Help me help my daughter get in shape!

[calicokatt]

So my ten-year old has been pudgy for a while now. Well, always, really. She's not obese, but has definite love handles and the beginnings of what looks like cellulite in the usual places. She eats larger portions than I think she really should, (she can put away more than my dh at dinner) but generally eats healthy food, except for the school lunches, which are definitely NOT healthy. I am planning to get a treadmill in the next month or two, because I need to lose some weight, and I know she enjoys walking on my parents' treadmill. What I'm looking for are ways to increase her activity level, and perhaps SLIGHTLY decrease her calorie intake so she stops gaining, or at least slows a bit, so her height can catch up! I DO NOT want to give her the idea that I think she's fat, or that how she looks is all that matters, but I firmly believe that if I can help her develop good habits now, she will struggle less in the future. IS there a way to do this without undermining her confidence??

Kathy

[a-sorta-fairytale]

THe best way for me as a chubby kid was when my mom asked me to be her "workout buddy" and keep her on track. That was fun and we worked out together. Also when i was 16 and my sis was 18 my mom MADE us take a bellydance class together with her. It was SOOOO FUN! Is there any way you two can take a dance class together? Or a yoga class? Or if not maybe get a video to do together? Or take a daily walk where you two can just talk. I know growing up (1 of 5 kids) alone time with mom was a premium so i was all about the sorking out or walks to get mom to myself

[amydidit]

IMO, coming from someone who was a pudgy (okay, more than pudgy) kid... no, there is no way. UNLESS *she* is asking for help. My mom would always try all sorts of ways to get me to lose weight, or stabilize while I grew, and it made me feel terrible! I just wanted her to accept me exactly as I was, not how she wanted me to be.

Just make sure she eats healthy and gets some fun exercise... does she show an interest in any sports? Dance? Find a fun class for her and let her do that, but don't worry if the pudge sticks around... you CAN be perfectly healthy while weighing more than society says you should. As long as she's healthy then don't worry or push anything.

Again, just my opinion.

[ozzyemm]

I was a "pudgy" 10-12 year old. My relatives (including my mom and aunts and uncles) teased me about my size (120 and 5'4, also I was a 36C). I ate as a response to the teasing. I gained 80 pounds in 6 months.

Please don't try to get your daughter in shape. I agree with PP who said to spend some "one on one" time with her. (mall!!)Walking, jogging, swimming, hiking, biking,etc., would be great ways for both of you to get in shape while she gets the attention she needs and deserves as a 10 y.o. Also, this is cheaper ( and more versatile) than getting a treadmill!

Spending time with her now will also pay off in the long run. If she is used to spending time w/you on a regular basis now, she will (hopefully) be more willing to talk to you/ spend time with you when she is a teen .

Good luck mama!

[shadylady25]

I would wait, and just encourage her nutrition. My DS was always a little pudgy off and on from the time he was born, BUT, last summer he decided he was going to grow about 4 inches (he's 14 and almost as tall as me now) without gaining any weight. He actually got too thin for his pants that were snug on him to begin with. What I'm trying to say is, with the crazy growth patterns at this age, you never know.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by calicokatt

IS there a way to do this without undermining her confidence??

Kathy

I wouldn't talk about loosing weight unless SHE'S stated she feels she needs to loose weight. I also don't think I'd suggest "workouts" for the sake of workouts. I think I'd find something she'd enjoy doing (or several things) and do that. Hiking, biking, skating, swimming--some activity that is fun besides being exercise, yk? If she's enjoying what she's doing, she's more likely to incorporate the activity into her life, long-term. Also, those things can be social activities, so there's a better chance she'd continue it.

Of course, I'm biased by my own feelings on working out: I can't think of anything more boreing than riding a stationary bike or walking a treadmill while staring at the wall! Personally, I need to be DOING something -- rather than working out just for the workout, kwim?

[ameliabedelia]

I think one thing you could do which would be important is to encourage her/teach her ways to deal with her emotions without eating. I think one reason taht many overweight people are overweight is that they use food to help them manage their emotions. Perhaps working with her teaching her healthier ways to deal with both negative and positive emotions (without even mentioning food or weight at all) would be food. For example if she likes to paint or draw or play the piano or walk the dog or whatever she finds fun and relaxing..perhaps you could encourage her to do that and talk about how stress-relieving and fun those acitivities can be. Or, if she seems down and you notice her eating more than usual or if she seems to be eating when she is sad, perhaps you could just gently mention that she seems down, and would she like to talk. Don't nag or anything..but try to be senstive to her emtions and if she is eating to deal with them, and help her find other ways to deal.

I think the other good idea you already got was to take walks with her and do fun stuff together. That is good too, as you will be good one-on-one time with her and you both can get exercise.

[calicokatt]

I agree that one on one time is probably the best idea, unfortunately, with three younger children and my husband out of the country for probably at least another year, that's not a luxury that we can afford right now. I don't THINK that she's eating due to emotions, but I'll keep a closer eye. It really seems like she just LOVES to eat! (And of course, so do I, hence the treadmill, which I am buying for me, not for her, though she has expressed interest in it.) Walking the dog is a good idea, but the dog is bigger than she is, and hasn't been trained So maybe I should work on that. We DO take walks together, to the store, the post office, the library, etc. And I'm told there is a trail that leads down the cliff face to the beach below our house. If we can find it, we will be doing that together this summer, the problem is that with a four year old along, its a pretty leisurely pace we set! She hasn't expressed interest in any sports, or dancing or anything at all, she's a reader, like her mama. I'm thinking about making a weekly treadmill chart for myself, to log how far I've walked each week, and if she expresses interest, maybe I'll make one for her, too. Perhaps that will keep her motivated, because she DOES like to walk on the treadmill at my parents' house.... I keep thinking that she'll sprout up and grow out of it, but it is starting to not seem so likely, as with every growth spurt she gets heavier too. I guess this is something I'll have to think more about. I do NOT want her obsessing about her weight, (I'm that girl in school who did cheerleading practice for 2 hours every day, AND ran 3 miles before school started and got so thin her parents had to force her to eat AND keep her from exercising, so I know where that leads) but her lack of activity is not healthy. Why can't they just stay two years old forever???

[ameliabedelia]

It is difficult isn't it. I think I will probably be posting a similiar problem in about 6 years myself. My 4-year old daughter is defintiely chubby...never lost the baby fat like other kids her age have and has always been big. She too LOVES to eat. I can relate, as I am the same way. I have always loved to eat, and I too went through the ton of exercise, eating very little thing but in college not high school, and really want to help my dd avoid the same issues.

The thing which helped me most..is finding an exercise which I loved and could do (for me power walking/hiking) and being aware of fat/sugar contents and choosing foods which had lower fat/sugar contents without really depriving myself, as well as making myself eat a ton of veggies every day. I don't think it would hurt your daugther to gently talk about nutrition and small choices which can make a difference (for example putting salsa on a baked potato instead of butter)..just little things like that. You defintiely don't want to emphasize it too much or make a big deal out of it, but I think a little bit of nutrition lesson might be helpful. And, I wouldn't ever talk about depriving herself or losing weight...more just like grilling chicken is better than frying it or adding broccoli or zucchini to pizza makes it healthier, mixing pasta with cooked veggies so you can 1/2 pasta and 1/2 veggies is an easy and tasty way to eat veggies and is healthy. Just kinda make her aware of general nutrition and little things we can do be healthier but still eat good food.

[LolaK]

You mentioned that you have a dog that is "untrained." Do you have the resources to enroll the dog, with daughter as trainer, in an obedience or even better an agility class? That would help get the dog under control and give your daughter something active to do which she would have to practice in between classes.

I have to agree with some of the previous posters that the only way to go here is to increase her physical activity - what does she do in a typical day now? Is it possible that she isn't into sports because she hasn't been exposed to them enough? There are plenty of "different" sports that she could try - archery, flyfishing, hiking - it doesn't have to soccer or basketball.

[ceilydhmama]

I was chubby at 9 or 10 and coming from a family of 5' tall 95 lb women my mum went a bit overboard and took me to a dietician, dr and joined a mother daughter excercise class with me (the class would have been fun if it hadn't felt like penance). Anyway, I took after some other strain of the family and grew 6" that year and 6" the next ending up at a slender 5' 10" at 12 - but because of my family reaction to my pregrowth pudge, I was always thinking I was HUGE!

I would go gently. Anything you introduce to her, do for yourself too. My mum could have taught me about portion size by doing it for everyone rather than just for me And that raised eye thing when you go for the biggest peice of cake so sucks.

Ask how she feels about herself and what she would like to do. I personally was quite content until it was pointed out I was fat. I just thought I was getting breasts

We just try to be active and healthy as a family. We walk most places. I am always talking to dd about our food choices ie "wow I'm hungry and that muffin looks good - but I think my body would prefer an apple." Our other favourite thing is family activity night - I'm not sure if this could fit into your life but one night a week we try to have an early dinner (or pack a picnic) and go do a cheap activity - it runs the gamit from attempting to ice skate, swimming, biking the neighbourhood, walking to a park that's having a music night etc.

I think weight issues are tackled best when you look at teaching kids how to make their lifestyle healthy and interesting.

[calicokatt]

We are definitely getting more active as a family, but with such a wide range of ages and only one parent at home right now, its difficult to find an activity that we can do together. The resources are very slim right now, which is why we so often walk to the store and the library (saving gas money) But she REALLY enjoys the walking. She COULD go by herself, but she has to cross the highway to get to the library, and though there is a crosswalk, there's no traffic signal, so I'm not comfortable with that. She could walk the other direction, but the road is winding with very little shoulder, so not really an option there either. So I'm really at a loss here. She is showing more interest in getting active lately, which is why I want to jump on it now, because I don't think I'd really have to push. But at this time, she reads, plays gamecube, sews, and helps a bit around the house. So not a whole lot of activity. I'm thinking about playing tennis together once or twice a week this summer, and maybe taking some trail hikes, with the baby in the back pack, I think everyone could keep up, and I think she would really enjoy that.

[Teenytoona]

One of the funnest things we do as a family is put on some upbeat music and boogey around the house, everyone enjoys this from Mr Toona, teen girls (15 and 13), our 6 yo boy and our 4 yo girl, oh and me of course. Make sure you get a good playlist together and just bop like mad, it's fun and it's a workout. Treadmilling is a good idea, but also throwing in an activity change-up will help too. That way everyone gets a little activity and has a good time doing so. It won't feel like a sort of workout chore (if you know what I mean). Also she won't feel singled out, which in my experience as a pudgy kid, was the worst.

Oh and hearty pillow fights are always good.

[AnnaLC]

That's a tough situation with all the younger ones around and your husband gone. How about swimming this summer (exercise disguised as fun)? Do you have a place that is deep enough for her to paddle around, but shallow enough for the youngsters? How about swimming lessons? (though that would depend on how she feels about being seen in a bathing suit). Martial arts training? Exercise that makes you think but where your performance isn't judged by how you look doing it is really fun and often less intimidateing.
I agree about treding gently. My mother and I now have a great relationship, but the one major stumbling block is my weight and exercise level, even though she has stopped mentioning it entirely (I still get defensive just at the word "exercise") I was always cubby as a kid and my mom would make me do things in the name of exercise, or occasionally try to institue diet plans. Even if it was just going on a walk I HATED it. She really did have my health in mind, but it didn't turn out well. If your daughter knows that you think she is overweight, in my experience it will lead to 1) lowering of her self-esteem, 2) It will hurt your relationship (I am still mad at my mom for that, though I know she was just trying to help me). 3) other general badness.
If you can do it in a way that doesn't let her know you are doing it for her, go for it. But dont push too hard, most likely she will come to a decision about it herself at some point, and if she doesn't feel like its a battle, she will be much more likely to ask you for help.

[lilyka]

pudgy or not I feel it is my job to teach my children good lifestyle habits. i teach them about portion control (we really have to work my dd. sheh as sensory and eating issues stemming from her stay in the NICU - she literally eats until she pukes if we don't stop her and has since she was a newborn. they fed her too much in her tube and she would just throw up the excess. and so right away she programmed to over eating and never stopped.), eating slowly and midfully, exercise, nutrition and yes even calories. my dd at 7 understood calories. Calories give you energy, you need them to have energy but once you have that energy in you, you have to use it or it will turn into fat. once it is fat we can turn it back into energy but only after we have used all our calories from today will we dig down to our calories from yesterday.

we are mindful of those places where calories sneak in or our choices make us likely to overeat.
**fruit juice. no point. no nutrients. no fiber. just sugar amnd water and a bit of Vit C. Better to get ruit from real fruit.
**too much fruit (it is good for you but has a ton of sugar and calories. it can throw off your blood sugar and make you feel hungry when you are not. it is not a free food. my chidlren are allowed 1 1/2 small to medium peices a day with meals. When I was dieting once i wasn't loosing weight and it turnd out it was all the fruit I was eating. I could have 1 sm/med apple or 6 large carrots. moderation. . . get the nutrients and fiber but stick with veggies for the bulk of your snacking and treat fruit as a treat or dessert.)
**dip and butter on veggies. especially ranch and other sour cream dip.
**too much butter (thats my weakness)
**too many carbs (my other weakness. bread makes a good carrier for the butter of course)
**pop - absolutely no redeeming qualities.
**speaking of drinks go easy on the milk. skim milk has few redeeming qualities, whoel raw milk is good for you but again with moderation. Stay especially away from coffee drinks, hot cocoa and what not that you get from cofee shops. I know frapachinos are big with kins but a venti frappachino has almost 1000 calories in it. even if you don't do coffee thier creme drinks (the yummy strawberry thing) and thier carmel apple cider have a death blow of calories.
**dehydration . drink drink drink.
**resteraunt food is hideously fattening
** quick breads and muffins. did you know an average size bannana nut muffin has more calories and fat than a donut? Therefor I will just have a donut and screw trying to be healthy in my treats

so exersie and active lifestyle - Tae Kwon Do got my dd into excellent shape. A good serious school will really tone you. It makes me sad to know how fit she was this time last year when we quit compared to this year. She really likes swimming so we do that alot (in theory 2-3 times a week for 2 hours at a time. right now it is just to cold even in the heated pool). She loves walking on the treadmill and will do that forever. this is a great sort of thing to say "sure you can watch tv but you have to be on the treadmill." She also really likes the stationary bike. really anything she can do while watching Tv listening to music. OH! We also got a mini trampoline which they are constantly on. $25 new and you can usually find them used. they used it more when it was in the living rom in front of the TV. Oh and those exercise balls. again with the novelty and even if all they are doing is sitting on that instead of a chair it is strenghtening thier core muscles. but they make up allkinds of exercises and games and evenjjst fighting each other for it . . . . we replaced the cmoputer chair with the ball. Also we just try as a family to walk more places, take public trasit (which usually involves walking) and park at the back of the lot when we drive, bike places, make exersize not an activity but a life style. one day i was really convicted because we had gone to the gym and I wasdriving around lokoing for a good parking space so i could go walk. WTF?! I can be such an idiot. They pick a video every day to work out with. they don't nesecarily do it right but whatever. they are moving. it is a little easier for us because we homeschool so we can say "for PE we are doing this class." Our goal isn't nessecarily losing the weight. we are learning active lifestyle and games and activities and working out. Just like math or language or whatever. . .it is just somethign we do for school that you will need to know for life.

and we don't just do this for our one dd who is prone to chubby. we do it for our tall stick thin dd (who is very good at self regulating and will probably never have a weight problem because of it) also and the baby (who is somewhere in the middle with eating habits) who of course is still baby chubby . I love that baby belly. but still she doesn't get pushed around in a stroller or even carried everywhere. once she learned to alk she started walking places and as her walking skills and leg length increased she started walking more. she just turned thee and can walk 1-1 1/2 miles whithout whining and while going a good pace.

a great book is "French Women Don't Get Fat" It is all about portion control, eating very well, really enjoying what you are eating, having fun, moving your butt without schduling exercise, and how to treat yourself without regretting it. and it is a fun read.

back to portion control wuick. maybe it is because she has never had the concept og full or hungry before so we were forced to become OK with it at an early age. but I really don't have a problem dishing up a reasonable amount of food and saying "that is enough. no you may not have more right now. if you are hangry in a hour you may come back and have some more" this may sound really cruel to people but honestly she rarely ever comes back. She just wasn't intrested in stopping. they never sems to mind this approach. Maybe it is just what they expect because it has always ben that way.maybe it is because after a while they realized i was right and they wern't really hungry most of the time. if they really insist they are hungry and can't wait an hour we will offer them plain carrots or celery. Smetims they take us up on it (if they are really hungry) and sometimes they don't. depends on how hungry they actually are. when we have dessert it is usually a peice of fruit. if for some chance we have brownies or ice cream or something thier servings are small. 1/4 -1/2 cup of ice cream, a 2-3" brownie, 1/2 a cup of hot chocolate.

[kewb]

Have you had her thyroid checked? The reason she may appear to love to eat so much is because her thyroid is not functioning properly.

I would say nothing to her about her weight unless she is looking for help. I am still scarred from my mother's "help". I am a huge closet eater thanks to her ever watchful eye of what was on my plate. I have been watching my neice just deflate over her mother and my MIL's comments about her weight and their ever watchful eyes.

Work out for you. Tell her you want her to be your workout buddy so that you can spend time together.

Is their anything you can do as a family? After dinner walks? Bike riding?

[MillingNome]

I'm in the camp of saying try to make it part of life, seamless with who you are. I come from a very fit and active family so it never occured to me that we were excerising when we all played baseball, basketball, went swimming etc. It was just fun. Food is another issue for me- mainly because I am picky. And wouldn't you know it- so are my kids. How did that happen!??! We try not to make it feel like the kids (and us) are being denied a certain food/foods. We try to instead focus on balance and mixing in those foods we really don't like but need to eat. Try to make not seem like a "penance".

[Avena]

I have not read all the replies so soory if this is repeat:

I have seen many "chubby" kids slim down once they were off convential foods and only ate natural foods.. Ever seen the ingredients on those foods and you don't have to wonder why! you may think it's impossbile to eat organic natural foods, maybe for $ reasons but it's worth your family's health...Maybe you eat natural foods allready? If not..I'm very willing to help you, locate stores in your area where you can get affordable healthy natural foods, pm me!

You need to empower your DD..This is a crucial age for girls to develop postive body image...Have you thought about doing a mother/DD yoga class??? I'm a certified yoga instructor and I tell ya it WILL get your Booty and everything else in shape!!! I recc. hatha yoga, it's gentle and flowing and will get her in shape..I can help you find yoga studios too if you want...
I know several classes just for teens...
Good luck!

[Dar]

I'm not really comfortable with some of the messages here. As a naturally slender person, it's taken me a while to come to terms with my daughter's weight (and I'm not sure I'm truly there yet, but I try). She's "overweight" according to the charts, and she always had a larger build than most kids... but when she hit adolescence, she got much bigger. She has larger bones, larger boobs, and is just a larger person than I am. However, she eats healthy foods - pounds of apples and carrots a week, vegetarian for months and years at a time throughout her life, and very little processed food - and exercises - walking, dance classes, working out. She's healthy. She's happy with herself, or at least as happy as most 13 year olds (it's a tough age). We're talked about weight but I'm not at all comfortable with the focus some of the posters have on helping her "slim down". Your daughter may not be built for "slimmed down". She may be build more along Botticelli lines, and that has to be okay....

dar

[dace101]

It really sounds like you are well on the right path to helping your daughter get a little more activity into her day (walking together, planning activities for the Summer, etc). Since you have said she enjoys walking on the treadmill - and walking in general- I think your plan to purchase one is fantastic. Also, you sound like you have a wonderful view on trying to help your daughter implement a healthy lifestyle without damaging her view of herself.

Some of the suggestions previous posters have given are great, but I can understand that with other children to consider and limited resources it can be difficult to find something low-cost to do as a family while still remaining active or even find time to take up one-on-one activities with her.

Since she is expressing an interest to become more active, I definately think it would be beneficial to help her begin some kind of activity while her motivation is high. Have you asked her what kinds of activities she would like to do?

Maybe you can pick up a booklet from your local YMCA/community recreation center and go through the choices together to help her pick out something she would enjoy doing. Even though this isn't an activity you would do together, it would help her gain great skills in other areas that relate to team work, being part of a team, and interracting with peers (and give you some free time while she is at the YMCA who doesn't love that? Or more time to spend with the other kids). It's a good idea, although this could be too expensive for you to consider as an option... Explore other opportunities your community offers. Some YMCAs have family time sessions, or you can play pool, go swimming, or use the gymnasium together (usually free or $1 per child/low cost).

What about yoga as a family? There are some great books or resources available online with kid-friendly positions to try (even my young dc enjoys doing a 20 minute yoga session with me). This would be a no-cost option that you can all do at home or in the yard. The Healthy Kids website (www.healthykids.com) has a few good poses to begin with, they can be found at: http://www.healthykids.com/hk/slides...1&catref=HK139

Is there another family you can buddy up with to get outdoors together? Going to the park to throw the frisbee, non-competitive FUN games of soccer or basketball (family vs family or children vs adults), or nature hikes are some ways of adding a little more interest instead of limiting activities to being only within your family.

Can she keep an exercise journal? You said she liked to read, does she also enjoy writing? She could enter how much exercise she did (even small amounts of 10 minutes at a time are beneficial, and you indicated that she really doesn't need to lose a lot of weight, but that you prefer she be a little more active), how she felt about the activity, how her body felt afterwards, the changes she has seen in herself (physical, emotional, assertiveness, confidence etc) and she can see how far she has come.

Playing tennis together sounds like a fun way to get your heart rates up without being too strenuous. Great idea!

Can you draw a hopscotch grid on the sidewalk with some chalk for family fun? Playing tag, hide-and-seek, jumping rope all burn calories and can be done as a family. If time allows for it when you're out and about, take the stairs or park the car further away from the entrance (or walk, like you already do).

Some gymnastics academies offer a "free play" session where the kids get to try and play with different gymnastics equipment. Are there local places that offer an all ages session like this (usually a few hours each week)? Or buy your own mini-trampoline as a pp suggested...

What about setting up a scavanger hunt around the block, or even at the mall/in the house? Simon Says? Are your other children old enough to organise a game of Capture the flag or something similar? A family sports carnival day where you set up games of beanbag races, baton races, or other types of relay races you can enjoy as a family (or compete with another family/extended family). Even bowling counts. What matters most is that you're doing something active as a family!

Your library should have some books on ideas to keep your family fit (even for those who don't enjoy sports). What kinds of books does your daughter read? Is there a way that you could incorporate her favourite characters/interests into a creative physical activity or game?

Honestly, it sounds like you already have some good ideas to start introducing a more active lifestyle into your lives as a family! Well done! Maybe after a few weeks of hiking, you could have a "marathon" together?

As for the food, you mentioned that while your daughter eats healthy (for the most part), she perhaps tends to overeat/choose large portions. You could try giving her smaller portions or switching to a large variety of healthier foods (more vegetable portions, low-calorie recipes, etc). You could even have her help prepare simple dishes (making salads, easy recipes, etc - if you don't already).

I think it's great that you're making better choices for your daughter while she is still young enough to keep them as a lasting part of her life!


**Edited to add that I understood the op's post to be more about ways to get her daughter to be more active, not about dieting/restricting calories for her dd. I am sure she understands how damaging that might be to her dd, both physically and emotionally. I think introducing physical activity into your family life is fantastic, and the benefits are a healthy way to burn energy, be fit and have fun as a family even if weight loss isn't an incentive.