Originally Posted by stayathomecristi
Thanks for the hugs. I know you are right--to a point. I have refused plenty of medical advice and procedures in my short life, but I also know that stuff happens sometimes. Just ask the moms on this board who have been wheeled into the OR for no good reason and without permission, told they didn't have a choice about a c-section.
Talk to the ones who refused certain things (like vaccinations for their newborns) and their wishes were not respected. Some of those kids were given shots secretly, intentionally going against the parents wishes. Some parents have been forced by coercion or by court order to allow certain procedures for their children.
I had one close call when I showed up in labor with dc #3. We had scheduled a section for Monday and I went into labor on Friday. Even though I was in decent labor, they wouldn't "let" me continue. I finally agreed to the section b/c of the scare tactics that were presented to me, but as I was being wheeled down to the OR, then doctor shoved a paper in front of me to sign. Thankfully I had the wherewithall to ask what it was because it was a consent form for a tubal ligation. He figured while he was in there he would just "take care of that for me". Had I not asked, I wouldn't be having this baby right now.
So, you can see that my fears are real. Yes, technically I can refuse anything at all, but you just never know when a doctor god is going to push the envelope.
The other thing that is disturbing about my m/w visit is that she told me that a lot just depends on which doctor is on at the time. These are things I need ironed out ahead of time. I need to know that I'm not going to get an argument about the tub. I want in my file that there is an understanding about that. I need to know that I'm going to have a safe place without people nagging me constantly about this or that. Seems like she wants to leave it to chance.
Anyway, it will work out one way or another. I've been talking with dh about possible h/b. He's scared to death!
But, that's another post!
I totally agree with you! I KNOW that things can and often DO get "forced" on women, coercion, browbeating, threats, etc...
I would be SCARED POOPLESS to go into a hospital to have a baby...not really because of the "things" i.e. procedures, etc, because i know they would very likely NOT become an issue........but because of the horrible POWERLESS feeling..the thought that somehow, things might get to a pointt where someone might take/do/perform something to me/my baby without my consent/by court order/just as a matter of routine, etc.....The POWERLESS feeling, for me, is about the worst thing i can imagine..just thinking about it nearly makes me vomit.
BUT, CHOOSING to even go to a hospital/hire a doctor or midwife/go to a birth center/hire a homebirth midwife IS a choice!! IF you stayed at home by yourself, in your own house, no doctors/nurses/midwives would have any control over you. Now, I'm not saying you should do that...not by a long shot..I'm just saying that it is **technically** a choice....perhaps not the best choice, perhaps not even a good choice, perhaps a totally horrible choice, but it IS an option......Basically, you are in a position where you are being forced to give up your power in order to receive care you feel is necesary, and I think that is TRULY abominable. You SHOULD be able to get the care YOU CHOOSE, where you chooose, by the type of provider you choose. It is outrageous that ANY professional believes they can tell someone how/when where they are going to PROVIDE a service for them...I mean really, if you told a plumber your toilet was clogged and you wanted it snaked, and he told you he doesn't believe in snaking, he only replaces toilets and so thats what he's gonna do...would you hire him? would you PAY him to do something you don't want, and to be rude to you while he was at it? HECK NO!! Ir just kills me the way medical "professionals" treat women on this country....and for the most part, people just go along with it!!!!!
Sorry, this has turned into my little rant here......
I do hope you find someone...even if it means moving...it is wrong you do not have the options you want available to you....heck, major kudos to you for even having a VBA3C!!!!!!!!!!!
And we won't even go into the tubal consent thing.....my rant on "informed consent" could take up pages.....here, they do not allow ANY VBACS at all....and REQUIRE a tubal form at your 3rd CS..I'm a social worker with pregnant women/new parents, and have literally had women SOBBING to me about how they had dreamed of a large family, but had to get a tubal, becauSe of the (MOSTLY BOGUS) C/S they were forced into...it is HEARTBRAKING....and yes, they really do "bully" women into thinking that they HAVE to sign it...so the women do!!
..but i will say that i am SO HAPPY you were able to have your wits about you to refuse such a thing!
Perhaps you could arrange a few week vacation at my house around your due date...my midwife does home VBACS!!