Different house - different rules - wwyd about mealtime?

[4Marmalade]

We are spending a week with my brother and family and while most of me is looking forward to it, I have to admit to feeling a little anxious about the visit. I guess you could say they are a bit more "mainstream" although I know that we have a lot of similar parenting ideas. I am just starting to discuss with my ds the whole concept of following different rules while staying at someone else's house. But he's 3 . I think he will be OK with stuff like, we can't jump on the furniture, toy use, etc...

The one big issue I can see coming up is mealtime. At home we all sit down to eat together but usually ds finishes quickly and we allow him to get down, wash up and play nearby while dh and I finish dinner. But, I know that my niece and nephew are expected to stay at the table until almost everyone is done eating. How am I going to approach this? If I let ds go play it will most likely encourage my niece and nephew to get down as well. But I know my ds will put up a huge fuss about being asked to stay at the table. We've tried at friend's houses before with no success. I've asked him to sit up, encourage him to talk and keep us company, at least wait until the other kids are done eating and tried to get him to sit on our laps but nothing worked. It will seriously end up in a huge tantrum . Like I said, at home it's no big deal but when we're at someone else's house I have a harder time and get so stressed out!

Any advice?

[4evermom]

A friend of my mother's has this problem with her son in law. He wants his kids to stay at the table until everyone is through eating at HER house. She got around this by having a kids table so when all the kids are finished eating, they can leave the table.

I would be tempted just to go on as usual and not worry about it, since it isn't really a situation you can control. If they are gracious hosts, they will go with the flow. Maybe you can tell your ds the expectations that his aunt and uncle have for his cousins and tell him it would be nice to keep them company. Are the cousins older or similar age to your ds? It will be more of a problem if they are same age. If they are a little older, it probably won't bug them as much if your ds isn't following the same rules.

[RubyWild]

This hasn't been an issue for us yet, but when I was growing up, we always went with the rules of the house. For example, we didn't pray at our house, but when we were at the home of someone who did, we refrained from eating until the prayer was over. If people were expected to eat everything on their plates, then we were, too.

I'm not sure what I think about all of that, but I suppose it's my default position.

[LovemyBoo]

While I agree with going with the house rules - it's what we usually do - when you have a really young child sometimes exceptions have to be made. Can you talk to your brother about it ahead of time? Maybe some kind of compromise can be worked out. What do you do at restaurants? Do you all leave when ds is done? Would he agree to color or something at the table?

I would talk to your brother. Maybe this won't be as big a deal as you're dreading. I hope it works out for you and your ds.

[4Marmalade]

LovemyBoo - That's exactly what my dh said last night. "It's not going to be as bad as you think". I will probably just talk to my SIL beforehand so at least it's not a surprise. I think I'm anxious about it because even though I feel most of the GD we do in this house is worth it I have to admit that at mealtimes I sometimes struggle thinking that ds should be at the table with us (although it's much more peaceful when he's not ). So, I think when I'm around other kids who sit at the table I go through that feeling like I'm doing something wrong which isn't fair to myself or ds.

RubyWild - thanks for replying. Ds is just starting to get to an age where he can understand different house, different rules but I know it will still be hard for him. Talking about it beforehand is helping (I think ).

4evermom - Even at the kid table my ds will get up. Some meals are better than others. Last night he was actually the last one eating!!! Of course, with ds and dd (8-1/2 months) dh and I have learned to eat pretty fast . My niece is the same age as my ds and my nephew is a couple of years older so there's not a huge age difference. We'll just talk to ds beforehand and encourage him to come up with an idea on how to stay at the table. Colouring or reading a book is a good idea.

Thanks everyone. I'll just have to keep reminding myself that dh and I are doing OK parenting ds (even if he doesn't sit at the table ).