Should I HS my 13 yr old??? CAN I????

[babytoes]

Hello ladies. I am here wondering about HS my 13 yr old, who will be going into 8th grade next year. A bit of back ground, I have sent him to public school his entire life. Although I have always thought the're way of teaching was never a good fit for him, as he has ADHD, I kept doing it b/c I thought it was the right thing to do. I am much older now, and I have learned A LOT about what we think is right and what really is. He has always struggled with school. And was always disorganized, and now with jr high it is so much worse. I dont feel that the things they teach in school are what he needs. He excells in math and science, but stumbles miserably in reading english and history. He is a wonderful reader, and is really beyond 7th grade in his reading ability, but for some reason in class he just doesnt shine. I dont think that history is his subject at all, he says he finds it very boring (I did too, so I understand!). As for english, it is just hard for him, and that is ok, he should learn to get through that, as it is an important subject. I have been actively working very closely with his teachers, who are very wonderful and want to help him improve, to keep him on track and organized. Just when I thought things may be getting better, mid term exams came back, and I was kicked in the stomach by his horrendous grades! He failed in the classes that he was getting A's and B's in!!! And passed with flying colors in the classes that he was failing.... .....makes NO sense at all to me!! But the problems still continue. He recently started staying after school 3 days a week to help him with his homework, I think it is helping but I wont know for sure for a few weeks. I think that he needs more schooling in other areas, areas that he looks foward to learning about. It just makes sense to me that if he is doing really well in a few subjects that if they were somehow incorperated into the other subjects that he would do better with them too. May be I am crazy, and I dont know how it all works, which I dont!!

Oh I am rambling..........I am just so confused!!!

I have looked into HSing in the past, and with a 2 yr old, and a 5 yr old(that goes to public kindergarden, and LOVES it), I just didnt think I could handle it all. My DH is 50% suportive, he wonders if I will loose my cookies trying to handle it all !!! I did not do well in school myself, and I am scared to death that I will not be able to effectivly teach him what he needs. Although my DH is very smart and could easily teach him what I cannot, BUT, he is FAR from a good teacher, no patients, and with a child that has a hard time he just gets upset at the poor kiddo, it never ends well

I am really stuck here on what to do. I would love to take him out and let him learn in other ways than tons of test's. But it may be expensive, and what if I cannot give him what he needs? I am not good at organizing myself let alone someone else too!! (Gee I wonder were he got that from!?) Is there anyone here that is teaching at the high school level? And what kind of advice would you give me? What are my options with online courses? How much money will I be investing into this?

Thank you so much for struggling through this l-o-n-g post!!!

[simple living mama]

Boy, would this be a good time for you to read the Teenage Liberation Handbook. From your post, I think he would shine coming home!

[moominmamma]

One thing that's always struck me about school...

Well, a question first -- during your adult life have you tended to focus your time on doing things that you are good at, or on things that you're not good at? If you're like almost everyone I've ever asked, you've spent your time at things you're pretty good at. If you have a 'false start' in a career, it was likely at something you weren't terribly good at. You changed tacks and were happier putting your energy somewhere else. Your leisure pursuits and hobbies are likely mostly things you feel pretty competent at. If you consider yourself a good cook, you probably spend more time at it than I do. If you consider yourself a good housekeeper, or a good person for friends-in-crisis to talk to, or a good gardener, you probably spend time doing those things... more time, at any rate, than people who aren't very good at them.

This is what school gets backwards, in my opinion. In school, if you're "bad at reading" or if you "suck at math" you spend more time at it than the kids who love it and do well. You work twice as long at your homework, you stay in at recess doing extra problems, you stay for 'homework club' after school to get extra help.

Just as you suggest, I think schools should let kids focus on their areas of strength. Because everything is connected to everything else, and because curious and motivated minds will explore their preferred subjects broadly and deeply and discover those connections, the 'weaker' areas will inevitably get dragged along somewhat. And even if they don't, the end result is a self-confident, capable learner with a relative deficiency, rather than a defeated, demoralized student who believes he is a failure at learning.

But schools can't do this -- because they're a mass-education system that dispenses a standardized educational approach, and because they chop that interconnected web of knowledge and skills up into discrete subject areas that are taught by different people during different time blocks using unrelated curricula.

I agree that the Teenage Liberation Handbook would be a great place for both you and your ds to start exploring education outside of school.

Miranda

[Monda]

I don't know if you have tried this yet or not, but a great way to see how HSing will work for you is to try a few projects at home. Say, reading a good book out loud to him. See if he is receptive, does he want to talk to you about it..etc...

Is he respectful to you most of the time, and fairly obedient (after all, if you can't get him to make his bed, you probably won't be able to get him to do his grammar


If you discover that their may be some behavior issues to deal with, work on those before bringing him home full time. My take is, if you have a dedicated parent, and an obedient child, homeschooling can work.

[chaos_pie]

Just some more questions

What does he think of hs? Are you thinking of taking him out right now? Could you "test drive" hs over the summer? If you take him out, it doesn't work out, can you re-enroll him at the same school? Is your relationship such that you could talk about a hs plan and discuss what it means for hs to work or not work out? What does he think of the Teenage Liberation book?

Those questions address the "should"

Now the "can I"....That I can answer without any further questions....absolutely!!!! Find support, meet local homeschoolers, read books about hs...all of these will help you in the journey.

[babytoes]

Originally Posted by moominmamma

This is what school gets backwards, in my opinion. In school, if you're "bad at reading" or if you "suck at math" you spend more time at it than the kids who love it and do well. You work twice as long at your homework, you stay in at recess doing extra problems, you stay for 'homework club' after school to get extra help.

This is what I am thinking!! I just dont understand WHY kids have to be pushed face first into the subjects that they dont do well with!!

Just as you suggest, I think schools should let kids focus on their areas of strength. Because everything is connected to everything else, and because curious and motivated minds will explore their preferred subjects broadly and deeply and discover those connections, the 'weaker' areas will inevitably get dragged along somewhat. And even if they don't, the end result is a self-confident, capable learner with a relative deficiency, rather than a defeated, demoralized student who believes he is a failure at learning.

It is so good to know that what I was saying in my OP was ok. I just am not sure how the brain learns, I am very new to all of this. But, for me, not a college graduate, and not as "smart" as the people that come up with our children's schooling system, it seems so simple to figure out! WHY push the hard subjects?? PUSH the ones they "get", and love to learn about!!

I will look for the Teenage Liberation book at amazon, it sounds like we need to do more research!! I am just scared I will screw him up! I know that it is highly unlikely, but still, I what him to be able to ANYthing he wants to do. And if he cant get into colleges b/c of bad HSing, it would lay very heavy on my shoulders. Thats what I am scared of.

[SagMom]

I second The Teenage Liberation Handbook It would be great for your son to read as well.

My ds is 14 and we've been homeschooling since he was 9. He had been diagnosed with a learning disability as well, which is just a non-issue since he's been home. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and quirks and needs and talents. Being a homeschooler has just let him be who he is without the labels or comparisons between himself and the child sitting next to him. There are lists and boards for parents hsing a "special needs" child, which you may find helpful, or you may find that he doesn't seem so "special needs" anymore once he's working on his own.

I dont feel that the things they teach in school are what he needs. He excells in math and science, but stumbles miserably in reading english and history. He is a wonderful reader, and is really beyond 7th grade in his reading ability, but for some reason in class he just doesnt shine.
I dont think that history is his subject at all, he says he finds it very boring (I did too, so I understand!). As for english, it is just hard for him, and that is ok, he should learn to get through that, as it is an important subject.

The great thing about homeschooling is that kids can work to their strengths and interests. The other great thing is that, you don't need to work within "subjects." Splitting work up into subjects is another management tool that schools use. It makes it easier for them to report how many hours each child has spent on a particular topic, yk? But you don't NEED to do it that way at home. For instance, if ds is reading a science fiction book, which leads to a question about known science, so he does some internet and library research to answer his question, then finds out the history of the scientific discovery he's looking into, what do you call that? (Is it science, reading, research, computer literacy, history?) Things tend to all meld together when you're outside of school.

And everyday life has plenty of "lessons" in it. Shopping, banking, cooking, building, repairing, etc. all require math and other school subjects.

My son has trouble getting himself organized too. From what I've learned from other moms of male teens, it seems to be a male teen thing. He asked me not too long ago, for help in this area. So, every day we sit down and discuss what he wants to do, or appointments or plans he's made, and organize his day together. I'm sooooooo not an organizer, but I'm still able to help him so he's comfortable, and he likes having his list to remind him of things he wants to do.

It just makes sense to me that if he is doing really well in a few subjects that if they were somehow incorperated into the other subjects that he would do better with them too. May be I am crazy, and I dont know how it all works, which I dont!!

I think you're on the right track. We don't record subjects, but when I need to think in terms of school (like replying to questions like yours ) I'm reminded of all that he's learning just by following his own interests. For instance, ds was NOT a writer. He hated all forms of writing--anything that required putting pencil to paper. For a while, he would sketch...dragons, characters from books he'd read, medieval weaponry, but he wouldn't write ANYTHING. Then he got interested in online role playing games and found that he needed to communicate with other players. So, he started writing because of a game. Then he wanted to write faster, so he picked up a typing practice computer program. Later, he decided he wanted to write longer things and asked for help organizing his paragraphs, correcting spelling, fixing grammar, etc. I never sat down with him to "do grammar." I know he was "behind" his schooled peers in writing for a very long time, (even when he was IN school, but that's another story) but I think he's picking things up so much faster now because he WANTS to learn and has a use for it.

I am scared to death that I will not be able to effectivly teach him what he needs.

YOU don't need to teach. You could, and I'm sure you've been doing it all along, but I mean, you don't need to teach as a school teacher. He'll learn loads on his own, by reading, by asking questions, by figuring things out on his own, and from discussions with you and others. You don't need to stand in front of a blackboard and lecture. I'm often marveling at my kids' comments, thinking, "I didn't know they knew that." Ds reads a lot of books, we have all sorts of magazines around, we rent movies, he comes up with his own projects and experiments. I'm really just the assistant here. I help with research when he gets stuck, make suggestions ("Oh, you know who you could ask about that?") buy supplies, help him find resources or information or classes, drive him places, and help organize things.

It may take some time for your ds to settle into homeschooling (you'll come across the term "deschooling" sooner or later) but I've found that freedom has really let my kids find their strengths and get excited about learning and life.

Money. If I had more money, I could certainly spend it. But you don't NEED to spend a lot to homeschool. We don't buy a packaged curriculum. I buy things as we need them. For instance, I just bought a book on food garnishes and some tools for dd as she's interested in cooking and food styling. Ds will be going on an archeology dig this summer. We spend money on museums, archery practice, gymnastics and ice skating lessons. We use the library a lot, but still buy some books. The younger ones use art supplies, ds just needed supplies to build a trebuchet. His next project is some sort of rocket. Ds would like to learn more about geometry, so I'll get a book on that soon. He's also interested in woodworking, so we're looking into those tools. It makes more sense for us to spend money on their projects and interests as we need to than to spend a bunch of money on a boxed set of textbooks and workbooks that they probably won't use anyway.

If he's willing to try homeschooling, I'd say GO AHEAD! If the way you hs seems to not be working out for him, you can always change the way you're approaching it. If he decides he can't live without school, he could always go back. There really isn't anything to loose, imo. Good luck.

[babytoes]

Originally Posted by chaos_pie

What does he think of hs? Are you thinking of taking him out right now? Could you "test drive" hs over the summer? If you take him out, it doesn't work out, can you re-enroll him at the same school? Is your relationship such that you could talk about a hs plan and discuss what it means for hs to work or not work out? What does he think of the Teenage Liberation book?

He hates school. He has a very hard time making friends, and as a result he has made a few enemies, unfortunatly. The school is very supportive of him and I, which is good. He wants to homeschool, he asks me about it all the time. He knows I am on the fence about the whole thing. And he says that he would work very hard. I would not take him out now, I would let him finish the year out. I can re-enroll him if things dont go as planned. We have a great relationship, and I can talk to him about anything, he is a very good kid, he is easy to get along with, and very helpful. He does the dishes, vacuums, helps out with the baby. Super easy kid, he always was, I had him very young, 17, and I was blessed with a very easy baby, and now easy teenager. We could disscuss a hs plan together, and we will read the Teenage Liberation book together, when I get it.

[simple living mama]

Originally Posted by babytoes

I will look for the Teenage Liberation book at amazon, it sounds like we need to do more research!! I am just scared I will screw him up!

See if your library has it first. (Frugal mom speaking here.) If there is a lot of love, patients and desire, there is no way you will screw up your son. You will be learning together and learning is a beautiful thing.

[chaos_pie]

Originally Posted by babytoes

He hates school. He has a very hard time making friends, and as a result he has made a few enemies, unfortunatly. The school is very supportive of him and I, which is good. He wants to homeschool, he asks me about it all the time. He knows I am on the fence about the whole thing. And he says that he would work very hard. I would not take him out now, I would let him finish the year out. I can re-enroll him if things dont go as planned. We have a great relationship, and I can talk to him about anything, he is a very good kid, he is easy to get along with, and very helpful. He does the dishes, vacuums, helps out with the baby. Super easy kid, he always was, I had him very young, 17, and I was blessed with a very easy baby, and now easy teenager. We could disscuss a hs plan together, and we will read the Teenage Liberation book together, when I get it.

Then I say, I think you have all the pieces in place to have an EXCELLENT hs plan. So, yes! I think that hs is something you should indeed try, after you talk about what will work and won't!

Best of luck! I think it sounds like an awesome plan!

[phathui5]

I'd recommend giving your son The Teenage Liberation Handbook and letting him read it. To let you know, the whole idea of the book is kids taking charge of their educations, pursuing their dreams and learning about what interests them. It does not advocate the sort of homeschooling where you are doing "school at home" with some sort of pre-set curriculum. It is a beautiful, inspiring book. I read it right before I quit high school.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by Monda

Is he respectful to you most of the time, and fairly obedient (after all, if you can't get him to make his bed, you probably won't be able to get him to do his grammar.

Just wanted to point out that successful homeschooling does not necessarily require either obedience or doing grammar. It all depends on how you approach the enterprise.

Miranda

(who does not have, or particularly want, obedient kids)

[3momkmb]

First of all YES! you can!

Secondly, whether you should or not depends entirely on if you feel that you want to and/or you DS would benefit from it. It sounds like yes on both accounts.

I have a 12yo that I do not unschool. I wanted to add my 2c about how you could teach a child that age in a realxed manner in case that's the direction you would like to head.

One of the great things about homeschooling is you can play to a child's strengths. You are correct in saying that if he excels and enjoys math and science he should concentrate in those subjects. Get his opinion on what he would like to do for science (chemistry, physics etc) and on the program to use. Or just let him do an independent study in an area of interest. Same with math. Let him go with his passions!

I'm not surprised that English and history give him trouble, schools tend to make these subjects boring Since he's a good reader you could easily cover history with some interesting historical novels and/or a readable history book or two. He could read biographies of scientists as well. What are they saying he is doing *wrong* in English and history? There are certainly ways to incorporate things he might need to *work on* painlessly if there truly is an issue.

I say go for it!

[Lillian J]

My experience was that once I got past the beginning awkward stage of assuming I was going to be my son's teacher , he was clearly and impressively his own best teacher, and I was a trusted facilitator. That worked very well.

I hope you soon get past the worry of failing. Between this forum, the www, the library, and local homeschooling support - piece o' cake - you and your son can do this!

The homeschooling "failures" I've personally seen (defined by a child demanding to go back to school) have been the direct result of parents insisting on a traditional teacher-student model where the parent makes assignments as to what and how their children should be learning. That just doesn't make any sense to me now that I've had the experience of seeing how children learn outside a classroom, and it doesn't make sense to a lot of children either. When we look back on our own school experiences, we can usually recall that we were aware that certain assignments were unnecessary or inappropriate or a complete pain in the tush. But besides all that, kids don't want to see a beloved parent suddenly morph into a character playing the role of a teacher in the sanctity of the home - and it just isn't necessary.

A few other "failures" I've seen were when parents took a child out of school and then didn't respond to the child's complaints of wanting more play/social time with other kids. Poof! Back to school they went.

He can start to gain back his natural love of learning if he has some time to decompress/deschool once he comes home. He's obviously been through a lot. Decompression/deschooling time is essential, but [b]do not worry[/i] that it's time wasted - it's time well invested, and absolutely necessary. Here are some articles that tell more:
Transitions To and From Homeschooling
Older Kids - Decompression
What is Deschooling?
And here are a whole page of links to articles about homeschooling with teens! Teenagers at Home

The very most productive thing you can do is to relax and trust. Lillian

(PS: By the way, Joy Hakim, a wonderful history writer, has begun a series combining science and history! That might be a great resource for your son once he's had some time to just decompress.: Finding the Stories in Science and History)

[phathui5]

Just wanted to point out that successful homeschooling does not necessarily require either obedience or doing grammar. It all depends on how you approach the enterprise.

Miranda

(who does not have, or particularly want, obedient kids)

I wanted to say the same thing but left it alone. But then the person you were responding to is reading a book by the Pearls'. Unless it's just for research about much creepiness. Monda, please correct me if I'm wrong.

[babytoes]

I want to thank all you mammas for encouraging me to do this. My dh is still skeptical, he is worried about the state laws, and how they will affect our ds and hs in general. We live in vermont, and from what I found out the laws seem pretty easy going, and liberated. maybe someone has some more views on this. He says that if I dont teach him the important things, that he will be tested on, and he fails the testing, that he may be made to go back to public school. I dont know about that! but he is a bit worried about it all any way.

I have a great woman I know of that is a pretty good friend of my parents, and she hs her 3 kids, they are all doing very well and in college level studies. They are still unable to go to a conventional college b/c they travel the world playing music. My ds is very into theater at his school, and I have found that our local theater has areas that he can get into, even acting in some plays! I also found a great online course called The Lukeion Project. Its all about ancient greece and rome, very cool and its HISTORY!! I am going to talk with the woman that hs, and find out what kinds of things she did, and used. Her dh is my dentist, and he said that she may even have some things that I could use, very cool!

I am getting more confident in doing this, even though my dh is still not, thats ok, I will show him that things will be fine!!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by babytoes

My dh is still skeptical, he is worried about the state laws, and how they will affect our ds and hs in general. We live in vermont, and from what I found out the laws seem pretty easy going, and liberated. maybe someone has some more views on this. He says that if I dont teach him the important things, that he will be tested on, and he fails the testing, that he may be made to go back to public school. I dont know about that! but he is a bit worried about it all any way.

Sounds like you'd do well to contact a few highly experienced support groups and find out exactly what's involved in the laws. These are some good lists, but I'd check them all, because I don't think any one of them has all the groups:

http://www.nhen.org/support/groups/browse.asp

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/...ks/support.htm

http://www.homeedmag.com/wlcm_groups.html

You can also find groups by going to
http://groups.yahoo.com/ and searching in the homeschooling groups. You might not find one for your specific area, but you can join a statewide or regional one and ask there.

Sounds like your husband is worrying in general. Understandable. It's a pretty big deal to think about pulling your child out of school after all those years of assuming it was just where they belong. It can definitely feel scary. I can't remember whether anyone has recommended David Guterson's book, Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense, but that's a very good one for explaining the advantages. You might also take a look through these articles in the National Home Education Network: Thinking about homeschooling

He seems to think your son might end up not learning "the important things," but it's really not that hard to cover the basics that would be covered on a test - if he's even required to take a test. And if he ended up back in public school - well, he's there now, so it doesn't seem as if that would be any different, but it seems pretty unlikely to happen. Lillian