Am I capable?

[BelovedK]

My DS is in 4th grade and dangerously close to failing. He has so much homework and he needs time to decompress without the work, I am *so* against the homework...I know that in the time it takes for him to do his homework, he could be almost done with a homeschooling day.

He has bloomed socially at school and I hate to take him out for that reason, I know that there is a large network of homeschoolers in my area but there is something about his being in school (private) away from me that is condusive to his friendships. He has early onset bipolar (I hate to label him, but he really does, it runs strongly in our family, has been the cause of much strife) I am doubtful about my ability to HS him, partly bc of my limitations (I also have bipolar, not severe and controlled)

If he fails the fourth grade, I see no other good option than to HS him, he is already the oldest one in his class. I think it would be devastating to him socially to go back.

My parents pay for his schooling and I know they wouldn't support my decision...I know it is my choice and I need to stand strong in my convictions...He and I get into alot of conflicts, I try not to but he is not an easy one to raise...I've written a few poems about him in the writers forum, if you're interested, you can see them. They are in the 'poetry abot mothering' thread

I don't mean to ramble but I am so conflicted about this.

I work three days a week and am a single mother..on the days I work, he is either with his dad or my parents

I *suck* at math, so I don't know how I would teach it, how do some of you handle that?

I want him to have a well rounded education and I also think that there would be alot of conflicts if i decide to HS him.

Does anyone have any insights? or questions if I was not clear about things?

Thank you

[darien]

Hi, I'm homeschooling a 4th grade boy! My situation is almost opposite to yours, because Taro would be the youngest in his class, and definitely has not blossomed socially (I keep waiting ).

I don't know that I have any brilliant advice, but I just wanted to say that you don't have to hs all by yourself. You could join a co-op, or hire a tutor for a lot of it. If the grandparents saw that a private tutor could really improve your ds' education, maybe they'd be willing to pay for that instead of school. And you're right-- "school" takes much less time when you do it at home!

As for socialization, does your state allow "part-time" hsing? Your ds might still be able to do some subjects or activities at school. I know from experience that it can be hard to schedule playdates with kids who go to school , but there may be a good amount of hsing kids in your area to be friends with.

I'm sure that the other hs moms will give great advice. HTH!

[chaos_pie]

wow, this is not an easy place to be. I am assuming you have talked to the teacher about all the homework (like why and how come there is so much)? What about ds, what does he think of the whole situation? Have you ever talked with ds about hsing? What does he think?

It seems that if he did have to repeat 4th grade, he would be devastated by staying at the school. So, in that case, there would be a possiblity of you moving him out of the school, so it seems like a new school or hs would have the same issue of "change".

My ds is only 6yo and we are new but here are some observations about kids and social time I have from just joining our hs group. I am seeing in the hs group that the kids do have nice social time, away from parents...we meet but the parents hang out inside and the kids run free in a large nature/ park area. I also am seeing that kids seem to be good friends and get together away from the group. I am also seeing that the moms tend to be pretty laid back with the kids play-- letting the kids have their own space (not hovering or coaching behaviour, as I have sometimes seen when we play on the playground after school). The other interesting thing I observe is that many of the families know each other well, and the kids often don't go to their own mom but another mom for help etc...Also, sometimes kids just come with another mom (maybe they are taking turns...I am new, I am still figuring out how this works )

Your other question, are you capable, I would say yes. It sounds like you have concern about the bipolar, and that would certainly be something (and I know NOTHING about bipolar) that you might want to have some plans around (back-up? alternatives?) when that comes up; but the fact that you recognize it, will allow for you to plan and deal with it. As far as not being good at a subject, there are SO SO SO many resources, and you might suprise yourself how much you will learn along with your ds!

Good luck! I will be hoping that school improves and also for you to have the knowledge and confidence to move forward.

[LookMommy!]

I wouldn't homeschool him

I'm a homeschooler, by the way, but I think that school CAN work for your son, if he likes it there.

However, I think it needs to be emphasized that He is not failing school, the School is failing HIM. This is private school, right? The onus is on them to teach him, in whatever style is right for him. I mean, he's young, it's not like he is failing on purpose. You need to be on their butts every minute to meet his needs (this will likely be a full time job for you ). He should get a psycho-educational evaluation, an IEP, a one-on-one tutor provided by the school, someone to help him do his homework, etc. Maybe he can skip some classes that aren't "essential" to meet his tutor during school hours.

I work as a learning specialist for various American high school programs in Israel, and I give each child as much support as needed. Some kids need a lot of help, but they do not fail school. (I also charge a lot, but the private schools usually pay me directly, so the parents aren't billed).

I think your son needs to be given a chance to succeed where he is. Good luck!

[BelovedK]

Thank you for your replies

My state might allow part time HS, I'll check into it...I think not though. There is a large network of HSers in my area, so I'm not worried about him finding new kids to socialize with, it's just that he's blossoming socially in this school, with these friends. If you could've seen him before, so shy and self consious. Now he's playing soccer and taking part in things that he'd never take pert in if it weren't for the school (I'm not sure why)

As for talking to him about HSing, I have and he thinks it means no work, just doing what he pleases. I compare it to doing his homework, he is so stubborn and we have a difficult dynamic between us. Someone pointed out to me that HSing him could really draw us closer and help him know that I'm invested in meeting his needs...We'd use a Waldorf inspired curriculum so his artwork (which is very important to him) could be included in all of his lessons...The only problem is that he doesn't do what I suggest. I don't like getting into a power struggle with him.

Lookmommy!, I think you have some good points about the school not meeting his needs...I think that is the case for all children. They take away valuable recess time if the child 'misbehaves' or doesn't complete the homework. We've already got him with a tutor for math (we pay for it)
He qualified for title one , but the school only offers it for reading and his reading is great. Why should a 10 yo child have to learn pre-algebra??? I can't even help him with much of his homework. I don't want to send him to the public school bc in my area they are horrible.

I guess we need to do all we can to help him pass (we already are, he is just stubborn and the bipolar causes temper tantrum type 'fits' ---he rips up his completed homework, things like that)

I'm pretty balanced and calm, I usually don't go into that space with him, it just makes me

Does anyone else have issues like these, we might have to HS him (if he fails) and I'm scared shi*less.

[Lillian J]

Kelly, one of the most common fears parents face when considering homeschooling is that those nightmarish scenes battling over homework will just carry over into their homeschooling lives. It's hard to put this into words, but learning at home is an entirely different thing from being in school. Schools were set up to drill the same material into a large number of children at the same time. A lot of time and energy is wasted under those conditions, and "work" is foisted onto the students to complete at home. They KNOW they shouldn't have to be doing all that stuff. It isn't that they suspect it being unnecessary - they KNOW it's unnecessary, and they know it's unfair. So there are the parents, also feeling the whole thing is not right but feeling it's their responsibility to make their kids comply anyway, and you have a clash that's bound to happen. And darn it - I just realized I have to get out the door to an appointment! So I'll post more later...I was just getting warmed up! - Lillian

[BelovedK]

Go Lillian You're getting me all fired up to HS him...I guess I just need a pep talk, I *so* disagree with the way schools teach them...It goes too fast for DS and he gets left behind.

I'd love more feedback from other HSing mamas, esp with a child with special needs.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

They take away valuable recess time if the child 'misbehaves' or doesn't complete the homework.
<snip>
He qualified for title one , but the school only offers it for reading and his reading is great. Why should a 10 yo child have to learn pre-algebra??? I can't even help him with much of his homework. I don't want to send him to the public school bc in my area they are horrible.

What kind of school IS this???! Are you absolutely sure the public school is horrible? Rumors can get pretty blown out of proportion - I'd go down and observe just to make sure... When I was checking out schools for my son (before we decided to homeschool), the best one I found was the local public school. There was one prep school that looked good too, except that they had a longer day than others and really pushed - it would have been way too much pressure.

As for talking to him about HSing, I have and he thinks it means no work, just doing what he pleases. I compare it to doing his homework, he is so stubborn and we have a difficult dynamic between us. Someone pointed out to me that HSing him could really draw us closer and help him know that I'm invested in meeting his needs...We'd use a Waldorf inspired curriculum so his artwork (which is very important to him) could be included in all of his lessons...The only problem is that he doesn't do what I suggest. I don't like getting into a power struggle with him.

Well, my experience is that learning really and truly doesn't require "work" - I could go on and on about that , and I suppose that if I hadn't had such a big day, I'd be doing just that .

I can't say as I blame him for being stubborn about his homework - it must be miserable to have to face even more of that stuff after a tough day at school. But moving on to the question of homeschooling, you need to know that just about any homeschooler will strongly recommend a decompression/deschooling period - some say as much as a month for every year of school he's attended. Here are a few articles on that:
Transitions To and From Homeschooling
Older Kids - Decompression
What is Deschooling?

So it really could look a lot like "doing nothing" for a while - although there's a critical healing process that takes place during that time, so there really is something happening.

I really hope, though, that you'll be able to help him get more smoothly through the rest of this year, if he wants to stay in that school - and get him on to something else. And if he wants to try homeschooling, we need all need to have a huddle about ways to approach that without you two ending up head to head. It can be done. Lillian