Here are my tips for getting off coffee...drink lots of water. Coffee dehydrates me, and when I'm dehydrated, I get almost the same boost from drinking water as I do from drinking coffee. Water also helps the withdrawal headache go away. It takes three or four days for your body to adjust, but once it does, you actually have more energy in the mornings.
I absolutely love coffee - love the smell, love the taste. Mixing caf with decaf is another way to wean oneself, but sometimes that's hard if they don't have your favorite blend in decaf. If I do drink coffee, I always drink extra water in order to keep hydrated. I have weaned myself from coffee more than once so I know how hard it is. One thing I will say about not drinking it very often is that when you do, you get way more of a buzz from it than you did when you had it every day. I weaned myself from coffee when I found out I was pg with ds, and I've managed to keep off of it since then (except for the occasional indulgence) and drink chai tea instead.
Those ideas may or may not help. I totally understand how you feel. But again, I will say that after having weaned myself from coffee, I find that I have more energy than I did before, even though I drank it to get energy. Coffee gives you a boost, but then you crash.
My final word of advice: try going coffee free for 30 days. Don't commit to it beyond 30 days. At the end of 30 days, you can either start drinking it again, drink it only occasionally, or not drink it anymore at all. But after 30 days, you can make an informed decision because you will know how you feel with it and how you feel without it and you can then weigh that against possible risks it might have for your baby.
Good luck!