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2 kids and mommy guilt

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
I have an automatic swing. My 2 week old spends too much time in it and not enough time in my arms. I am sling dysfunctional. I cannot make them work. My toddler gets rocked to sleep every night by daddy screaming "I want mommy!" because I am too exhausted to put her to bed. My toddler also no longer sleeps in bed with me because no one sleeps that way. She wants to watch the baby nurse and then wants me to rock her. So she and my dh sleep in another room. I miss them both and I know she misses me. I don't have the energy or time to play with my toddler as much. My 2 week old gets put down much more than my first baby did. I still haven't figured out how to get my toddler down for a nap when I am here alone. I am tired and have so much guilt about all those things. When does it get better?
post #2 of 7
I'm right there with you...Still trying to adjust to the 2 kid thing...Right now, dh sleeps in the twin bed that is pushed up against our queen bed..and then my 3 yr old ds sleeps on my left side, and my 1 month dd sleeps on my right side..Usually, ds no longer naps, so me, dd, and ds go to sleep about now all together, and he waits until i'm done nursing dd, and then he nurses..some days are better than other..but most nights he is nearly crying waiting to nurse him and asking if i'm done nursing Sage...i'm just exhausted playing with him all day long..and crave some adult interaction..it's getting a little better, but it's still hard adjusting...i think i just need some friends that are in the same situation, so i could hang out with them...i've signed up ds for a saturday tiny tumbling class, and will be signing up for a storytelling evening at the library, so i'm hoping to meet other mamas...i also may have found a friday playgroup. i think it's hard for me because i am normally a wohm (but i think i'll be going back to only 4 days, hurray), but i decided that i wanted ds home with me during maternity leave even though it;s tough...i know i made the right decision, but i am still getting used to it, and wish i knew other mamas i could hang with...
post #3 of 7
Ladies,
I know the transition from1 to 2 is hard but hang in there! I can'tsay this loud enough LLL! Go now! The women I met there were invaluable. They became my best friends and I laughingly tell them they helped keep ds1, can you say high-need, alive & me sane. I live in a different city now, but they are still the ones I call on. Try a playgroup with other mamas from LLL.

I can only tell you what has worked for us as far as sleep. For naps we all climed (no naps here anymore ) into my bed w/ books. nursed babe while reading, babe asleep, nurse/snuggle toddler to sleep, mommy passes out. Everyone slept better if I stayed & napped too. You probably could use the extra sleep right now anyway. I would kill for those days of napping all together! We do the same thing for bed. Various kids fall asleep in our bed at night we just sort it out when we go to bed. For me I have to do what is easy! Yes, ds3 was curious about the babe adn wanted to see and "pet her", but that eventually calms down. He still loves her and wants to per her, but it's a little less intense! tired of NAK. Hope some of this helps.
kathy
post #4 of 7
sunnylady- you have to get someone to show you how to use aling! You won't believe how easy it is or how much it will help you. again, LLL can help you with that. I got a pouch from Kangaroo korner for this babe and LOVE it!! It seems easier to use than the sling and more secure. I highly rec it. I wish I lived closer so I could show you myself!
post #5 of 7
Links towards the bottom of the page http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sling.html
show/tell how to use a sling.

If the brand you have isn't working for you, maybe try a different kind? I have a couple, but love the Sling Ezee one (I got on http://www.motherwear.com/prod.cfm/cid/61/sid/8201)
post #6 of 7
Big time Mama guilt here, too, for all the same reasons. sigh.

www.thebabywearer.com It's a little overwhelming but it's ALL there.
post #7 of 7
Yes!!!!! You need someone to show you how to use a sling. Without one Ian would have to sit and cry all day long! I know what you mean, he doesn't get nearly as much attention as Gracie did either, but he also just seems to require less. I have a slighted view because Gracie was so high-needs I am having a hard time believing he isn't!! The sling is a life-saver though, I can get things done, attend to Gracie, and still have contact with him. Huge plus, he just passes out in it, almost immediately, and I think would stay asleep in it 24 hours a day if I could keep it on without my back and shoulder killing me!

And definiately try to get out of the house too. I totally agree with the LLL recomendation, I LLL and my mama friends. Also see if you have an API (attachment parenting international) chapter near you . They meet monthly like LLL and are so awesome! If not for my like-minded mama friends and their kids we would all be nuts in this house!!
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