Am I a bad mother if.....

[Taedareth]

.....my baby is driving me slightly crazy?? I agree with Dr. Sears that babyhood is the only time in a child's life when his needs are the same as his wishes. So if my baby is crying, he has a legitimate reason for it, whether it's because he's hungry, wet, upset and needs cuddling, or whatever.

But I wasn't expecting to have a baby who cries even when all those needs are taken care of, as far as I can tell! It's usually only during his "pumpkin hour" at night (even if he's already had a nap, so it's not a tiredness thing). But anyway...the only thing that makes him happy when he's inconsolable like that is walking around and carrying him, or putting him in the baby swing. I get tired of pacing the floor, so the swing is getting a fair amount of use. I just hate leaving him there for a couple hours at a time, but if I take him out, he starts crying! How come holding him doesn't automatically make him happy?? And am I a bad mother if I'm getting annoyed with him, even though I know he has some legitimate (if mysterious) need and isn't doing it to make me crazy??

[darkpear]

You're not a bad mom. You can love your kid without loving every single age he goes through. The newborn stage, precious as they are , isn't my favorite either - it's more fun when they can actually do stuff. It's easy (and normal) to get frustrated when you spend your days and nights caring for a tiny person who can't tell you what he wants and may not even have it totally figured out himself.

But even though they're not doing much beyond eating, sleeping and pooping yet, our newborns do have their own personalities and preferences and moods. It sounds like yours gets a bit fussy in the evenings (again, normal) and enjoys his swing. Moira really likes the infant rocker we picked up a few days ago. Amalie, on the other hand, was a total velcro baby. If he's happy, I'd go with it, take advantage of the chance to recharge and/or get something done

[spiralmg]

Well we don't have a baby swing but chances are it would be getting a lot of use if we did. The bouncy ball has been our mainstay, but now that DH fell off it he probably won't be using that anymore. I turn on music and dance with the baby but sometimes you just can't do that all the time, you know? I think that maintaining your sanity is part of being a good mother. If being in the swing genuinely seems to make your baby happy, well, why not let him be happy and you too? I would probably feel the same as you do now though...wondering.

[amis2girls]

Originally Posted by Taedareth

...the only thing that makes him happy when he's inconsolable like that is walking around and carrying him, or putting him in the baby swing. I get tired of pacing the floor, so the swing is getting a fair amount of use. I just hate leaving him there for a couple hours at a time, but if I take him out, he starts crying!

I sit at the computer with her in the colic hold waiting for her to fall asleep.

[IncaMama]

if you're a bad mom, so am i. i wish she liked her swing, she'd be living in it if it made her friggin happy since nothing else does!!

[Geofizz]

Originally Posted by Taedareth

But I wasn't expecting to have a baby who cries even when all those needs are taken care of, as far as I can tell! It's usually only during his "pumpkin hour" at night (even if he's already had a nap, so it's not a tiredness thing).

Have you read Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution? You might read through the first chapters about baby sleep. Nighttime sleep is different than nap sleep. Your baby is getting tired and getting close to the time he needs some good, deep sleep. Even if he's had a nap, that might not be enough to get him through. I'm not really saying it's time for him to go to bed (that's up to your judgement), but even if he's just had a nap, it very well may be that he's fussy because he's tired.

Originally Posted by Taedareth

But anyway...the only thing that makes him happy when he's inconsolable like that is walking around and carrying him, or putting him in the baby swing. I get tired of pacing the floor, so the swing is getting a fair amount of use. I just hate leaving him there for a couple hours at a time, but if I take him out, he starts crying!

I hate the term "attachment parenting" because it comes with all these expectations of "no baby devices." I define my parenting style (which generally falls into the AP mold) as "responding to my baby's/child's needs." If my child is telling me he needs to swing, then he swings.

[mariposita]

even though this baby rarely cries, my first was the most difficult baby i have ever heard or read about. he screamed all day and most of the night and woke up every 30 minutes all night long until he was 2yo. nothing consoled him. it was bad. really bad. i felt like i was going insane. so you are not a bad mama at all! far from it - you've found what it is that his need is - walking or swinging and you're responding to it. just realize you're a good mama and relax whenever he's in that swing so you can rejuvenate yourself. often times taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your baby.

[mkoontz]

Originally Posted by michelemiller

if you're a bad mom, so am i. i wish she liked her swing, she'd be living in it if it made her friggin happy since nothing else does!!

Absoultely. I wish Aveena liked the swing in the evenings, but she only likes to be walked around and then only being held outwards, not cuddled. Some nights she fine, but others....

Oh, and she likes getting into the hot tub with us and I think that constitutes being a bad mother more than just getting into the swing.

I'm interested in reading Pantley's book though - I'll check it out. I'm currently waiting for "Happiest baby on the block" to get here and I'm looking forward to reading it.

[beachcomber]

I'm typing standing up while bouncing her in a sling because she's having a VERY grumpy day and this is the only way she'll stop crying and rest a bit. I can relate to the sometimes feeling like baby is driving you crazy. Most of the time, Carys is an angel. But like all babies, she has her moments. It's hard on all of us when they're this little and we have to put ourselves completely aside for them, no matter how tired or achy or hungry we may be.

[aisraeltax]

last night i just wanted to put him in the bassinett and forget him. i have been so sick but was feeling better on sat. and sun. i started with teh chills and fever cycle again last night and he screamed...i mean, he SCREAMED from 11:30pm until at least 4am. He would only eat a small amount...every time i tried to feed him he screamed bloody murder like i was putting a jagged edged knife into his mouth instead of my boob.
i was so sick, and so tired..i just did not want to deal with him anymore..i was far far gone...
so, if any of these thoughts make us bad moms then i am a bad mom.
what i did was try to feed him, talked to him, bounced him, patted his back, etc. for that entire duration. today was a total waste and i was only able to get on the computer a few minutes ago b/c i have felt so horrible. now he is angelically sleeping on the prego pillow i use to nurse in bed.
i know im doing an impt. job here...but man, i can't wait until he is on a schedule of some sort and i can actually particpate in life again.
take it easy on yourself...and try to take care of yourself.
rach

[StarCat]

sometimes you have to put them down for your own sanity...even if baby is crying! I've been there. But i really think- at least with Sada- that sometimes she wants "alone" time. Meaning she doesn't want to be held or to lay down. Times like that she really likes her bouncy seat with the lights and music and things she can try to bat at. She has been smiling and cooing when we put her in there.

ITA with Wendy....a lot of people think of attachment parenting and think that you cant put your kid down but I think of it the same way as she does...responding best to your childs needs.

[allnaturalmama]

Originally Posted by Geofizz

I hate the term "attachment parenting" because it comes with all these expectations of "no baby devices." I define my parenting style (which generally falls into the AP mold) as "responding to my baby's/child's needs." If my child is telling me he needs to swing, then he swings.

Well said, Wendy. I agree with you completely!