Depressed over messy, cluttered, ugly house!! Help? - Page 11

[Bestbirths]

Update on the progress:

The supplies have arrived for the craigslist floorman to finish the hardwood floor in the master in exchange for a projector screen we didn't need. I would have only gotten $50 for the screen on ebay and would have been a pain to ship. The speakers I am trading him I already put on ebay and they didn't sell for the price they were worth because at the time they were two sophisticated for the ebay market. So I am trading in essence the full retail value of the speakers and the projector screen, both I recieved in exchange for selling BIL's electronics for him on ebay. I am getting professionally installed real white oak hardwood flooring in my bedroom and the guy's day job is at one of the most respected hardwood flooring companies in the area. It's going to be amazing.

I bought the oak hardwood flooring with enough baseboard trim to trim our entire house at the auction for $200. So...this is a sweet deal!!

I ordered the stain and poly from the green building supply company online. It has the lowest VOC's and I ordered the flushmount vent covers off of ebay and saved 50% off of special ordering locally.

Another craigslist guy contacted me who owns his own remodeling company. He is trading $2,250 in labor fixing up my house (getting on the roof and replacing exaust vents and fixing the guttering, fixing dryer vent, stretching used carpet, laying tile, fixing the fence, improving the grade around the house, building in custom closets for more storage, fixing incidental broken things here and there). Dh is going to intstall a home theater for him and we are trading him a dvd player, cat 5E wire, and speaker wire that also is sitting around here that would have been a pain to sell on ebay (big scratch on the front of the dvd player making for an ugly ebay pic).

I am purging the downstairs and have gotten five huge garbage bags full of clothes for our garage sale. More to come. I am meeting dd's wish volenteer coordinator at the mall instead of having them come over to see the house a remodeling wreck. So I can have no stress about our state of upheaval (everything out of rooms waiting for carpets to be laid).

[transformed]

Thank you for posting this-Its nice to know someone is in the same boat as me!

I have also been in the excuse making stage-one of my biggest is that my dh doesnt help me at all-with anything. (Except the cat box cause I am pregnant and he takes the trash out.) No matter what I saay, beg, bitch, cry--he still doesnt get the picture that I cannot do this all myself.

We have a 4 yr old and a 17m old who just wreck the house all the time.

I have been wondering if its my depression that is partly (not all) to blame. I havent gotten any help (which I am in the process of doing) for it and I tend to not be able to get up off the couch alot. (Also due to morningn sickness and 1st tri tiredness)

I have this huge plan to do a big sweep of my house and declutter it, but I dont really know where to start. I guess step one is to go dumpster diving for boxes, and buy some box tape.

We are really in need of money but a garage sale seems too overwhelming to handle myself. I guess I will have charity come pick stuff up.

Didnt mean to hijack your thread but I am right there with u girl! I dont know what to do either!!!!

Jenny:

[ramlita]

Originally Posted by jenniferlearnest

I have this huge plan to do a big sweep of my house and declutter it, but I dont really know where to start. I guess step one is to go dumpster diving for boxes, and buy some box tape.

Sounds like another way to put it all off!!

Do you have any plastic shopping bags?
We have one in each room where I'm trying to sort things out to give away.
When they get full, a box always seems to appear to take all of the stuff.

As for where to start, what space do you use the most that feels the most cramped?
What area, when it looks nice, feeds your soul just looking at it?
Is there a path in the house that you walk constantly where you're stepping over/around something?

Pick one very specific, small area, and the boost you get from that will get the ball rolling for other areas.

Good luck!
Now, to spring into action and take my own advice... :

[WoadAbode]

Originally Posted by jenniferlearnest

I have also been in the excuse making stage-one of my biggest is that my dh doesnt help me at all-with anything. (Except the cat box cause I am pregnant and he takes the trash out.) No matter what I saay, beg, bitch, cry--he still doesnt get the picture that I cannot do this all myself.

We have a 4 yr old and a 17m old who just wreck the house all the time.


Jenny:

Any thoughts on how to cope with this? I can't seem to keep up with 3 other very dedicated mess-makers...and I swear sometimes the 38 year old is the worst!

And I will say, I am NOT lazy. I have a long list o' chores I do daily, as well as continually try to declutter. But it ain't workin' :

[Em T]

Okay, here's what I used to do with several small children when I was at home. We had a schedule, not written down but we woke around the same time, had breakfast, & so forth. Did that, showered, dressed children. They'd play with toys while I cleaned up the breakfast dishes. Then as the morning progressed I'd do some chores, moving them along in front of me. Dusting, sweeping or vacuuming depending on what kind of floors we had. Mid to late morning we would go out. Either on foot with the stroller or wagon, or in the car. We'd take a walk, run errands, go to the library or visit with friends. Home noonish. They get fed, & put to bed. I'd have 2 hours or so to clean or read or whatever I felt like doing, usually would do some early dinner prep. When they got up they'd get snacks & mostly I'd sit outside & watch them play till the ex came home. He'd play with them while I fixed dinner. They'd play a little afterwards, watch some tv, get a book read to them, baths & beds. I just sort of herded them ahead of me, like a sheep dog. They would play & get out toys but usually not an overwhelming mess unless there were extra kids visiting. Does that make sense? Also when the weather was decent I fed them outdoors a lot which cuts out crumbs & spills indoors that need to be cleaned up.

I'm sure people now don't use playpens but we used to have one. It was really great for when an older child wanted to play with something that a little one could mess up or would be dangerous. They'd sit inside it with their teeny Barbie shoes or legos & could play without a baby destroyer wrecking everything.

[Penelope]

Originally Posted by jenniferlearnest

Thank you for posting this-Its nice to know someone is in the same boat as me!

I have also been in the excuse making stage-one of my biggest is that my dh doesnt help me at all-with anything. (Except the cat box cause I am pregnant and he takes the trash out.) No matter what I saay, beg, bitch, cry--he still doesnt get the picture that I cannot do this all myself.

We have a 4 yr old and a 17m old who just wreck the house all the time.

I have been wondering if its my depression that is partly (not all) to blame. I havent gotten any help (which I am in the process of doing) for it and I tend to not be able to get up off the couch alot. (Also due to morningn sickness and 1st tri tiredness)

I have this huge plan to do a big sweep of my house and declutter it, but I dont really know where to start. I guess step one is to go dumpster diving for boxes, and buy some box tape.

We are really in need of money but a garage sale seems too overwhelming to handle myself. I guess I will have charity come pick stuff up.

Didnt mean to hijack your thread but I am right there with u girl! I dont know what to do either!!!!

Jenny:

You're depressed, pregnant, have two small children and your husband won't take on more housework to make your life easier?

Would you like me to call him? : I'd be happy to explain to him why this is such a bad choice.

Seriously, this is why God made marriage counseling. So a paid professional can (metaphorically!) smack him upside the head.

[BornInSeptember]

Originally Posted by jenniferlearnest

I have this huge plan to do a big sweep of my house and declutter it, but I dont really know where to start.

Originally Posted by ramlita

Sounds like another way to put it all off!!

Do you have any plastic shopping bags?
.....snip....
Pick one very specific, small area, and the boost you get from that will get the ball rolling for other areas.

Jennifer, I agree completely with ramlita. I have done this before and it works so well. I started with ONE drawer. Not even the whole desk. I put anything I didn't want to keep into a plastic bag, anything that was garbage right into a bathroom garbage can I brought along beside me, and then put away any items that belonged in other places. If I picked up scissors, and said to myself "these belong in the small kitchen drawer" I would go right to the small kitchen drawer and drop them in no matter what else was in the small kitchen drawer.

Don't get distracted from your main goal- clean out and organize ONE drawer/shelf etc. I assign a job for each drawer/basket/shelf etc. It holds a certain item or type of items. For example, if it does not classify as an office supply, it does not belong in my top desk drawer.

Hope that helps.

[~Journey~]

Originally Posted by Bestbirths

Update on the progress:

The supplies have arrived for the craigslist floorman to finish the hardwood floor in the master in exchange for a projector screen we didn't need. I would have only gotten $50 for the screen on ebay and would have been a pain to ship. The speakers I am trading him I already put on ebay and they didn't sell for the price they were worth because at the time they were two sophisticated for the ebay market. So I am trading in essence the full retail value of the speakers and the projector screen, both I recieved in exchange for selling BIL's electronics for him on ebay. I am getting professionally installed real white oak hardwood flooring in my bedroom and the guy's day job is at one of the most respected hardwood flooring companies in the area. It's going to be amazing.

I bought the oak hardwood flooring with enough baseboard trim to trim our entire house at the auction for $200. So...this is a sweet deal!!

I ordered the stain and poly from the green building supply company online. It has the lowest VOC's and I ordered the flushmount vent covers off of ebay and saved 50% off of special ordering locally.

Another craigslist guy contacted me who owns his own remodeling company. He is trading $2,250 in labor fixing up my house (getting on the roof and replacing exaust vents and fixing the guttering, fixing dryer vent, stretching used carpet, laying tile, fixing the fence, improving the grade around the house, building in custom closets for more storage, fixing incidental broken things here and there). Dh is going to intstall a home theater for him and we are trading him a dvd player, cat 5E wire, and speaker wire that also is sitting around here that would have been a pain to sell on ebay (big scratch on the front of the dvd player making for an ugly ebay pic).

I am purging the downstairs and have gotten five huge garbage bags full of clothes for our garage sale. More to come. I am meeting dd's wish volenteer coordinator at the mall instead of having them come over to see the house a remodeling wreck. So I can have no stress about our state of upheaval (everything out of rooms waiting for carpets to be laid).

WOW!

[transformed]

Originally Posted by ramlita

Sounds like another way to put it all off!!

Do you have any plastic shopping bags?

Funny-I thought about the plastic shopping bag thing and thats one of the things I need to get out of my house! They are EVERYWHERE! (I cant bring myself to throw plastic away most of the time and I dont remember to take them to the recycling thing)

Great idea! I am starting today!

Oh, in response to what another person said about dh-I think it royally sucks too, but even though he wont admit it, I think he might be having problems with depression also. (I dont know how to talkhim into getting help) we are getting ready to go to marriage counseling which I am excited aabout and so is he. He had adhd as a kid and he doesnt medicate or really do anything about it-he clearly still has it. I should join a support group. LOL I still yell at him way more than I should. : He is makin me crazy. I am probably makin him crazy too.

;-)

Jenny

[naturallyspeaking]

Thank you for the inspiration. I totally agree with what you are saying but it is hard to follow up on what I'm thinking... Still no excuses allowed...
For me, I put off things to do because I'm looking for the "perfect" solution which doesn't happen often. Also I can't figure out where to assign its own place for an item, so it goes on a table unassigned waiting for my action and I never get around to do it.

Originally Posted by calicokatt

Firstly, you will never get your house clean and in order until you are ready to live that way. It doesn't sound like you are, because you are still making excuses. There is no excuse for living in a disaster, I know this, because I lived in one for 10 years. You couldn't see the floor, or the counters, or even the beds. My heart would race and I would have to fight back vomiting whenever someone would knock on the door, so scared was I that someone would see how we lived.
I came to the realization that we couldn't live this way anymore after I stayed out of the country for a month and a half. I walked in the door after a 24 hour flight with two small children, jet lagged, tired, and suffering from a serious head cold, to my disasterous house. I spent all day cleaning it, and tried to figure out how I could have let this continue for so long. (I was seriously angry that day, and I got angrier with every passing minute)
I have 4 children and a very hairy dog, so we're talking some serious mess. I came to some conclusions that day. I discovered that I AM a lazy person, much as I resented my husband repeatedly telling me so. I also realized that it doesn't matter what size the house is, I've lived in 500 sq feet and 2000 sq feet, and the mess is just bigger when the house is bigger. It doesn't matter how many kids you have, the house was just as messy with one as it was with four. I also realized that it was terribly unfair of me to expect my children to live like this.
My house is clean now. I sweep the wood and tile and vacuum the carpets every day, and vacuum & mop the wood and tile once a week. Every two hours or so I walk through the house and put away everything thats on the floor, and make sure that nothing's out of place. Every evening I do the sweeping/vacuuming, and clean the kitchen. My evening routine takes about an hour. I change sheets once a week, on all four beds, and do laundry most days, but never on the weekend. I spend a total of maybe 2 hours a day on house work, but I always used to think that I would spend all day cleaning if I wanted to live in a clean house. Just another excuse.
I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it is to get up in the morning to a clean house, and make coffee and sit down at the computer with NO GUILT!! I used to always feel guilty because I wasn't cleaning. Not anymore. I have MORE time to spend with the kids, because I"m not wallowing in guilt and depression. When someone knocks on the door, I open it wide and invite them in, I actually enjoy my life now. It's the greatest gift I've ever received, and I had to give it to myself. I am free to enjoy my children, to play, to walk, to do WHATEVER I WANT TO DO! All because I am no longer shackled to the house by guilt.
Please do not think that I am judging you in anyway, because I am not. I cannot imagine a worse mess than the one I forced my family to live in for 10 years. It took a seriously life-changing experience for me to reach these conclusions, and now, I don't know how we could have lived like that for a day, much less 10 years.

Kathy

[Siana]

I did a pretty good decluttering of my small 8'x10' kitchen over the last couple days, and here is what I learned: I kept thinking the kitchen was too small for us, when in fact it's that we had too much stuff for such a small space. Essentially I was living with the dream of having a larger kitchen, and stocking it accordingly, but the reality is so different. A lot of the purged stuff was simply uncessary for our needs. I'm glad DP was onbaord, because we both decided what needed to go, and what could stay. Mind you, I still have more stuff than we need but everything has a home. Now if we keep up with the dishes, I'll be really proud of us :

[quelindo]

I've been reading this thread with interest, since decluttering and getting on track with cleaning has been a goal of mine since DS was born. I just never seemed to be able to get it together, especially since DS was such a clingy baby. But I made a cleaning schedule and a menu plan and I'm doing it! Yay! DS now "helps" me with the cleaning and will (sometimes) play next to me in the kitchen while I prep dinner.

One thing I'm doing to declutter my clothing (closet jammed full of clothes, most of which I never wear) is to do a bit at a time. I turned all the hangers backwards and then when I wear something I decide I like I turn the hanger around. I've been forcing myself to choose things I haven't worn in years or never really wore...a few things I thought, "This is nice, what am I saving this for?" and I vow to wear them regularly. Other things I thought, "This just never fit quite right and it feels awkward to wear it. So even though it was expensive/well made/looks great on the hanger...out it goes!"

It feels good to weed through everything and know I'll end up with a closet full of things I actually wear. I'm also trying to wear skirts and nicer things more often, just because.

[daisymommy]

Kathy~
Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you!!! for sharing your beautiful and motivating testimony with us all. I for one will always remember it, and it will keep me inspired to give my best to my family.

[Pepperdove]

Wow - I never saw this thread before! Now I, too, Am inspired to seriously declutter before it gets any crazier around here.

Am I the only one that is a little sketched out by Craigslist? I don't know, it's creepy to me. Like I am somehow setting my family up for danger by soliciting people to come take my stuff. I'm just real paranoid, though, and I also made the mistake of looking at the personals on there once. eep. I also live in a major urban area, where you sometimes assume the worst of people (unfortunately).

[Bestbirths]

I should give an update on our craigs list experience. The workers saw our blurb on craigslist came over, promising to do all this work in trade for our stuff, then, they never came back. One reason is that for fixing the leaking vent on the roof is dangerous I asked that the trader be a licenced and insured contractor, and that we would exchange home theater installation. Well this guy really wanted dh to do a theater for him. He tried to set up a time to come over and do the work, but when I pressed him for paperwork, he never showed up or called after that. He must not have had insurance. So, then the other guy who wanted to do our hardwood floor in exchange for a projector screen and some high end speakers didn't ever show up either.

Then, dh got worried that they were casing out the house to steal our stuff (we really don't have a lot of stuff that anyone would want to steal). So, in a miracle of huge proportions, dh starts telling me "they aren't coming" and "I'm not going to wait for them", and begins doing the floor himself, and installs the entire wood floor! He begins making the custom closet himself! He fixes the fence! I gathered up enough money to have the floor sanded, stained, and finished. It's beautiful.

Now, dh is fixing broken stuff, about one thing a night. I guess the thought of me begging strangers to come fix our home in trade has got him off his arse.

I do believe I just psyched my dh into fixing the house.

[Pepperdove]

OMG that's awesome! (not the weird craigslist stuff, but DH getting in gear!) I love a man who's fixing up the house. My own DH talks a real good game, and occasionally follows through. When he does... mmm mmm.

[Peppermint Leaf]

:::

[AutumnMama]

I this thread!

[ollineeba]

Thanks for bumping this again..

[Peppermint Leaf]

Your Welcome.

I read recently that for those of us that are struggling with this ...... We are most likely "Overwhelmed by Visual CLutter" .

This is very true for me. If your mind works this way it may be easier to scoop everything up and put into baskets or boxes etc... and then your room is clear .. then begin dealing with one box at a time.

I even keep all my books inside a closet on shelves because of the Visual Clutter.

Hope this helps