How do I convince DH homeschooling is good for our DS?

[mommyblueyes]

Hi!

I guess I'd be considered a newbie (?) I don't know the lingo very well, but here goes!

My son will be two at the end of March and I desperately want to homeschool him. The problem is I don't know anyone who homeschools and my husband is against it. My family would be too if they knew I was considering it. My husband doesn't like to read so he won't look at any of the books, articles, etc I have. I keep talking and trying to get him to understand the bnefits of homeschooling, but he resorts to the socialization issue, and that he just doesn't feel I could handle it especaially when we have more children.

I don't want to just give up and send my son to school, but how can I convince him and homeschool without any support?

I'm just looking for suggestions or advice from all of you knowledgeable mamas.

Thanks

[joandsarah77]

that must be very disheartening.
Maybe you need to see if you can find some home schoolers nearby.
You could try Googling '*insert your state* homeschooling groups' and seeing what comes up. Even if the closest that you can see is a few towns away they may know about hs in your area, or better yet a group in your locality.
They would be able to give you a run down on what is available, and gives you a network of people and children to show your dh that your not on a desert island somewhere.

Does your dh know how much you want to do this? Perhapes ask him to write down all of his objections. What specificly is he worried about with socialization? Tell him you are concerned with socialization as well such as being able to socialize with a broad age range rather then just close age mates. Explain and have handy any cards/ pamplets to social activities in your area that your ds would be able to attend and list all the possibilities.
In many area hs kids can participate in sports if he's concerned with him missing out on team sports.

Hopfuly someone else will have more ideas.

[chaos_pie]

Our situation was a bit different, but my dh was not overly sold on hs, even as we were doing it (we took ds out of public school). What was super helpful was joining a hs group and then reporting each evening to dh ("You won't believe it, all the hs hangout on Tue at the park, they all do class on Thur", "oh, hey, they have a chess club", "oh! they have a physics and math club too!" etc...) It also helped that we knew a hs family (same ages as my kids and I had made a plan to hang out with them one day a week). Dh loved that I would report to him what we did each day, and then he could be more plugged into ds education (talking about numbers, etc... in the evenings). I would also quote him info from books I read and send him interesting websites. Maybe those are some ideas?

[sedalbj]

We are in the exact same boat. My DD is almost 2 (May) and I am working on DH as well. I brought it up once, and his objection is 'i want her to be able to compete with her classmates for grades.' He is a very Type A person and he won't admit that he doesn't really compete with others, he is always competing against himself. I figure I have a few years to work on him (he doesn't care about preschool). I think what I am going to do is write him a 1 pager every month or so addressing something about HSing that I like, and also address concerns a little at a time (he reads technical stuff for work all the time and won't sit down to read much either). I found in our first conversation, there were so many points to make that it was really a waste of time, but if I address one at a time, and maybe discuss it afterwards it may help. I also didn't say much about HSing in higher grades, I know he won't understand the self motivated child and the joy of learning.

He also is from a different country, so his idea of school isn't the same as here, so I have to figure out what his idea of school is, because I KNOW he doesn't understand what it means here, we don't have any friends w/ kids in elementary/middle schools.

Anyway, good luck. If you figure out the magic answer, LMK!!! Please!

[muttix2]

I did the article thing with my dh but it also helped to talk about the decline of the public school system. I'd see a story on the news or wherever and bring it up in conversation. Teen pregnancy rate, sex in preteens, violence, etc. if I saw it, I'd bring it up. I NEVER took a good stance on it, meaning I was always on the negative never with the "it could get better" or "we'll have to find a good ps" b/c imo there were no good ps, not that could provide the education to my children that I can. The articles and books definitely helped though. He wouldn't sit down and read a book on hsing but leaving a book open in the bathroom, well, let's just say that that worked. It may seem like you're being tricky but when someone's mind is closed to a subject sometimes the best way to get the points across that you're trying to make is to take the long way around. If he's on the defensive thinking you're trying to trap him into hsing or something, he's not going to listen to what you have to say. But if you're just having a conversation about the state of today's schools, he may open his mind a little more.

Just keep at it. Your dd is only 2 so you have a bit of time. I've found that if I come out and say something "radical" to my dh, he discounts it immediately. But if I help him realize the benefits to the route I want to take (be it natural birth, cding, hsing, or whatever), he is more likely to open his mind to the possibilities it holds. Also, if you're planning to do a structured type of hsing, talk about the type you'd like to do. I think that it was much easier convincing my dh b/c I'm planning to do classical hsing. Had I told him that I want to unschool I wouldn't have stood a chance at first. My oldest is only 2 but I've been talking about hsing for so long now that if I decide to change to unschooling I'm pretty sure he'd be on my side b/c of the sheer volume of great stats I've quoted about hsing.

[sedalbj]

Leaving a book/article in the bathroom is PURE GENIUS!!!! Why are some husbands such a PITA? I remember it took months to convince him a hospital birth wasn't necessary and a midwife could actually do it (even though he was delivered by a MW), that cloth diapers would actually work (he was cd'd), that DD may actually survive past 12 mths w/o vaccines (he only has a few compared to me). I expect since formal schooling is such a 'given' in society today it will take longer than all those combined to convince him, but I have time, and patience, although when it is something you are so passionate about, you just feel like you need the answer NOW! And he knows I am serious because I don't hide the books I read and the bookmarks for the websites that I visit. Although I will admit to looking into local Montessori schools, just in case I can't convince him in the end. My very expensive backup plan! Maybe the bill will convince him more than anything else, who knows...

[Lillian J]

Fortunately, you still have years to work this out - so you can relax and take it very slowly. You could even eventually visit some homeschooling support group activities and meet people in your area. And maybe there will be something you can eventually take your husband to - seeing the kids and meeting some other homeschooling dads could be a big help.

Here are some other threads in which this kind of question has come up. You could occasionally read aloud to him some choice passage from some of the articles and books people have mentioned - one especially great one for this kind of situation is Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense, by David Guterson. He was teaching in a public high school when he and his wife were homeschooling their own kids, so he found himself often having to defend his decision, and he really articulates it well. Lillian

Books/articles for DH - looking for 'both sides'
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=397505

Public school helps with bullies?
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=400943

DH doesn't want to homeschool
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=369573

I'm considering homeschooling, getting weird pressure
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=382598

[jeanine123]

Originally Posted by sedalbj

Leaving a book/article in the bathroom is PURE GENIUS!!!! Why are some husbands such a PITA? I remember it took months to convince him a hospital birth wasn't necessary and a midwife could actually do it (even though he was delivered by a MW), that cloth diapers would actually work (he was cd'd), that DD may actually survive past 12 mths w/o vaccines (he only has a few compared to me). I expect since formal schooling is such a 'given' in society today it will take longer than all those combined to convince him, but I have time, and patience, although when it is something you are so passionate about, you just feel like you need the answer NOW! And he knows I am serious because I don't hide the books I read and the bookmarks for the websites that I visit. Although I will admit to looking into local Montessori schools, just in case I can't convince him in the end. My very expensive backup plan! Maybe the bill will convince him more than anything else, who knows...

Hey!! Montessori is my backup too!!! I'm hoping that once he takes a good look at the $$$ of it he'll be more receptive to homeschooling and more confident in our ability to do it.

[muttix2]

Originally Posted by sedalbj

Leaving a book/article in the bathroom is PURE GENIUS!!!! Why are some husbands such a PITA? I remember it took months to convince him a hospital birth wasn't necessary and a midwife could actually do it (even though he was delivered by a MW), that cloth diapers would actually work (he was cd'd), that DD may actually survive past 12 mths w/o vaccines (he only has a few compared to me). I expect since formal schooling is such a 'given' in society today it will take longer than all those combined to convince him, but I have time, and patience, although when it is something you are so passionate about, you just feel like you need the answer NOW! And he knows I am serious because I don't hide the books I read and the bookmarks for the websites that I visit. Although I will admit to looking into local Montessori schools, just in case I can't convince him in the end. My very expensive backup plan! Maybe the bill will convince him more than anything else, who knows...

I looked into Montessori on my way to deciding on hsing. If I were to send my kids to a school it would've been that one. The bill though, that will likely help a LOT in the deciding factor for your dh, maybe leave one of those in the bathroom

[sedalbj]

This was just posted:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=411580

It's an article from Businessweek. It will definitely be something I will give my DH to try to convince him. Just wanted to put the link in this post for future reference.

[teachinmaof3]

Some guys just have to SEE the benefits.

My dh was on the fence but agreed to try. Once he saw our dd learning and thriving..he's ALLLLL for it!

[oneotamama]

Did your dh like school?

Would your dh ever visit a kindergarten public school class and see if it suited his ds?

I'm asking these things b/c I am seriously considering homeschooling our 4 year old. My dh hated school. He didn't fit the norm of what teachers wanted. He quit as soon as he was able. I loved school on the other hand.

However, I also substitute teach. I see things everytime that I'm there that make me believe my ds MAY feel just like my dh did.

So, I've done some soul searching and have decided this is something I would like to try. I am completely open to the idea of trying something else though if it's not working out. Would your dh let you try it? With the agreement that if there were agreed upon red flags, you'd change something?

For now I would say relax. Your dh likely may change his mind. Men are just as wishy washy as women in my opinion. My dh's viewpoints have changed about so many issues that I thought never would (vax'ing being the biggie). Little tidbits here and there may help.

Good luck!

[Daynalif]

Hi, I just want you all to know, do you know montessori schools were designed with children with learning dissabilities on mind. This isn't a thread to discourage you guys, it is only with the intention for you to make the wisest decision. I like the montessori education but it is definitely focused on the individual child and sometimes it makes difficult for children to learn with other kids. I have found that other method of learning which is really interesting is the reggio-emilia system. There are a lot of educational systems and I think is worth it to check a few and not to compromise everything for one. Well, take care!

[lioralourie]

just ran across this gem! Answers all the common objections to homeschooling, covering specifically many aspects of the "socialization" argument.

http://www.naturalchild.com/common_o...ons/index.html

also here are a lot of great links to info and articles about homeschooling.
http://www.bygpub.com/natural/home-schooling.htm

[briansmama]

Originally Posted by Daynalif

Hi, I just want you all to know, do you know montessori schools were designed with children with learning dissabilities on mind. This isn't a thread to discourage you guys, it is only with the intention for you to make the wisest decision. I like the montessori education but it is definitely focused on the individual child and sometimes it makes difficult for children to learn with other kids. I have found that other method of learning which is really interesting is the reggio-emilia system. There are a lot of educational systems and I think is worth it to check a few and not to compromise everything for one. Well, take care!

I don't believe that this is true. I just read several books on Maria Montessori and they do mention that while practicing medicine, she was working with disabled children, and she made careful observations about their behavior, but when she implemented her philosophy in the classroom, her classroom was not designed for disabled children.

In fact, she noticed that all children have specific periods of development, despite severe disabilities and even neglect. She even describes how during her medical rounds she saw hospitalized children fingering the crumbs leftover from their meal because they were so developmentally desperate for more sensory experience than their hospital confinement allowed them. My understanding is that she believed all children need developmentally appropriate experiences, disabled or not, and that is what her classrooms are designed to give.