Depressed over messy, cluttered, ugly house!! Help? - Page 12

[Five of Us]

If your mind works this way it may be easier to scoop everything up and put into baskets or boxes etc... and then your room is clear .. then begin dealing with one box at a time.

My dh does this and I can never find my stuff!! I hate that, but I agree it feels good to see a clean desk, and I am forced to clean out each box. The box sits around for like a month, and when I clean it out, we find long-lost treasures!

I podcast a favorite show and listen on my ipod while cleaning for the amount of time of the show - usually 1/2 hr. Makes me feel I am accomplishing more than one thing at a time. Also the time goes faster.

[MommyDOK]

Originally Posted by Decluttering Nut

Your Welcome.

I read recently that for those of us that are struggling with this ...... We are most likely "Overwhelmed by Visual CLutter" .

This is very true for me. If your mind works this way it may be easier to scoop everything up and put into baskets or boxes etc... and then your room is clear .. then begin dealing with one box at a time.

I even keep all my books inside a closet on shelves because of the Visual Clutter.

Hope this helps

Was there supposed to be a link for visual clutter? It wouldn't work for me. thanks

[APBTlover]

This is EXACTLY what I needed, and I've read it all the way through today.

...AND got some noticeable cleaning done.

[ebcrazymom]

I filled a bag of stuff yesterday that has things that I kept telling myself I might need. Only one small bag....
It is still sitting there waiting to go to goodwill. But, I have thought of it all day at work. It makes me happy that it isn't on the floor where it used to be.

But it seems like for every 5 bags I take out, somebody gives me more handmedowns and they just take the empty place. And of course they are useful items so It would be stupid to get rid of them.

anyway.... My house has been a complete tornado of a wreck for the past 8 years. Since my twins were born. It was like before them I could handle it and even when they were babies it was cleaner than now. But now, not so much. I don't know if it is the lack of energy after working 60 hours a week or lack of time, due to being pulled in 50 different directions. Moommm, help me with my homework.. Honey, come watch tv with me I haven't seen you all day... Needing to take a shower or go to church or whatever.... It is so overwhelming. To much Crap...IT is taking over.... That is what it is, crap, clutter.

IT is pretty much like I have triplets, the older child was only 1 when I had the twins. So my life has been nuts for a while and even when I was a SAHM, I couldn't keep up. I felt like everything was being sucked out of me. Now, working, it is much harder. I just simply have no time or energy left. So lazy? No.. not really. Stretched to thin?? Yes..for sure.
I am like so many of you. When someone knocks on my door, I either hide or step outside all the while with my heart beating a mile a minute. I am sick of it. How do you fix this problem? Any tips or suggestions? I don't know what else to do.

[rachelagain]

I just have to say "thanks" for bumping this thread-- it is just what I needed!!!
And Calicokatt-- thank you for your post.
For me, it is lazy-ness... there are so many other things I would rather fill my time with.
I used to do Flylady and stopped-- wish I hadn't, because it worked and I had had a clean house for a few years- I liked it.
I am doing the 2008 in 2008 now and it's taken me 4 days to read this thread- I read a little, then purge. It feels so good!!

[ebcrazymom]

Last night I cleaned a section, a very small section of my bedroom. And took out two bags (large black bags) full of trash and 2 full of goodwill. I can see the floor and it felt so nice. It took me 2 hours. i had no mercy. Everything went. I was drop dead tired at the end but hey it was worth it. It is always amazing how many bags I can fill up. Where in the world does it all come from?

[ramlita]

Good for you!!

I just took two big boxes to my local thrift store- and came home with a small bag of new stuff : At least it's affordable retail therapy
(and I found a pair of shoes that fit like a glove- rare and wonderful )
Those two boxes had been piled on top of other random stuff in the hallway for so long, the space they left is breathtaking.
I'm gonna go work on the rest of the pile

Thanks again for the bump.
Winter is such an easy time to feel like the walls are closing in.

[MommyErin]

Originally Posted by ramlita

and came home with a small bag of new stuff : At least it's affordable retail therapy

Absolutely. Just came from Vinnie's myself. But, something's gotta go to replace the something coming in. Off to find that something ...

[mrspineau]

I used to live like that. I had so much clutter, so much mess, hated having anyone over. We have to sort garbage where I live, and I hated to sort it, so I would just pile it all together in bags and throw the bags into the garage to be "dealt with later". I would sit and watch tv and sulk about how much work I had to do. My husband wondered what I did all day. I felt abnormal, like I was a freak or something. I could not figure out how people kept their houses so freakin clean! Especially their kitchens and bathrooms. All of my drawers and cupboards were stuffed with junk that needed to be sorted through. My laundry was all over the floor, dirty and clean.

I dont know how or when it happened, but one day I just said "enough". I could either sit on the couch and feel terrible about it or I could get up off of my butt and change it. I took about four days, and just cleaned straight through. I ordered a dumpster, (because with a dumpster you dont have to sort the garbage and you can throw ANYTHING into it) and just went on a tossing spree. If I didn't use it within the last six months, I pitched it out. It was the most amazing feeling. I just went room by room and got rid of anything in the rooms that I didn't want or need anymore. Then I decluttered. I grouped similar things together, put them into different types of containers, and found homes for everything. Then, once everything was put away and tidied, I cleaned like I had never cleaned before.

Now I have a schedule that I follow every single day. I have a morning routine and a bedtime routine, so that the daily tasks are done. Then each day I do a different area of my house. I call them "zones" and have a calendar where I write down which zone I am going to do each day. That way, each room gets thoroghly cleaned each week. It has totally changed my life. I cannot begin to tell you how freeing it is. I never feel overwhelmed with work, because I just do a little bit each day. I am proud of my home now, and how clean and organized it is.

I think that this thread is a wonderful one - sometimes we need to hear that we are not the only ones going through something - and sometimes we need to hear that we can change it.

[Angela512]

I didn't read all of the responses. But, I have to say that we live in a fairly large house and it was cluttered all the time, as well.

I finally got depressed enough to get enough energy (strange how that works) to go room by room and declutter it. It helps when you have a friend or two (who have no attachment to anything in your home). You go through each room with two storage containers, and a garbage bag. Label one "give away", one "put away (storage)" and the garbage bag is "throw away". As you go through the house, you put things in their right place a the first "thought" of it you have (you get 5 seconds to make up your mind...or your friend will make it up for you. ). So, if you pick up a sippy cup that no one really uses and it kind of leaks, it goes into the garbage bag. If you find old bills, credit card offers, etc...those go into a box to be shredded (never throw them out in their full size). Toys that the older child grew out of but is too big for the younger kids goes into the storage box (unless it's broken/missing parts then it's garbage). Start in the room that affects you the most (ours was the living room). Once you get the living room cleaned, you move onto the next room. One thing I did with stuff that was going to be given away, is I transfered it all to a big cardboard box and put it at the end of my driveway with huge FREE STUFF sign on it. You'd be amazed at how fast it goes. Whatever was left over, I would either take to a local charity place or toss.

Don't get into the "I'll ebay it" mind set unless you will actually take pics of everything, write descriptions and put it up on the site.

I found it was easier to just post on Craigs List a whole lot of stuff for sale...come look and offer me a fair price worked better.

I did do a garage sale in the summer. Got rid of a ton of stuff for a few hundred dollars. That was nice...but do not hold onto things for months planning to do a garage sale. If you aren't going to do a garage sale within a weekend or so, give it away or something.

I know that it's depressing...but one thing I'm learning (and teaching) is that nothing gets put down unless it's in its rightful place. So, car keys and mail don't get set on the kitchen counter...keys go into the key holder box and the mail get sorted immediately (junk mail goes into the recycling, personal mail that is not needed gets shredded right there and the rest go onto my desk in my inbox for being paid). Encourage your children to pick up by singing clean up songs and making it a fun game. That's how I get my daughter to clean up. "If you finish picking up your toys before I finish doing dishes, I'll (read you an extra story tonight, let you stay an extra 10 minutes in the bath, whatever)." Don't offer money or food though.

Hang in there and know that there is a way out and it's hard maintaining the cleanliness at first...but as things become habit...you'll notice that your house stays cleaner and cleaner.

(((hugs)))

[agholmes]

decluttering and guilt

I have been enjoying this post and readying myself for a major decluttering, fueled by the prospect of moving soon. I am curious about what you do with the guilt that comes up with removing so much stuff. I find that a lot of what impedes my progress is my desire to recycle and reuse whatever I can (I am the type to save every scrap of fabric and paper that might someday be useful in some way). Couple that with my sentimental attachments and our various hobbies/collections, and we are swimming in it!

For example, I have a vacuum with a burned out motor. I took it to the shop to be repaired, but was told that it would cost as much as purchasing a new vacuum (thank you, big business for effectively manufacturing obsolescence). So I have hung on to it because I don't know the best way to dispose of it. I can't bear the thought of sending it to the landfill.

And what to do with all my children's artwork? I have taken to putting dates on the best pieces to save and taking digital pictures of the others that go out, but the pile is growing and I don't know how to store them. My husband likes to save every birthday card he and the children get, and I like to save Christmas cards for the kids to cut up and use for crafts.

The accessories that accompany my sewing, knitting, painting, soap making and other hobbies could fill a small garage, not to mention the many bookshelves overflowing with books (with several boxes of books not even on the shelves) and my husband's extensive record collection. Some of these things just don't seem to be an option to pare down. I would be happy to have fewer books, contented as I am by the library, but to my husband, it is some sort of sacrilege to do away with a perfectly good book, even if it is an airport paperback. And I wouldn't even know the responsible way to part with some of the books, like old college texts that are out of date. Where do old books go?

I appreciate all the sharing and listening here. Thanks for putting it all out here to help the rest of us feel a little more normal in all this mess.

amanda

[Crayfish]

Re souvenirs and sentimental things, there was a quote in _It's All Too Much_ that I thought was very effective. One of the author's clients explained that a room stuffed full of scrapbooking materials is "where I scrapbook and, well, Cooper's supposed to play in here, but he's always in the kitchen or the hall." The author's response was, "I see. So what you're telling me is that hoarding photos for Cooper's future is more important to you than giving him room to play today?"

They're cruel sounding words, but I think that they do a good job of pointing out that _experiencing_ life is more important than keeping souvenirs of it. Your kids won't grow up with fond memories of how plentifully your shelves and closets were filled; they'll grow up with memories of the activities that they have room to engage in and the times that you spend together, preferably in a comfortable and graceful home.

I didn't grow up in a graceful home. This wasn't altogether about clutter - it was partly clutter and partly my parents' indifference to their surroundings. My parents got an adequate home, they plopped adequate furniture and fittings in it, they kept it clean enough for decent health, and they kept a lot of souvenirs and other clutter. As things got old, grubby, shabby, and sad, they stayed that way until they ceased to be functional, and then they were replaced with similar adequately functional things. They were never freshened with so much as a new throw pillow, bright chair cover, curtain, can of paint, or vase of flowers. My parents adored us kids. They were great parents in the other ways. But while they kept every photo they ever took of their kids, everything that they could possibly classify as a souvenir of us, they never really made a home. Maybe they didn't know how to make anything other than an adequate functional shelter

After a long, long time reading a zillion books and forum posts about clutter, and endless getting rid of stuff, my SO and I finally have a home, not just a shelter. For full disclosure, I should note that it's our second home, our vacation/future-retirement home, and our first home is still cluttered. But now that I'm experiencing a home in the second place, a graceful, bright, happy little space and not just a roof and a bunch of storage rooms that happen to contain furniture, I'm never, ever going back.

And I'm finding more and more, every day, that a huge part of keeping this home a home is Not Having Stuff. There are some hobbies that I _simply cannot have_ if I want to keep this home that welcomes me and warms me and makes me happy every time I wake up. And that's fine. It's worth it. We have to keep our clothes, bedding, kitchen stuff, gardening stuff, souvenirs, paperwork, darn near everything under strict control. We had to pick priorities for what we keep plenty of, and we picked books and a certain amount of A/V and computer stuff. We remodeled with these priorities in mind, and everything else has to confine itself to its space. Our home is for _us_ (us us us!), not our stuff.

Crayfish

[marieangela]

We seem to have rather similar personalities, agholmes. I hang on to things when I'm not sure of the best way to get rid of them, too. I never have gotten straight just what bills to shred and which ones to keep for a few years or however long, so I keep them all. I've got a big plastic storage container of children's artwork in my basement. Much of it, I'm sure they really don't care that much about at all and just slapped onto the paper in preschool or somesuch.
As I sit at my computer desk, I see old and new phone books, bills to be paid, disorganized piles of bills that have been paid, a stack of old records (our record player isn't working currently), miscellaneous digital camera accessories, envelopes, photo paper, printer, odd cds and dvrs and unidentified papers. These are all on three shelves and I can close the doors when people come over, but I really don't like to see it while I'm on the computer. But cleaning it means all the time sorting out the paid bills that I'll keep probably for no reason, finding a new home for records that we haven't touched in ages and just generally organizing. What I need to do is just do it, but then I think of the bedroom door that needs to be painted (dog scratched the paint), tackling the paper mess on the kitchen counter, clearing out the attic so we can actually use some of the space for living purposes, blah, blah. I would love it if I could get someone in here to tell me to things one little bit at a time, start with this and then do that, etc. I tell myself these things, but they just don't happen. I know I'm full of excuses, but I'm not sure how to get away from that. My two year old really does wreck things faster than I get things done if I'm not paying full attention to him, etc. Sorry to ramble. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm goign to tackle the paid bills right now and see how long it takes until one of my boys comes crying to me that the other hurt him.

[sabrinat]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

I used to live like that. I had so much clutter, so much mess, hated having anyone over. We have to sort garbage where I live, and I hated to sort it, so I would just pile it all together in bags and throw the bags into the garage to be "dealt with later". I would sit and watch tv and sulk about how much work I had to do. My husband wondered what I did all day. I felt abnormal, like I was a freak or something. I could not figure out how people kept their houses so freakin clean! Especially their kitchens and bathrooms. All of my drawers and cupboards were stuffed with junk that needed to be sorted through. My laundry was all over the floor, dirty and clean.

I dont know how or when it happened, but one day I just said "enough". I could either sit on the couch and feel terrible about it or I could get up off of my butt and change it. I took about four days, and just cleaned straight through. I ordered a dumpster, (because with a dumpster you dont have to sort the garbage and you can throw ANYTHING into it) and just went on a tossing spree. If I didn't use it within the last six months, I pitched it out. It was the most amazing feeling. I just went room by room and got rid of anything in the rooms that I didn't want or need anymore. Then I decluttered. I grouped similar things together, put them into different types of containers, and found homes for everything. Then, once everything was put away and tidied, I cleaned like I had never cleaned before.

Now I have a schedule that I follow every single day. I have a morning routine and a bedtime routine, so that the daily tasks are done. Then each day I do a different area of my house. I call them "zones" and have a calendar where I write down which zone I am going to do each day. That way, each room gets thoroghly cleaned each week. It has totally changed my life. I cannot begin to tell you how freeing it is. I never feel overwhelmed with work, because I just do a little bit each day. I am proud of my home now, and how clean and organized it is.

I think that this thread is a wonderful one - sometimes we need to hear that we are not the only ones going through something - and sometimes we need to hear that we can change it.

How did you find the dumpster? I really want to do that to our garage. It's crazy. I've been freecycling...but I know I need to get serious and just DO IT!

[Blucactus]

this thread. as someone who naturally defaults at messy& a dh who doesn't care bc he's even messier than me...i am just starting to get the guts to try to change. (mainly starting w/getting rid of Stuff)
hbak

[WhoNeedsSleep?]

This thread has really helped me get my butt in gear. A friend came over and helped me after the boys were in bed. We made some major headway on the living room. We got a chair out of here, maazines to go to the kidney foundation (they're doing a pick up on Tuesday) and some toys to go there as well. I had already set aside bags and bags of clothes to go. They are sitting in front of the back door. We don't use it. This performs 3 functions. It motivates me, it gets all of the stuff in one place, and it blocks the awful draft coming through that door until I can figure out how else to get rid of the draft.

[ramlita]

agholmes,
as I read your post, I actually paused in the middle to double-check that I hadn't written it myself months ago and forgotten!!

Books and music are huge themes around here, too.
And that environmentalist waste-not guilt that slows things down.

After a while, though, is it really worth fretting over what happens to the vacuum cleaner once it's gone? Especially when you move? Are you going to have a big box on the moving truck labeled "useless vacuum cleaner"?

Out here in the sticks, if you have something that's mostly metal, you throw it on the metal pile at the transfer station. There must be some sort of equivalent where you are. Or FreeCycle might help you find some suckers... I mean... uh... helpers to take stuff off your hands. There's a guy in my town who fixes old lawnmowers, no matter what shape they're in. He gets them working again and sells them cheap. Maybe there's a vacuum wizard near you?

We had a big pile of drywall scraps leaning against a wall in our living room for years! We used some of it over time for our various projects, but there was more there than we'd ever need. Someone posted on FreeCycle that he needed materials to build a model train world, I responded, and he happily came and carted away the entire pile. (which would have been landfilled and cost us $$ to put it there) That was a beautiful day

And crafting stuff and preschool art- sometimes you have to sit down and think, What is really special here? And what could go into this huge garbage bag and get recycled with paper or textile recycling?

I just got rid of about six pairs of DH's Carharrt pants with ripped crotches. Someday, someday I was going to use them to patch each other to end up with a couple of pairs of intact pants for him. Even though my little machine struggles with the heavy canvas and I have no actual interest in making more raggedy-looking Frankenstein clothes for him to wear in public : It was very freeing to toss that bag out the door

I've had a bunch of old boxes of random junk at my mom's house for years, and I'm bringing them home in batches, tripping over them for weeks, and then going through them. I'm finding wads of used paper I'd saved for scrap paper. For eight and ten and twelve years. My kids are using them now for art, but man... As if life won't constantly provide more scrap paper for the future.

As for books, I find that if I have an empty cardboard box, I can poke around and fill it up with give-away books pretty quickly. Fundraiser book sales a fairly common around here, and I try to always have some books ready to donate whenever our town library's sale happens each summer. Some places will take old textbooks, but if nobody will? They can be recycled. And you won't have to cart them around any more. And it will be okay.
To find book sales/places to donate... should I post this link? or is it dangerous for this group of frugal, pack rat, always-learning mamas? It has certainly helped me fuel my habit of bringing home as many books as I can carry... Oh well, we're all adults here.
To find book sales in your area:
http://www.booksalefinder.com/index.html
(click on your state on the map)

Love this thread. It speaks to me.
Commiseration and Get to Work, ram! rolled together into one.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by Kincaid

We are two adults and a toddler in a tiny small home as well (and it's over 100 years old, so no closet space!). I look at a small home as EASIER to maintain but you have to pare it down to only what you use, and have a spot for everything. You can't have old tupperware and pyrex bowls and extra skillets under the sink taking up space that you don't use, you just can't. You can't collect back issues of magazines. You can't have a collection of blankets, or rarely used sports equipment. I promise you there is room for what you really need!!!

Imagine those display rooms at Ikea. They are tiny. They have everything to live comfortably and happily. It's not about how much space you have, it's about holding on to stuff. You gotta let that go. I can hear you are holding on because you talk about the future. The future is never going to give me enough time to use all those linen tablecloths I inherited from my grandmother, the extra sets of china, all the old magazines. The stack of blankets I hold onto because "blankets are practical, we need blankets". Uh, no. We need one blanket, get rid of the rest. We don't need all those unmatched plates and cups - we only need FOUR and we keep them washed. Whew, does that make it easier. We definately don't need clothes we don't wear often. Don't need old medications in the cabinets for just in case DS gets a cold or diaahhrea.... first, if it's cluttered you will never find the stuff in the cabinet. Second, how much is your storage space worth to you? Are you cluttering a cabinet with $4 half empty pepto bismol bottle and a half empty bottle of $4 conditioner you tried and didn't like? It's ok to get rid of stuff. Really.

If you are a planner, make an inventory of each room's contents - everything. Then go down the list and circle what you would take "if you were going to move into one of those tiny furnished Ikea rooms".

This doesn't have to be sad. Your small house is a good house. It has the potential to be small and happy and cheerful and everything you need in the world, it really does. It IS enough! You just have to fit it with only what you need and let go of the rest. The "work" of clearing stuff out is not hard. Pitch it in a bag, take it to the curb, call Goodwill. The hard part is the mental part of letting go. It's not your house, it's letting go that is the problem.

When your house is de-cluttered and rooms are so easy to walk through and you only have 4 plates to wash (I am serious) then you can think about taking a small bucket of paint and painting just one wall, in orange! Or purple. You have room to do whatever you want.

It really is possible to get rid of your clutter in a weekend. You just work your way from room to room and get rid of it. The problem is when you aren't willing to let go of stuff and you say you have to "store them" (like that extra iron you might need, in case your new one breaks or whatever). Shifting piles of stored clutter is no fun and of course you feel like you don't accomplish anything.

Boy do you have my number! This is an awesome post!

[wish]

I love this thread and am slowly making my way through reading the whole thing. I just wanted to share what has helped me a little.

-First, I like to wear an apron when I'm cleaning, it just seems to help the mood a little bit.

-I love to shop, so to help me not get attached to things I try to think of them in terms of resale value. Like when I get my dds clothes, I think they are cute and know buying them that when we are done using them they are going to ebay!

-I try and look around at the space I already have and realize I have more space than I think I do to put stuff away. Right now I have a whole bottom shelf of a bookcase that just needs to be decluttered and I could actually put things away (instead of having those books in a pile in the other room)! Or clean out a shelf and all of a sudden I have more room to put blankets, so they are off the floor in my room.

-try to pick something up off the floor the first time I see it instead of walking by it a 100 times and just looking at it (am I the only one who does this??)
-using Motivated Moms, it has really helped me from feeling overwhelmed. And I love checking things off, what a sense of accomplishment! If I look around and start to get worried that the rest is messy, I just remember it's on the list for later in the week.

Thanks for all the idea from everyone, the thread has totally helped me!

[Peppermint Leaf]

Originally Posted by Kincaid http://www.mothering.com/discussions...s/viewpost.gif
We are two adults and a toddler in a tiny small home as well (and it's over 100 years old, so no closet space!). I look at a small home as EASIER to maintain but you have to pare it down to only what you use, and have a spot for everything. You can't have old tupperware and pyrex bowls and extra skillets under the sink taking up space that you don't use, you just can't. You can't collect back issues of magazines. You can't have a collection of blankets, or rarely used sports equipment. I promise you there is room for what you really need!!!

Imagine those display rooms at Ikea. They are tiny. They have everything to live comfortably and happily. It's not about how much space you have, it's about holding on to stuff. You gotta let that go. I can hear you are holding on because you talk about the future. The future is never going to give me enough time to use all those linen tablecloths I inherited from my grandmother, the extra sets of china, all the old magazines. The stack of blankets I hold onto because "blankets are practical, we need blankets". Uh, no. We need one blanket, get rid of the rest. We don't need all those unmatched plates and cups - we only need FOUR and we keep them washed. Whew, does that make it easier. We definately don't need clothes we don't wear often. Don't need old medications in the cabinets for just in case DS gets a cold or diaahhrea.... first, if it's cluttered you will never find the stuff in the cabinet. Second, how much is your storage space worth to you? Are you cluttering a cabinet with $4 half empty pepto bismol bottle and a half empty bottle of $4 conditioner you tried and didn't like? It's ok to get rid of stuff. Really.

If you are a planner, make an inventory of each room's contents - everything. Then go down the list and circle what you would take "if you were going to move into one of those tiny furnished Ikea rooms".

This doesn't have to be sad. Your small house is a good house. It has the potential to be small and happy and cheerful and everything you need in the world, it really does. It IS enough! You just have to fit it with only what you need and let go of the rest. The "work" of clearing stuff out is not hard. Pitch it in a bag, take it to the curb, call Goodwill. The hard part is the mental part of letting go. It's not your house, it's letting go that is the problem.

When your house is de-cluttered and rooms are so easy to walk through and you only have 4 plates to wash (I am serious) then you can think about taking a small bucket of paint and painting just one wall, in orange! Or purple. You have room to do whatever you want.

It really is possible to get rid of your clutter in a weekend. You just work your way from room to room and get rid of it. The problem is when you aren't willing to let go of stuff and you say you have to "store them" (like that extra iron you might need, in case your new one breaks or whatever). Shifting piles of stored clutter is no fun and of course you feel like you don't accomplish anything.

_________________

This is so well written == thank you for posting it!! :
Its only recently that the "Light went on" and I have been able to "Give myself permission to let go of my stuff". It really is okay!

As this poster has said -- I too have been shifting piles of "stuff" .. and buying organizing containers for "stuff" that we never use but might need some day.

Its very liberating to let go ... and see the "stuff" go out the door and out of my life~~.