Three and a half year old regressing after baby's birth

[RachelGS]

My dd is doing pretty well with her new baby brother on the whole, but there are ways that I see her behavior really regressing, and it's so frustrating to me. I know it's normal, and it's still really frustrating. She was pretty close to potty learning and certainly has all the awareness and control for that, but now she will have absolutely nothing to do with it. At the same time, she complains about diapers and HATES being changed, and it's just really a miserable battle for everyone.

Also, she had gone through an incredibly unattractive year-long bout of blood-curdling, window-shattering screaming when she's frustrated. It had finally stopped, which made me dance-in-the-streets happy. Now, out of nowhere after five or six months, it's back. I can't count the number of times she has woken the baby. The screaming makes ME want to scream. I've never found a single tactic that works to get her to stop. She's a very, very emotionally aware child. She's perfectly capable of telling me how she feels and why and she often does, so this isn't a case of her not having another means to express herself.

I don't know what I'm asking for exactly. Commisseration? Ideas?

[aisraeltax]

i dont have a toddler but can tell you my 7 yo regressed after the baby was born. my solution (which i thought of beforehand) was to get him a baby and a sling and he does play with that alot.
i guess i would expect a toddler to back track on the potty training. is there any way you can tell her that she doesnt have to pt if she doesnt want to, but if she makes that decision, then she cant scream when changed.
dont know what to tell you about the screaming b/c ive never dealt w/ it...prob. wouldnt be able to, so my kids didn't.

[babycarrier]

3 yo and a baby over here. I've found that giving ds "supplies" for his baby doll has helped in other areas. He was nursing (his baby) away the other day when I asked him to do something. "when baby is done nursing, mommy" also, putting him "in charge" of some tasks where everyone is safe seems to help a lot. I'll sit baby on the floor and ask ds1 to watch the baby. Now, mind you I am right there doing it myself but ds1 feels responsible and we seem to have less backtracking for him - ie difficult bedtimes, fighting naps. also found carving out special one on one time with ds1 really helpful. s it is a challenge!

[mariposita]

i don't have great advice for you, but we're in the same situation. 3 1/2yo ds is having nighttime accidents all of a sudden, wants us to put on his clothes for him (he's been doing it himself for over a year now), crying instead of using his words, and he won't go to sleep by himself and wants dad to sleep with him.

we're just trying to repond to his needs right now and not making him feel bad about it. we try and set him up for success by not giving him water after dinner, regular bedtimes, helping him put on clothes while he still does most of the work.

i say to just keep reminding yourself that it is normal and it's just a phase where he needs you a lot too.

[Ellie'sMom]

Here's your commisseration! DD was 3.5 when her brothers were born in September. We had lots of accidents and tantrums. Oh and nightwaking too! As for the accidents we just rolled with it. Cleaned her up. Gave her diapers for pooping in when she asked for them and gave the issue as little attention as possible. The screaming was way more frustrating, though it is probably worse for you as we had had screaming for several months leading up to the birth (we also moved halfway across the country during this time so dd had other transitions to contend with) with no signs of improvement to cause any street dancing! I have to say that just now things are improving. Dd is amazingly loving with her brothers and we are down to maybe 1 or 2 tantrums per day, a big improvement. Time and as much loving attention as possible, combined with some limit-setting when things were really out of control seemed to help. My dd is also very verbal and very emotionally aware. I think she was just really overwhelmed with everything. Heck, so was I! I think giving it time is the key, but I would be interested in any other ideas people have to share.