$ pressure or something like the pp mentioned. My ex used to be weird about finances when they were tough and was awful to DD & I. You are absolutely right ...it's not an excuse to treat you or your DS badly because he feels that way.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope he resolves whatevers going on inside him and communicates it to you rather than acting out.

[~Megan~]

I think he's probably under a lot of stress. Most men feel a huge pressure to be a good provider. My dh got stressed (not jerky) when we got pregnant with ds even though we were planning it. To him two kids seemed like a much bigger responsibility than just one.

[stayathomecristi]

We're in the same boat--I've been treated like I have the plague or something.

I know that it has to do with money pressure, but it's true that it's inexcusable (and he thinks he's getting some on Valentine's Day? ).

Guys do think about how they are going to provide for the family and how this new life is going to infringe on their freedom. Add to that the fact that they don't feel pregnant at all and you have a recipe for no empathy. My dh is currently in denial. Hopefully he'll come around before I kill him .

[3_angels]

Hi ladies, lurking here from August DDC and I feel your pain. My sweetie was stand offish when I was first preggo and we didn't make love or anything for weeks. I was really hurt. He got over it, as I'm sure your hubbies will, and now he smothers me with affection. Remember, you are goddess, creating a new life. Men are slow sometimes. He'll come around.

[Tori Gollihugh]

You're totally right that his treatment is not deserved. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time with him. Not that this will make anything better, but when I was the sole breadwinner I think I was pretty much exactly as you described your DP. I guess I'm just not one made to have that kind of responsibility... maybe he's feeling that way.

It really sounds like he's worried about being a good provider and just not dealing with his concerns in a good way at all. Maybe strategically placing compliments and gratitude would help? When my sweet DH starts to seem overwhelmed, I try to do this more and he always seems to relax a lot... like my opinion of the situation was what he was most concerned over and when he realizes that - even though we don't have money - I'm TRULY happy, he can be relieved of some of the concern he feels over adequacy regarding our finances and stuff. Don't know if it would help, but doubt it could hurt.

Hope things get better for ya!

Originally Posted by honeybeedreams

yeah, i know it's stress, but i don't think that excuses it. it's really hurtful. last night my son poured a cup of water on the floor during his bath and he exploded all over the place. it's just water for gods sake. i told him to leave and i cleaned it up with the towels from the dirty laundry and no big deal. i hate feeling like i live in a soap opera. and i hate feeling like our (ds and me) feelings don't matter.