What to do when you want to homeschool and your child does not? - Page 2

[greencurry]

I do think it's your job as a parent to decide what you think is best for your child. There are a lot of things that kids want and miss when we deny them (candy, tv, gun toys like their cousins, etc). But if you truly believe she's not being served best by the school environment, I think you should pull her out.

I think Lillian had a good idea of helping her experience the hs environment so she knows what's coming; and do your best to address her other concerns. If you can find a hs group in your area it sounds like that would give her a smoother transition, keeping some of the elements she's formed an emotional connection to.

Change is always scary. Whenever we try something different, we give up what we know. Once your daughter experiences learning in freedom, especially with you as her experienced, confident, and conscious guide, I'm sure "she'll thank for this you later."

[dharmamama]

I truly feel homeschooling is the best choice for education, so the kids will be homeschooled. It's my job as a parent to make the decisions I believe are best for my kids. (Other parents have different ideas about that, and that's fine.) That's my first reaction to your post.

My second reaction is, I have never seen a schooling parent whose kid wants to homeschool agonize over the decision the way I see homeschooling parents whose kid wants to school do. To me that says that, as a community, we still haven't gotten over the idea that school is the norm and that homeschooling is some "other" that, in the final analysis, somehow falls short of school. Even parents who honestly believe that homeschooling is best seem to have major doubts if their kids start to express a desire to go to school. Personally, I don't see homeschooling as "depriving" my kids in any way. IMO, there is NOTHING kids can get from school that they can't get in a better way from homeschooling, and there is a whole lot that they would get from school that I DON'T want them to get.

Namaste!

[ErikaDP]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

...I have never seen a schooling parent whose kid wants to homeschool agonize over the decision the way I see homeschooling parents whose kid wants to school do. To me that says that, as a community, we still haven't gotten over the idea that school is the norm and that homeschooling is some "other" that, in the final analysis, somehow falls short of school. Even parents who honestly believe that homeschooling is best seem to have major doubts if their kids start to express a desire to go to school. Personally, I don't see homeschooling as "depriving" my kids in any way. IMO, there is NOTHING kids can get from school that they can't get in a better way from homeschooling, and there is a whole lot that they would get from school that I DON'T want them to get.

Namaste!

This was so well said that I had to quote it and thank Dharmamama for stating it.

Take Care,
Erika :

[Lillian J]

I think homeschooling can provide wonderful open-ended possibilities. When you see the amount of work that's been put into my noncommercial website over the years, it's evident that I have a whole lot of passion about it. But - I still don't think it's necessarily the best of all worlds for every child. I think the greatest determining factor of whether it's best for a child is whether it's something they want to do. The ones I've seen who didn't want to do it, but weren't given the choice, did not enjoy it. They knew what they wanted, they knew why, and they resented not being able to make their own choice. I would too.

I've seen kids do absolutely fine in school - and it could be hard to tell them from homeschoolers if you had them all in a room together and tried to sort them out. I guess the easiest way would be to ask them how they had enjoyed their studies - that could do it - but you couldn't necessarily sort them out by character traits at all. I guess the way I think about homeschooling is that letting a child go to school might actually be a form of homeschooling - or unschooling - the parent providing full support of all kinds, especially trust. Of course it has to be a close family with lots of good communication, understanding, and two-way respect in order for that to work best. But when all that exists, I see no reason to fear school. And, for that matter, I think we all know of homeschool situations where the children are not given as much respect and freedom as they would have in school. I'm not thinking about that with you in mind, Storeimy - it's clear that you want something a lot more wholistic and nurturing for you daughter - I'm just talking about the topic of homeschooling vs. school.

When my son was in 1st grade, I had a conversation with his teacher that really stuck in my mind. It had to do with a campout - she insisted that these 5 and 6 year old children had to sleep separate from their families, divided into tents by age and gender. Long story, but my son didn't want to. I talked to the teacher, and she haughtily told to that she thinks children are given entirely too much choice about things. It's that kind of attitude on the part of teachers that was one of the main reasons we decided to homeschool. I wanted my child to be able to make his own decisions about things that really mattered to him. I confess that I often got in the way of that - it's not always easy to get beyond conditioning and realize that there's a lot more going on in a child's mind than we often give them credit for. But as a philosophy and goal, I think letting them have a choice in things that really matter to them is a good thing to try to do.

By the way, one of the books a lot of us have enjoyed is David Gutterson's "Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense" - and it's my understanding that his kids ended up going back to school at some point, just to take advantage of whatever it was they wanted there at that point. Lillian

[PancakeGoddess]

When my son left K, he was very unhappy about not going back to school. We got quickly involved in the local hs group, and halfway through the next year he was very happy - would never have gone back.

I think it's almost impossible for an 8yo to imagine a hsing lifestyle. When you say homeschooling, I'm guessing all she really hears is loss - of friends, activity, teachers, all those things you mention. Until she gets to see what takes the place of those things, it might be very hard to convince her.

I think I'd take the summer and get to know hsers, get involved in park days with your local group, whatever. When school starts, keep her home for some agreed-upon amount of time before deciding whether it's "working." With my kid, it was 6 months, but he was 6. I think the older the kid and the longer they were in school, the more time it can take.

At that age, I think it is your decision to do what is in her best interest. PS sounds very unhealthy for her, and I think my job is to provide my kids the most healthy environment. It's not that my kids don't have junk food or tv here and there, but PS is 30+ hours a week - that's a lot of unhealthy.