First of all, crunchy, I think you're allowed
to be having a pity party for yourself right now. Like Tara says above, this is a huge transition for you
, and it's going to come with all kinds of perfectly valid big feelings. Some of those can change over time, and some can feel pretty permanent. After all, in the posts above, you can see that even when the transition is far behind, there are still losses and moments of longing, like I sometimes have for being visibly queer, or for being in a relationship with a woman.
Plus, as much as I get sad about people not thinking I'm queer anymore, I know that with Max's transition I ended up in a place of real comfort-- most of the world thinks we're straight, and then I get to come out and feel political and radical, but that's my choice in each instance.
Since your DP is transitioning MTF, though, you're in a spot where your newy visibly queer family will have to be "out" a lot of the time.
My point here isn't to scare you, but to honor what a big risk this is for you, and to let you know that I appreciate how scary this is, and that I think you're pretty amazing for sticking with it and facing that challenge.
Oh, and another thing (forgive me if I go on and on...) is that you don't have to be angry at yourself for liking "male" parts of your partner. Just because she's been hating them for so long, doesn't mean that your attraction to those elements of her was oppressive or wrong. You get to love her however you know how, and now you get to see her more fully as she can express herself freely. As she works through her transition pysically and emotionally, both of you will get to find out how attraction works for you guys. And who knows, maybe some of the elements you like best will still be there, loud and clear!
Thinking of you and sending big
Simone (longest poster ever)