I'm right...right? Vent...

[Turtlemum]

Even as I consider posting this, I feel like I know what everyone will say...but I need to post it anyways...

Okay, so my mom (of all people I never thought she'd be like this) and others keep making passive aggressive remarks about things I do/don't do with Scarlett. First, when my mom was staying here helping in the early weeks she kept offering to "get the baby to take a soother". She'd make comments like "she doesn't need to feed again does she?"...and then say how she must have a strong sucking reflex and that a soother wouldn't hurt her.
When the in-laws came to stay they offered the same thing. I know they are just trying to help but at the time I still had sore nipples and no desire to chance nipple confusion. Also, I really don't want to use a soother if I can help it. Its not a judgement on anyone who does and if I felt like I needed to use one I have no problem changing my mind but good lord! Its like I am fending off people left right and centre.
Now my mom just makes comments like "she's the most held child in the world" and asks me if she has had any "floor time" lately and why don't I get one of those mats with toys hanging from it so that she will learn to crawl and roll over. Oh and my favourite: "is she still sleeping with you?" Arggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

I'm going in sane! Most of the time I feel really good about how I interact with the baby. We just hang out together and I figured that whatever I did would be stimulating to her because its all new ie. in the sling watching me do dishes - how exciting! She does go in the swing to give my back a break and sometimes (especially when she first wakes up) we chat and coo at one another for a while...you get the picture.

I now feel like there are things I should be doing with her or toys I should be putting in front of her face to stimulate her and help her develop. I just feel that she is too young for these things and it seems forced or akward to do these things with her. With toys I lean a bit more towards the Mulberry school of thought anyways (her favourite "toy" is a piece of silk that I softly let fall over her face - she loves it!) and shaking brightly coloured or contrasty things at her seems ...well, forced like I said. She sees contrasts all over the place anyways, like the black frames against the white wall...

So, are there things I'm not considering here? Should I by a few parenting books? Are there must have toys? Help.

The only thing I do know is that mother guilt is alive and well!!!!

Sigh, that was really long and convoluted...sorry!

Kelli

[peilover010202]

Jumping in from August DDC, but I had to post.

I think what you're doing sounds perfect! My MIL always tried to talk us into letting ds have a pacifier. But, he always nursed on demand, and there wasn't much of a need. We did offer our finger or his thumb sometimes if he cried in the car (that was before I heard of the invention of nursing the babe while still strapped in the carseat!) But, no soother worked for us and for ds - and even better, no worries about when to take it away!

At your dd age, I think interaction with people is WAY more important than toys. She's really young and probably cannot hold a toy yet anyway. Also, toys could cause overstimulation which could lead to the crankies.

My fav game to play with ds and your dd age was peekaboo, or making funny noises/faces. Ds loved just watching me and how my face changed, loved touching my face/mouth/etc.

I think you're doing great mama!

[JennP]

I don't think you need to change a thing!

I remember all the comments too. My mom thought dd ate all the time. Maybe she did, she also took a pacifier (soother). She is healthy and as well adjusted as a 2yr old can be. Ds hates his pacifier, to the point where I don't even bother to try anymore.

As for the toys ds it 9weeks this week and he likes to look/hear a couple of rattle stuffed animal toys other than that he doesn't play with toys. With 2 kiddos it is a little harder to have cooing time so I try to make sure that when ds is awake and cooing that dd and I both respond to him. I am trying to get dd to interact with him some more. That is when she likes to shake his rattles or hold his toy for him to see. As you can imagine he only reacts to the noise, he doesn't hold the toy or shake it himself.

Keep on doing what you feel is right.

JennP

[Thursday Girl]

ignore their advice and go with your gut. the book the continuum concept really helped me go with my gut. very interestung read.

courtney(nak)

[erniebobernie]

Book Suggestion....

I have loved having Natural Family Living: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting by Peggy O'Mara with Jane McConnell (Pocket Books, 2000)

Dr. Williams Sears has similar views and many books about parenting.

Follow your gut and tell them you are doing what feels right to you. Ask them to please respect your parenting choices. I know it's easier said then done. I find myself having to defend some my parenting choice even after 13 years of having children

Trust yourself. You know best....

[aisraeltax]

the only reason i have any toys are either b/c they were given to us or they are hand me downs from the older boys. i dont see much point in going out and buying them. Ethan has started looking at the little things hanging from his swing, but he's only in there when im in the shower and for 5 minutes or so to allow me to change sheets or something so he has to get off my bed!
you will be criticized regardless of what you do (as a wise mama told me the other day) so i wouldnt worry about it...keep loving your baby the way you do!
rach

[Taedareth]

You're doing great, Kelli!!

As far as the baby gym thingy with hanging toys - someone gave us one of those and DS finds it interesting for about 5 minutes at a time. (He likes hitting the hanging toys.) But those things cost $50 and I don't think 5 minutes of amusement a couple times a week is worth that!

I think you're completely right about babies needing people more than things. Whenever I start wondering about these new-fangled baby gadgets I put it to the Pioneer Test - did my pioneer ancestors need this thing to raise healthy children on the western frontier? No? Well then neither do we. Hehe... I read an article once that talked about how our modern culture tries so hard to replace people with things from an early age (teddy bear in the crib instead of mama in bed, etc.) and how we now have a society full of disconnected people who keep buying new stuff in an effort to make themselves happy but don't know how to form strong bonds with other people. Creepy when you think about it.

Anyways...... you rock! Keep it up, mama

[perditafoster]

You're doing great! My MIL and mom told me with dd #1 the following little gems of wisdom: that I was nursing too much, isn't that baby thirsty for water, why is she crying again, are you feeding her again, isn't it too soon to feed that baby again, why don't you wait to nurse her, can't I give her a bottle, why haven't you started solids, and other little lovelies that depressed me and made me doubt my mothering skills. I nursed her for 2 1/2 years, and she's just fine. So fortunately, with dd #2, they're keeping their mouths shut about the nursing thing. Although they do offer some opinions still on dd #1's potty learning status, such as: make her clean it up then she'll learn, why is she still in diapers, can I try to teach her (maybe you're not doing it right), why won't she go on in the potty, she's almost three what's wrong, and other little lovelies that I ignore! Keep up the good work and your well-meaning relatives will see that you're an incredible mama with perfect instincts!

[xmasbaby7]

Originally Posted by Taedareth

I think you're completely right about babies needing people more than things. Whenever I start wondering about these new-fangled baby gadgets I put it to the Pioneer Test - did my pioneer ancestors need this thing to raise healthy children on the western frontier? No? Well then neither do we. Hehe... I read an article once that talked about how our modern culture tries so hard to replace people with things from an early age (teddy bear in the crib instead of mama in bed, etc.) and how we now have a society full of disconnected people who keep buying new stuff in an effort to make themselves happy but don't know how to form strong bonds with other people. Creepy when you think about it.

[Thursday Girl]

kathleen, that is almost freaky i read your response and i was like wow that sounds like me, right down to the potty learning and all. then i saw your siggy, my girls are 03-05-03 and 01-01-06. crazy.

courtney

[spiralmg]

Originally Posted by jewelysmommy

kathleen, that is almost freaky i read your response and i was like wow that sounds like me, right down to the potty learning and all. then i saw your siggy, my girls are 03-05-03 and 01-01-06. crazy.

courtney

Are you sure you just are not the same person in a split-personality?

[Turtlemum]

Sigh, I love this forum!

You guys are great - thanks for the support!

I do the pioneer test too...he, he.

Kelli

[nikisager]

I always thought it was very weird to always hear everyone saying with all my children, put them down more or you will spoil them. If babies werent supposed to be held all the time, they would be born with the ability to walk, but just my opinion,lol.

[aisraeltax]

i dont understand the potty training thing..
w/ ds1, i trained myself when he was 2. then i had to start studying for LSATs and got off track so he went back to dipes...at 3, he potty trained himself...nothing to do with me.
ds2 was also 3...
i just dont get the 2 yo pt'ing thing...where did that age come from? (rhetorical question)
dh keeps making snide remarks about me holding Ethan all the time too...like, "if you put him down once in a while he would learn to sleep by himself". uh, yeh, he probably would, but it wouldnt be an easy learning experience for him or me.

[mkoontz]

I confess I've told a little white lie about the paci thing. I've said that I've tried it and Aveena didn't like it. When really I've only tried it once and when she was so distraught that nothing would work anyway. But it means that I haven't heard that comment again.

Not sure about the potty training yet, though I'm sure I'm going to get comments about it. I'll just call on you guys and ask what you did - Gosh, this forum is great!!

[SMR]

I get the 'is she already eating again' thing a lot... I think in my family at least, since I am the only one to ever breastfeed they don't understand that you can't schedule feedings like formula.. if my babe is giving me hunger signals, she gets a boob in her mouth! Simple as that!! hahaa We also hear the is she still sleeping with you on the recliner.. which, I DO want to get back to the bed someday.. we are going to get a guard rail and start sleeping in bed tonight -dh has been afraid of cosleeping, but I think he's coming around and believes that Im not going to roll on the baby! We are attached parents in an unattached world.. there are bound to be questions 'concerns' from our loving family members! haha Lucky for me, people ask questions, but it doesn't seem like they are trying to tell me how to take care of my girl.. I'm blessed with a great mom and mohter in law! Or maybe it's that everyone who knows me knows that I don't care about others opinions and I just do what I want anyway! haha
I think just go with your gut and do what you think is right.. I didn't know until Gwen was born that I'd want to sleep with her.. I figured bassinet next to the bed would be good.. NO WAY!!! I want that girl next to me always.. I actually miss her when she is in her daddy's arms for her 3 hour nap in the evening! poor me, huh!?! hahhaa