I think I've posted on this thread before, but it was waay back, and I only just read the last six pages or so to catch up. To re-introduce myself, I live in a triad with DH and GF (Also referred to as DW#2). Our situation is closer to being polygynous than a completely three-sided thing; GF and I are more like sisters most of the time; DH is primary rel for both of us, and we tend to only be intimate with each other in his presence.
Anyway, we've been together as the three of us since November 2007, but DH's known GF for years and years, they dated way back before he even met his first wife, when they were like 16 and 19 or something like that. GF moved in with us in part to get away from a bad relationship; but everything worked out so well that we decided to make it permanent. My DD took everything in stride, being a preschooler when the whole thing started. She calls GF by her first name, and knows that she's in charge when I'm not around; honestly I think she minds her better than she does me! GF has two DS's ages 11 and 13 from a previous marriage (not the bad rel she got away from to move in with us, but she was only divorced this year after years of separation, and pretty much because her EXH wanted to get re-married). They live with their dad primarily, but come visit about one weekend a month and a month in summer. They like us; maybe partly because we like them, and unlike GF's ex (who has now been relegated to friend with occasional benefits), we encourage their bond with their mom rather than acting jealous of the time she spends with them. Also they see how much being with us makes GF happy. They and DD get along really well, too, and have I think started feeling a bit like actual siblings.
Originally Posted by letabug
I was just wondering if anybody has any information or resources for information regarding a poly household when 1 member is active duty military. Especially in situations when the active duty member is married to a woman who has a male bf. After reading through some of the UCMJ thing there would be no adultery or homosexual behavior on the active duty person. I was just wondering how something like that would work if anybody knows of resources I would really appreciate it!
It's pretty much the same as being gay, from a practical standpoint. "Don't ask, don't tell, don't get caught". With the BF being non-military, your biggest challenges are going to be with living situations. He can't live on base with you, and if your family gets stationed overseas and he wants to go with, he won't be able to under the Status of Forces Agreement; He'd have to pay his own way and get a regular Visa, etc. I'm pretty sure as long as you're married to the military member, any kids you have that he's willing to claim (biological father notwithstanding) can be covered by his insurance and stuff--I covered my stepdaughter after DH and I got married, and she didn't even live with us. From a day to day practical standpoint, it's a matter of keeping private life separate from work for your DH, which can be very healthy stateside, but very hard to do on a deployment.