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Poly Families - Page 8

post #141 of 1038
3/27/07 at 1:40am
Names: I constantly call DP1 by someone else's name when I'm sleepy. He's learned to laugh at me...

Drama: What a shame...

Good news: My family is moving in together next month! 4 adults, 2 kids and 2 cats all in one house. (We are all still in shock... but excited...) Wish us luck! I can't stop bouncing... hehehe....
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post #142 of 1038
3/27/07 at 11:14pm
Good luck! I am feeling a little down because my and DH's significant other couple has put in for a transfer back to TX. They are having a hard time down here finacially. I love them and want what's best for them, but I still secretly kind of feel like''what about me?'' KWIM?
post #143 of 1038
4/1/07 at 4:05pm
I haven't read through everything here quite yet, as I was just directed to this thread after I posted something in the tribe forum. I am so excited to have found it, though. :-)

I (and my husband) are in a polyfidelitous relationship for, gosh, well, it's been almost 8 years since Anna and Jim moved in, although we've been together for longer than that. It just made since when Anna was pregnant with our son that "our" family and "their" family joined together, and 8 years and three MORE children later, we haven't looked back. We coparent, co-sleep, and, we are VERY joyfully co-breastfeeding our two youngest (they're about a month and a half apart).

As I put in my tribe post, my biggest problem is with my mil. While she was never "comfortable" with the idea of all of us living together as a family, she begrudgingly "dealt" with it. However, lately, she's just becoming downright rude and hostile toward us (the adults). Whenever I've taken the children to visit or she comes here (she lives about 20 minutes away), she won't even acknowledge my partners, is (according to the kids) telling the kids how "wrong" our lifestyle is, how it'll never work out, etc. It's really beginning to upset not only me (I could deal with me being upset), but the kids are getting upset as well. Jayse (7) told me Gram said I'm going to hell and that he'll never get to see me again! Why in the world would you tell a SEVEN year old that? I tried to say, "Well, Gram has different ideas about what's right and wrong, and sometimes Gram speaks before she thinks, but you know I would never leave you, and I'm pretty happy with how are family is, and I think what we're doing is right for all of us." But, really, I was flabbergasted and didn't know what else to say.

I don't want to keep the kids from their grandparents (and they're very attached to her...she sees them at least once a week, generally), but, at this point, it almost seems cruel to let them see her if she's filling their heads with this stuff. Thoughts? Ideas?
post #144 of 1038
4/1/07 at 7:32pm
I can only speak for myself, but if it were me, I would tell her that if you ever heard any comments like that again, especialy said to the kids, she could forget about seeing them. I understand attachment, but IMO, telling kids that Mama is going to hell is emotional abuse.:
post #145 of 1038
4/2/07 at 4:41pm
i still cant figure out how poly people find each other

apparently the only place in new england with anything interesting is boston and i cant get there at-will

otherwise seattle and california seem overrun with open-minded alternatives of all flavors LOLL i have a plan to chop off some states in the middle and sell them back to france or somethign so new england isnt so far from seattle & cali. you'd think i lived in a shack on the side of an unpopulated mountain with all the social issues around here!!! crikeys

**sigh**
post #146 of 1038
4/2/07 at 5:03pm
Well, it's not like you can go out and find polyfolk just hanging out all in one place, waiting to hook up

You find compatible people by meeting people and talking to them. There are a LOT of people out there who have a poly mindset, but have no clue that it is something that has a name or is actually *done*. And they might not ever know, if you don't say something to them when they ask you about your family.
post #147 of 1038
4/2/07 at 6:15pm
i realize that - but any email lists, group meetings, etc etc etc arent within a hundred miles
post #148 of 1038
4/2/07 at 6:19pm
IKWYM I once joined a MI poly yahoo group.....but everyone that was on it lived a good 200 miles from me! So much for "local"! : But even with all that....we still found someone
post #149 of 1038
4/2/07 at 6:30pm
There used to be a Northern New England chat group. I wonder if it's still around.
post #150 of 1038
4/2/07 at 6:32pm
Kate - wow, how rotten to have to deal with that! Especially after 8 years of proving that what you have really does work.....
I *do* think a warning is in order for her. I mean honestly, would she really choose not seeing her grandchildren over keeping her thoughts to herself? She may see what she's doing as "saving" your children, but really she's doing a lot of damage by making comments like that to one so young.

Thankfully, though I know our families don't "approve", they just pretend nothing at all is different about our family. I think they've just realized how much happier we all are with our arrangement, and are happy for us.

Maybe just saying something (or writing a letter saying) "I know you don't approve of how we live, and even if you *wanted* to approve, you couldn't because our lifestyle goes against your religious beliefs. However, we are your family, and if you want to remain close to your grandchildren, you're going to need to temper your comments. If I hear anything else from my kids about us going to hell or the like, you will no longer be able to spend time with them. They do not need such emotional manipulation from a person they love so dearly."
post #151 of 1038
4/3/07 at 1:30am
Hi there Poly Mamas!

I keep coming to post here and getting called away before I get the chance, lol...been meaning to introduce myself for a while now.

I'm married to a wonderful man, we've been together for almost 5 years, and in January we started dating a lovely woman. This is all still very new to me, and some aspects of it are harder than I was expecting them to be.

I was so hapy to find this thread just a few says after our first date, I'm looking forward to talking with you all, but I'm not in a very good headspace ATM. I'm not really comfortable sharing a whole lot of detail on the boards right now, but I'm in desperate need of someone to talk to who wont be condencending or condemning of our relationship choices.

If any of you use MSN with any frequency and wouldn't mind listening while I sort through my addled brain, could you PM me and I'll send you my addy...

I hope you all are doing well with your families!
post #152 of 1038
4/3/07 at 3:45pm
Yola: I don't use MSN but you're welcome to PM me. I have ichat/AIM and yahoo messenger. I wouldn't mind chatting with you or any other poly mamas...
post #153 of 1038
4/3/07 at 5:24pm

Trust Issues...

This has been bugging me, but I think my perspective might just be skewed because DH and I have a poly relationship?

When I see posts from other women on here saying they checked their husband's cell phone and found calls from so and so, or that their husband goes out drinking and doesn't answer his phone, or they looked through his wallet and found something suspicious...

It just seems so juvenile and jealous to me. I can't imagine acting that way. Or being in a relationship with somebody who did.

I don't *think* it's because we're poly - I mean, DH could still "cheat" on me, if he was sleeping with somebody without telling me about it... But I just don't feel a need to spy on my husband, or quiz him about his activities. I feel that our relationship is strong and I trust him completely. I also don't think other women are out there trying to "steal" him away - if he wanted to leave me, that would be his choice.

None of our circle of friends would condone that kind of jealous behaviour, either (and most of them are monogamous) but am I out of touch? Is that "normal?"
post #154 of 1038
4/3/07 at 7:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laggie View Post
This has been bugging me, but I think my perspective might just be skewed because DH and I have a poly relationship?

When I see posts from other women on here saying they checked their husband's cell phone and found calls from so and so, or that their husband goes out drinking and doesn't answer his phone, or they looked through his wallet and found something suspicious...

It just seems so juvenile and jealous to me. I can't imagine acting that way. Or being in a relationship with somebody who did.

I don't *think* it's because we're poly - I mean, DH could still "cheat" on me, if he was sleeping with somebody without telling me about it... But I just don't feel a need to spy on my husband, or quiz him about his activities. I feel that our relationship is strong and I trust him completely. I also don't think other women are out there trying to "steal" him away - if he wanted to leave me, that would be his choice.

None of our circle of friends would condone that kind of jealous behaviour, either (and most of them are monogamous) but am I out of touch? Is that "normal?"
I agree totally! I often wonder if people, male and female, realize how out of touch and scary this behavior is. I certainly would not want to be with someone like that!:
post #155 of 1038
4/3/07 at 8:25pm
Ditto Laggie. I just can't imagine it. I really don't understand why people would put themselves through that kind of drama and stress.
post #156 of 1038
4/10/07 at 3:03pm
It may have more to it. I used to go through my DH's stuff looking for evidence of drug use.
post #157 of 1038
4/11/07 at 8:05am
I don't think anyone starts out a relationship with that dynamic, but sometimes when things go rotten a person does what they think they need to do to survive; to either try to fix the situation, or to prove it to themselves to convince themselves to leave, or to get the ammo they will need for a court battle. I don't think anyone considers it part of a healthy relationship. And with the stats on cheating what they are, it's likely that these people are either hypersensitive because it's already happened to them before, or that they are going to find what they're looking for.

Having recently gotten out of situation where I was lied to and "cheated on" for a long time (and I ignored some really obvious stuff because I wanted to believe the best), I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those hypersensitive individuals.
post #158 of 1038
4/11/07 at 11:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mehndi mama View Post
Well, it's not like you can go out and find polyfolk just hanging out all in one place, waiting to hook up

You find compatible people by meeting people and talking to them. There are a LOT of people out there who have a poly mindset, but have no clue that it is something that has a name or is actually *done*. And they might not ever know, if you don't say something to them when they ask you about your family.
ditto- This is how I lived 26 years of my life. To me the only "poly" people I had ever hear of or even knew were out there was polygamist- and living in total poverty under a religious carpet was a bit : for me. It was not until I started hearing the buzz about Big Love (before it came out) that I started looking into what it was all about- and found that there were many people that lived together as a healthy family. Being bi and only being with men- because I wanted to have babies and wanted to be with a man also so it made sense to do that- I was open to the new idea of having a GF too- it has been a world wind- and one I have yet to venture into mostly because of lack of finding like minded people.

We are web developers and are slowly developing a GOOD site for poly people- one that focuses more on triads- but also other dynamics of the poly relationship. Who knows when it will be live... Maybe I will find my own 3rd via my website someday....

I try to spread the word about poly- but I do it in humor- as if it totally makes sense because so many people are bi..


Kate- I am so sorry about your MIL- I think if we were to find a partner my FIL would FREAK! He is totally a homo-fobe (sp). It drives me nuts- I am always calling him out on it. But, what can ya do??? I think if his parents (or mine) had a problem with it we would move far away. But we are ones to move a lot anyway- so we can deal without close family. If it is your MIL your spouse needs to have a good talk with her. It must stop- there is no reason to scare your kids.
post #159 of 1038
4/22/07 at 1:17pm
crayon - i'd love to talk to you more! system wont let me send a PM right now maybe you can reach me? : ) : )
post #160 of 1038
4/22/07 at 9:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LdyBluNH@aol View Post
crayon - i'd love to talk to you more! system wont let me send a PM right now maybe you can reach me? : ) : )
I am going to send you an email via the system- let me know if you do not get it