How would you respond to comments like these?

[ashley1972]

I have a friend (she does not yet know I'm pregnant with my first) who does amazing work at a well respected environmental organization. She is an intelligent and caring person that I like very much. She works on various enviornmental issues and studies the threat of overpopulation on the global enviornment.

During discussions about me wanting babies in the past she has asked me the following questions:

-How can I justify bringing children into a world that is so threatened by severe over-population?

-Why I would want to add children to a world already full with so many unwanted children?

-Isn't it just a little bit selfish to have children (at least more than one) when that inherently means pushing the world's balance and ability to heal itself to the brink? (unless you live off the grid, grow your own food, etc,).



Now I consider myself a thoughtful person - socially conscious, politically active, enviornmentally aware. And I do think about these issues, and I struggle with them because I think that she is correct, but I also think that having children is one of the most optimistic things that a person can do.

I'm just curious how other thoughtful mamas balance these issues, even to themselves. It isn't really that I feel that I have to justify my decision, more like I understand the issues and am conflicted (although NOT about my pregnancy, I'm ESTATIC about that!)

[em&namama]

I don't see having children as a logical thought process. It's a fundamental desire that our bodies were born with.

I feel conflicted myself because I always wanted one of my own but would be content to adopt because I know there are plenty of precious kids out there who need a home but I also feel frustrated with a system that makes it near impossible unless you've got some decent money...which is sad.

I don't know that I know what to say to your friend but don't let her bring you down. Admittedly I don't know a heck of a lot about the overpopulation of our world but I personally think many of the problems have to do with the way we use our resources, waste, greed, money and politics.

[deliarose]

I would probably ignore the comments! As far as overpopulation, if you look at stats of the western world, it really isn't an issue. In fact there are far fewer people born to support things like social security. You having or not having a baby isn't going to fix the problem of unwanted children. You can have children and thoughfully raise them in our society without a huge impact on the environment.

[umami_mommy]

i tell people that my children are my activism... you raise a child totally different and then when they grow up the world will be a better place... "changing the world, once gently birthed, attached child at a time."

(and i might say something like "while i respect your opinion on the matter, i have the right to feel differently and having children is my way of having faith in the future."

HTH!

[annethcz]

1. The world is a better place with my children in it.
2. Having babies is what we are biologically created to do. I have never felt more full of purpose and life than when pregnant.
3. As to the 'unwanted children' comment... one of my children was adopted from a 3rd world country. For the most part, it is not true that children are unwanted, it's that the people who want them are unable to take care of them. There are many economic and social reasons for supposed 'unwanted' children. It's unwise to make sweeping assumptions about global problems from half a world away.

[ashley1972]

That is wonderful of you to adopt. I would think that it would be an incredibly fulfilling thing to do.

I'm not sure she is making "sweeping assumptions" about unwanted children (abondoned? unparented? whatever you'd prefer to name them). Unfortunately I think its pretty fair to say that the world if full of these children. Whatever their unique situations happen to be, where they end up is quite bleak in much of the world (I worked at an orphanage in Northern India and saw the situation there first-hand).

(My friend isn't half a world away - she goes back and forth between Indonesia, India and South America.)

I love honeybeedream's idea that her children are her activism - very inspiring!

[deleria]

Honeybeedream, my children are my activism, too

I think about these things all the time. On the other hand, I hope that my three children will contribute more to the world than they take away from it. I try to live by that philosophy. We have a sponsored child in a third world country and my children have learned a lot from her. We also teach them about world economics and how much money talks when it comes to environmental and humanitarian causes (in other words, where we buy our clothes, food, etc). Our 9yr old is becoming quite conscious of these things, but our 3yr old still has a few years before he grasps the concept.

And who knows? Maybe one or more of our children will end up inventing a better way to grow crops, or help find a cure for a life-threatening illness. Maybe they'll just bike to work and eat organic food. But no matter what, I hope they're more of an asset to the world than a liability.

[leurMaman]

My husband's friend said things like that once - during a philosophical moment (before DH was married). He loves spending time with our son! I think sometimes people just think out loud. I can see her points....and I've thought them all at one time or another. In the end, though, I follow my heart and try to raise my children to be good influences in the world. I'm sure she's the one who will feel embarrassed if it ever comes up - since she probably didn't mean it as an attack against mothers in general. Good luck!