DD Molested Yesterday - Page 3

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Oh how awful for you both. I think you're taking the right steps to get this boy and your daughter both the help they need. I would also urge you to tell her father. It's his right to know in any case. I hope that she doesn't remember any of this when she is older.

[MidwifeErika]

Thank you for immediatly taking action for your DD. It can make such a difference in the long run as she will know that you believed her and you value each and every part of her and it may make that boy get enough help that he never ever hurts another person again. I am just sobbing reading about it, my DD is the same age as yours and it hurts so much to think of anyone doing something like that to a child that age. You give your DD an extra hug from me.
As far as your husband goes, I would tell him as soon as possible. He can't do anything about it, but at least he won't feel that you keep important things from him, you know? No matter when he hears about it, it will be heartbreaking that someone hurt his little girl and he was unable to stop it, but I know that if it was me, it would hurt me more to have my family keep it from me for any length of time, you know? Maybe he could feel involved as well as he could find out through his local channels if there is any military therapists, family support groups, etc that he could help you find. And it may be good to so his CO could find out so if he needs a little extra phone contact or email contact, it would be understood. I am not sure how his company is, but there are many COs that do really value family and try hard to do as much as they can to help in these sorts of situations.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am very proud of you though for the way you are handling it. I wish you lots of strength and healing for both you and DD.

[goodcents]

My love to you and your family. May you get everything you, your daughter and your husband get everything you need to heal.

[Ary99]

First and foremost, I'm angry and sorry for what happened. A close second for me however is to PRAISE you for standing up for your daughter. I am shocked and amazed when I have heard of people more concerned about what the family of the perpetrator might think as opposed to protecting their own innocent child.

There aren't any easy answers in a time like this. One day at a time my friend.

[pilesoflaundry]

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your dd right now (hugs).

[kirei]

I'm so sorry, mama.

[coobabysmom]

This breaks my heart.... You and your daughter are in my prayers...

[PennyRoo]

What a horrible, horrible thing to have happen, mama - I am so sorry! And to be separated from your DH during this time - My heart just goes out to you. In reading your post I was struck by two things - one, it is evident that your DD trusts so deeply and felt she could TELL you what happened, and two, how swiftly and decisively you acted, and how supported your DD sounds.

Hang in there and please keep us posted. You and your family are in my thoughts. I am so sorry this happened.

[littleaugustbaby]

Mama

[RiverSky]

What a great mama you are.

Originally Posted by hotwings640

Thank you for immediatly taking action for your DD.

I so agree with that. Thank you, OP, for being such a wonderful parent, listening to your child and being her advocate.

What a great mama you are.

I am so sorry for your poor DD but thank goodness she has you to help her through this. I think that 3 is not too young for counselling, therapy etc. to help her and make sure she doesn't use this incident as any kind of model for future sexual behavior. I do not have experience in this but I'm sure that you could find a support group or simply call some therapists or counsellors in your area to find out what they think is the best course of action.

And I agree with the PP who suggested that you do indeed contact your DH asap to let him know and make sure that he gets help to deal with this. I'm sure you could use a little support yourself, too.

[maxwill129]

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what happened to your DD. My thoughts are with you and with her.

I agree with other posters that said what a great mama you are to listen to your child. I'm sorry that you have to go through this at all, and especially since DH can't be there with you.


Shannon

[blessed]

I was attacked by a rapist in a public park during the middle of the day when I was 11 years old. It was very violent, not just a molestation, and I was left with a broken jaw from being punched in the face.

To be honest, I think the violence was far more injurious to my psyche than the sexual abuse component. It just changed the way that I viewed the entire world. It seemed so random to me - this charming man who had been speaking with me in a friendly way, suddenly punching me in the face and knocking me to the ground. After that I was frightened of literally everyone. I'd not had any clues that there was anything unusual or dangerous about this man or this encounter, so how could I trust myself to judge any other situation? I'm sure I had post traumatic stress disorder, but that was before that was a mainstream diagnosis and I never received counseling.

One of the things that bothered me at the time and in later years was this memory of my mother's reaction. I remember hearing her in the other room, calling her friends, "blessed was raped!" At that time, people didn't talk about this kind of thing and it felt like a horrible betrayal of my privacy. She also brought up the subject with my friends, who knew in a childish way that something bad had happened, but didn't really understand or know about the particular details. It made me feel victimized and like I was different in their eyes. I felt like they never really treated me the same afterward.

At the time it felt like she was parlaying my trauma into an interesting topic of conversation. I don't think that's probably fair or accurate now, she probably needed to talk about and process what had happened as much as I did, but as a child that was my interpretation of it. It took me many years to forgive her.

So, I guess I'd just add that it might be important to protect your daughter's wishes about when, where and how much she would like to share the experience. Just so she doesn't get re-victimized by stigma and loss of her sense of who she is.

blessed

[Ahappymel]

Mama, love to you.
I was molested as a little girl and my mom did not believe me.
You believed her and you protected her.
Your little girl is wonderfully blessed to have such a Mama.

Please keep us posted.

All of my love to you and your daughter...

P.S. I agree with the previous poster's message...so important to allow your daughter her feelings, assert that she did nothing wrong and enpower her rather than victimize her.

[angela&avery]

im so glad she told you!! so sorry you are all going through this....

[kate42]

I'm glad she told you and I'm glad you listened. What a wonderful relationship you have with your DD.

[Niamh]

I haven't read the rest of the replies but wanted to commend you for teaching your daughter correct anatomical terms and for believing her. It's alot easier for policemen, etc, to believe a child that can clearly say "He did this with this".

I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.

[Jessica36]

Oh So sorry Mama!

[TiredX2]

Your DD is so lucky to have you to listen to and love her. THANK YOU for getting her help.

[Mama2Bug]

Thank you for listening to your daughter. Prayers for you and your family.

[Kaitnbugsmom]

Originally Posted by Electra375

So many hugs to you.
I do urge you to contact your dh in Iraq. Your dh would want to know regardless of how much information you have, he may feel trapped b/c he isn't here; but how would he feel if you tell him so much later that it's like "honey, 3 wks ago our dd was molested by blank..." as apposed to "honey, 2 days ago our dd was ..." They are so far away and the miss so much, this is important for him to know regardless of how painful it will be for him. It might also be a good thing he is away b/c I would think the first reaction a father would have would be to go "kill the SOB" who did this -- my first reaction as a mother after shock would be to cut his genitals off or at least torture him!
Also, if you can contact his CO with this information yourself that would be a good thing b/c chances are your dh won't tell his CO himself. The military has people for your dh to talk to about his feelings and this is a big serious issue. The worst would be your dh to start acting out or taking this aggressively out on another and his CO would have no idea what's gotten into him.

I agree. I would consider sending a copy of the report to him as well. I know when a friend of mine was raped during desert storm 1 they sent a copy of the report to his first shirt and it kept him from being brought up on charges when he got into a fight with his best friend....