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DD Molested Yesterday - Page 2

post #21 of 222
You and your DD are in my thoughts. How horrible.
post #22 of 222
I am so, so, so sorry. I honestly feel sick for you and your dd...If I can help you in any way (do you have my most recent email addy?) please know I will.

post #23 of 222
So sorry, mama! You and your family are in our thoughts.
post #24 of 222
I, too, can only offer you and let you know that you so did the right thing. Who knows how many "friends" this boy has done this to. You are so much more calm that I am-I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself from doing something violent to him.

You are one amazingly strong & smart mama.
post #25 of 222
So many hugs to you.
I do urge you to contact your dh in Iraq. Your dh would want to know regardless of how much information you have, he may feel trapped b/c he isn't here; but how would he feel if you tell him so much later that it's like "honey, 3 wks ago our dd was molested by blank..." as apposed to "honey, 2 days ago our dd was ..." They are so far away and the miss so much, this is important for him to know regardless of how painful it will be for him. It might also be a good thing he is away b/c I would think the first reaction a father would have would be to go "kill the SOB" who did this -- my first reaction as a mother after shock would be to cut his genitals off or at least torture him!
Also, if you can contact his CO with this information yourself that would be a good thing b/c chances are your dh won't tell his CO himself. The military has people for your dh to talk to about his feelings and this is a big serious issue. The worst would be your dh to start acting out or taking this aggressively out on another and his CO would have no idea what's gotten into him.
{Former Military Officer's wife in an overseas duty station, some spouses and families present, some not.}
I am glad you got a police officer right away. It's a hard thing to do.
Also, your dd may forget about this entire incident, which is a good thing IMO for childhood sake. However, I urge you to tell her the story at an appropriate age in the future. I found out I had been molested in a vision I had, like a dream. It was my first year being married that this came out. I decided not to tell my mother b/c I feel it would have crushed her and my father. My dh knows, but I'm not sure how much he believes. I believe it was one of their students they hired to babysit, a male. I do have confirmation that 1 male babysitter was used. And he took me into their bedroom, I'm fuzzy on the details, but I know I was not allowed in my parents bedroom. It explains a lot...
post #26 of 222

No doubt one of your worst nightmares.
I am so sorry and just want to ech what many poepl have said, you did step in to protect and support her and she knows that. I'd also think you've been doing something very right over her lifetime that she trusted and told you what had happened right away.
post #27 of 222
I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
post #28 of 222
How awful. I imagine many moms would not have questioned any of the situation. If you had not drawn her out, your dd would be carrying around a "bad" secret. You felt like something was wrong, you asked her about it, & you took action! I think that is amazing.

I don't know what to say about your husband. It breaks my heart to think of him over there, hearing about what happened & being helpless to "fix" it... but if he doesn't hear about it right away, will he resent it??

Please keep us posted. I am so sorry for your dd but I think the way you are handling it is so good for her. She will be ok!
post #29 of 222
Oh dear to you and your dear daughter. As a child, both of my step "grandpas" tried to molest me and thankfully my parents were VERY proactive and willing to protect me no matter what- it did affect me a lot though, in that I was (or should say am) very cautious when it comes to men I don't know or don't know well. The fact that you're standing up for your dd and supporting her is so very important. Kudos to you.
post #30 of 222
Oh how horrfying for you! big for you and your daughter. You are so strong and a wonderful mama to have acted so quickly to protect your dd. I'm sorry I have no advice. Your poor dd, I am glad she seems to be ok, though.
post #31 of 222
Omg how awful! I'm so sorry this happened to your dd.
post #32 of 222

I wanted to tell you that you are an amazing mom. It's a horrible thing that happened to your dd, but it's wonderful that you are intuitive enough to realize immediately that something was amiss, and you didn't hesitate to act as soon as you found out.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
post #33 of 222
You are doing great, mama! Hugs and prayers for you and your precious dd.:
post #34 of 222
I'm so sorry
post #35 of 222
Oh UG!!! I am so sorry to hear that this happened to your dd! As others have said, you absolutely did the right thing. I can't even imagine the disgust you must've felt in your gut as she was telling you. Man, I sure hope that boy gets some major counseling, who knows what he could be up to years from now if he's already acting out like this now. Hugs to your sweet daughter & you
post #36 of 222
all that I can think of is how awesome it is that you went straight to the police - that's just sending just a strong message to your daughter. I'm so sorry you're going through this though.
post #37 of 222
I'm crying just reading this, my adrenaline is rushing and I want to kill someone!!!

I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now, and your clarity and strength are shining despite how gut wrenching this must be. My suggestion to you is to NEVER EVER let your daughter feel like she can not talk about it, should move on (I don't care how old she is). Don't project your feelings on to her, and always meet her where SHE is. Get some support for yourself- this abuse victimizes the whole family and I am sorry to say that you will never be the same family you were before that moment... I am so sad for your daughter, and for this boy who has a very difficult life ahead of him.

As an adult survivor one of the hardest things is having my abuser (my father) remain in my family, remain in my life because the poeple around me felt it was 'over', and 'done with'. I had to shake people and beg them to see that by not talking about what happened to them, to me, that we are BREEDING the ground for it to continue! Don't ever let her feel that she is a burden, ykwim? If you feel she could benefit from it, get her into play-therapy. Use art at home to help her talk about her feelings. Make it fun, open and safe for her.

I don't have the words to express the intensity of the feelings I have reading what your sweet, innocent daughter experienced, and my celebration that she has the ability to speak to you about what she went through (I think it's so critical for kids to know the right words for body parts!).

You are not alone, your daughter isn't alone. Find out the number for the crisis line in your area because there will be times when it will be handy for you (trust me). Sometimes just talking to an invisible, uninvolved person helps, sometimes you just need to rage and not dump it all on someone you love- these lines are there for that.

Nurture yourself, nurture your family. Many, many for you and your sweet baby girl, and your Dh who will doubtlessly want to come home ASAP after he finds out. Please keep us updated.
post #38 of 222
I think you did well.

My first thought was "I would have killed him". Whats so sick, is that chances are your child isn't his first.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your daughter is lucky to have you
post #39 of 222
I am so sorry, what a horrible experience for you all.

I just couldn't read without posting a
post #40 of 222
I agree with everything the other moms have posted! Bravo to you for being proactive, thank goodness you are taking care of your baby. I'm glad you're not giving yourself guilt also---no one can foresee these things! This is also something I would consider: In about six months I might consider having her tested for exposure to HIV, even though it's totally unlikely that the encounter (UGH, shudder) would have put her in jeopardy. Still, you'd hate to not know, right? God, what a nightmare.

I like the idea of art therapy. Really good idea. Professional therapy too, if you need it.

My dad molested me when I was little, not all the time but on occasion. It messed me up as far as trusting people, because of course I just thought it was my fault somehow; "I guess I shouldn't have been walking around the house without any clothes on (going to the bathroom in the middle of the night). I'll remember to stay dressed in the future." Can you imagine? A six-yr-old afraid to be naked! Sad.
I never told anyone until telling a boyfriend as an adult.

I would hope that your daughter is not traumatized, but if she is, art therapy and other things would help to work it out of her system BEFORE she ends up living with it. Bless you for being strong, and hugs to you. Be sure she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't her fault, if the issue comes up again. I wish I had known that as a little kid. But hopefully, since this was an isolated incident and NOT a parent doing it to her, that she will not be traumatized and will quickly forget.
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