Depressed over messy, cluttered, ugly house!! Help? - Page 3

[broodymama]

Originally Posted by doolittle

the jist of a really big, yet regular arguement that i have with dh is "does anyone else have to live like this?"

YES YES YES, I live like this! I'm not saying I like it, just saying it is a fact. At least for now, I'm working hard on changing it. I don't want my DS to grow up thinking this is the norm.

I didn't grow up this way, my mother kept a very clean house. Unfortunately she never taught me to clean. We discussed this recently and she said she just thought that I would automatically know, because she when she was little she always knew how to clean. Nope, not me. It doesn't come natural at all. I share the messy gene with my dad.

[BennyPai]

:
Thank-you, all who have posted here.

My house needs help. I've let myself become overwhelmed since I was pregnant with dd2. She is now 5 mos and dd1 is 2yrs. It's past time for me to take control of the situation instead of sinking in depression.

I have always had a difficult time with cleaning. And my mother was good at it. She liked to do everything herself, though. It was very mysterious to me. (ie: I would set down a glass, go to the bathroom, and it would be gone when I returned - clean and dripping dry beside the kitchen sink). With five dds, I guess she felt she needed to do things that way...

I am going to try to take control of my house. This thread has been an inspiration.

[ramlita]

Originally Posted by BennyPai

This thread has been an inspiration.

[chanibell]

My mom was a clean freak growing up. We just cleaned a little bit everyday.This really helps. I hate clutter as well. If its something that I don't want to dust..I get rid of it! We are such packrats in this country. I do a lot of ebay sells if I feel that I can get a buck for it. My advice is to see if you can live without all of those toys your kids have or just keep a few. Is there a way you can build some shelves in your home? In our office,my dh built some shelves in the closet and that has cleared up a lot of space. I love to hear some of the ways people utilize space if they have it that is. I Understand that no everyone lives in a large place,but there are ways to save space. Using things that double as other things.
Hope it works out for you.

[Cullens_Girl]

This thread rocks! Glad to know that I'm not the only clutter-bug. And glad to know that support is here when I need it!

[mrsalf97]

I'm so glad I found this thread.

[broodymama]

Well, my upstairs is decent, now I just have to get started on the downstairs. I'm doing it in 15 minute increments, that way I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not the type that can just push straight through.

[Adamsmama]

I just want to subscribe to this thread. You ladies are wonderful--this info is great!

[beanma]

great thread. it is inspirational. dh and i both tend to get overwhelmed and the kids do make a beeeeg mess. i am better than i was before kids in some small ways, but worse in others.

i can identify with what calicokatt was saying about depression and guilt hanging over you. i have an issue with the guilt, though, and it's kinda weird. i wonder if anybody can relate. it's like a little voice is whispering in one ear, "you really SHOULD get off the computer and pick things up," and another little voice is whispering in the ther ear, "i don't have to if i don't want to. it's my house. nobody's gonna make me and if people don't like it they can just deal with it." i'm sooooooo conflicted. i KNOW i like it better when i've gotten a burst of cleaning energy and the place looks half decent (never martha stewart), but hearing that "SHOULD" in my head just makes me wanna don my leather jacket and boots and punk out and be a rebel. isn't that adolescent? i can recognize it and at times get past it, but it's insidious and creeps back up on me. it's why flylady does NOT work for me. i feel like she's telling me what to do and i want to rebel and be 14 and sulk in my room or watch teevee all day (not that we usu watch that much tv).

my dd1 is not a picker-upper either and she hates to be reminded to do it (wonder where she gets that from, huh?). i feel like i need some tips to help me help her and help myself.

all those confessions aside, i did spend 30 minutes picking up the disaster area basement playroom. my dds are little artists and quite prolific with the paper creations. 'course there was all this little pinata cr@p from dd1's b-day party last month down there, too. i got a lot of it dealt with, but had to stop when dd2 needed me. she's on day 3 of a pukey bug, but has only tossed her cookies twice today so i'm optimistic that she'll be up to snuff tomorrow and i can do a little more cleaning while dh is here. 'course i might have to get out of the house to save my sanity -- been stuck inside since wed. i digress (and make excuses... )

thanks for the inspiration!

[whimsy]

t's like a little voice is whispering in one ear, "you really SHOULD get off the computer and pick things up," and another little voice is whispering in the ther ear, "i don't have to if i don't want to. it's my house. nobody's gonna make me and if people don't like it they can just deal with it." i'm sooooooo conflicted. i KNOW i like it better when i've gotten a burst of cleaning energy and the place looks half decent (never martha stewart), but hearing that "SHOULD" in my head just makes me wanna don my leather jacket and boots and punk out and be a rebel. isn't that adolescent? i can recognize it and at times get past it, but it's insidious and creeps back up on me. it's why flylady does NOT work for me. i feel like she's telling me what to do and i want to rebel and be 14 and sulk in my room or watch teevee all day (not that we usu watch that much tv)

Yep, that's what goes on in my head too!

[beanma]

Originally Posted by whimsy

Yep, that's what goes on in my head too!

glad somebody can share my dementia!

[clane]

Originally Posted by AuntLavender

and I finally gave away the china my MIL gave me (it was hers and not fancy or anything more like an extra set of dishes) because I got tired of moving it and we never ever used it ever! LOL!

Why can't I bring myself to do this?! I have a set of china (wedding gift) from 14yrs ago that has never been used, just displayed in china cab. I am starting to clean out clothes from my WOHM days, but even haviing trouble with that. I wish I knew of a charity I truly loved to give stuff to...

[anathea]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

I've got at least 4 huge plastic storage containers of kid's clothes, and my oldest is only 4.5yo. 2 or 3 of those are clothes that ds2 has already outgrown. I have gotten rid of so much stuff, but still hang on to way too much purely for sentimental reasons. I gave away an outfit that both kids wore just a few weeks ago and practically started tearing up a few days later. It's not like I don't have 3 boxes of outfits both kids wore, but parting with just one was horrible. But I am sooooo tired of shopping bags full of outgrown clothes all over my house.

Sorry if this is sort of OT, but it's also sort of relevant! This has been a big deal to me, and there were piles of cute little clothes I just COULD NOT get rid of, give to new mamas, or, even with some of the stuff, get used to the idea of passing on to my NEW dd! So, I made a quilt!

This is another one of those things that "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly/wrong" applies to. I am NOT crafty! I did not have a pattern or a book or anything. I have a sewing machine, and I took my kitchen scissors and cut all those little clothes (even though it KILLED me at first! It's worth it tho...) into approximately 6 inch squares, and sewed them all together. It's cool, you can include the best details of the clothes, buttons/embroidery/whatever, and it ends up being very cool and representative of your DCs early weeks/months/years. I didn't even bother with a batting, I just got enough flannel for the back and stitched it inside out all the way around and turned it right side and stiched closed the top. Then, you could either just stitch a big X from corner to corner, or if you're feeling ambitious, you could run it up & down the lines that the squares make. And, viola! Cool keepsake, something you and your kids can enjoy, AND gets rid of all those bags/boxes/tupperwares full of clothes you just can't part with.

Plus, it's lots easier to pitch all of the scraps!

[nancyw]

I also realized that it was terribly unfair of me to expect my children to live like this.

what an inspiration this thread is, and especially the above entire post by clicokatt.....(that particular thought has been the one thought of mine that keeps me--and gets me--going at times.

I will be reading this whole thread word by word and commiting it to memory tonight!

thank you to all who have posted!

: :

[It's me!]

Interesting quilt idea...I don't think I could cut up the clothes...my Mother would point out that my Brother and SIL could use them. It has been easier for me to give up stuff now that I have a niece to give the girl stuff to. I'm also expecting what I'm assuming will be my last child (boy) so I think it will be easier to give stuff away now because I'm not saving for the next one. I also have a home day care, so toys were like -- well my kids don't use this but I may get a baby in day care...I'm quitting day care with this child too, so that won't be an excuse anymore. SOmething else I have trouble with is getting rid of toys because "I know the rest of it is here somewhere" I find a toy...nobody plays with it, it needs to go. Well I don't want to trash it becuse I know the rest of it's here and it's a great toy...so I stash it until the other pieces show up..but when I do find more, I can't remember where I stashed the original or somebody has gotten it back out and it's mixed in again! LOL I'm getting better, but it's still hard.

I'm glad this is still going. I haven't been on this thread since it started, but I needed it again. I'm going to go do something now! LOL

Crista

[fek&fuzz]

I live by myself and often find myself vegging in front of the TV thinking that I should be cleaning. So I just make a rule that I need to pick one TV show (so that I can't flip channels at the commercials) and when there is a comm. break I have to clean until the commercial is over. I figured out I can get about 10 dishes done in that time, or go upstairs, get the laundry and put it in the machine (you can fold while you watch), during the break. It's a painless way to get my chores done.

This thread is great. I have found that when my sink is clear, and the clutter is gone I feel so much more at peace. My boyfriend's house is cluttered bordering on mental and I think it is the cause of (as well as caused by) some of his depression and anxiety.

[Kincaid]

Originally Posted by clane

I am starting to clean out clothes from my WOHM days, but even haviing trouble with that. I wish I knew of a charity I truly loved to give stuff to...

Can you "adopt" a buddy? Post here on MDC in the tribal areas, on Craigslist, or Freecycle, at your church, etc... find someone to befriend to give stuff to. Mommy clothes, baby clothes, gear, etc.

It really helps me a LOT to have someone in mind that I can see benefitting from my deculttering. (Otherwise I save box after box of baby clothes because of feeling attached, and also guilt for how much they cost at Hannah or Gap). A real life "buddy" who I take a packed box of items to, this makes it so much easier. I am now really motivated to part with things because it makes someone else happy.

Taking stuff to Goodwill doesn't work the same pyschologically. I have to have someone in real life that I can share with, in order for me to let go of things that I am emotionally attached to (like baby's stuff).

[clane]

Thank you for suggestions. i would do more ffs posts, but its hard to juggle kids, packages etc in line at thr post office. i really like the adopt a buddy idea. thanks again.

nak, please excuse typos.

[oceanbaby]

SOmething else I have trouble with is getting rid of toys because "I know the rest of it is here somewhere" I find a toy...nobody plays with it, it needs to go. Well I don't want to trash it becuse I know the rest of it's here and it's a great toy...so I stash it until the other pieces show up..but when I do find more, I can't remember where I stashed the original or somebody has gotten it back out and it's mixed in again!

OMG, this is exactly what happens here. I even went so far as to have a special bin that was for all the random pieces of toys that I would find, thinking that if they were all in one place that they would someday get reunited with their mates, but then the kids got into the bin and now those pieces are spread all over the house. But it just kills me to throw away a puzzle that is missing two pieces, because I KNOW that I am going to find those two pieces when I finally clean out the playroom.

[obiandelismom]

"it's like a little voice is whispering in one ear, "you really SHOULD get off the computer and pick things up," and another little voice is whispering in the ther ear, "i don't have to if i don't want to. it's my house. nobody's gonna make me and if people don't like it they can just deal with it."

OH YEAH. Totally know what you're talking about. I had a chore chart that I stuck with SO well for a while, and then it was like I needed to show the CHORE CHART who was boss! WTH?

I wish I would just grow up already!