It's gets worse/better/idk.
This morning when Ed was bringing our g/f home from work they stopped by her moms work to tell her that Ed was bringing her and that she didn't need a ride. Her mom told her she needed to go home so they could "talk". She apparently meant right that minute but neither Ed nor DG/F knew that so she came to our house for a little bit.
Ok so they get here at like 7:30/7:45am and I have an prenatal appt at 10:30. Both Ed and DG/F have to work tonight so I told DGF that she should take a nap before the appt and Ed obviously couldn't b/c he had to help DS1 get ready for school and drive him to school- he took a nap after that. We slept til 9:45 and then I got up, got me and Logan ready and went and woke Ed and DGF up.
Had a REALLY crappy prenatal appt (I'm being denied a VBA2C
), and went for lunch at Long John Silvers- nothing special but that's all we could agree upon so that's where we went. Ed had just asked her if she wanted to go back to our house or go home since it was now 1 and her mom had said that she wanted to "talk" when her mom called her cell and started SCREAMING. That's when we all found out that she meant to go home instantly (which IMO honestly makes no sense b/c her mom doesn't get out of work until later than DGF so they wouldn't have been able to talk right away anyway...).
Not only did she scream in a drunken rage (she's an alcoholic) at DGF, she told DGF that she wanted to talk to Ed and then she screamed in a drunken rage at him! Meanwhile, I'm having a panic attack and not able to breathe b/c of this and the bad drs appt.
We dropped her off, in tears. I told Ed that I HATE this but if her mom is going to be like this then it might be in DGF's best interest to just let her go. Though, since her mom yells at her all the time, she'd just find something else to yell at her for
The thought of letting her go really hurts though!!
We got home and DGF told Ed online that her mom wanted to talk to him so Ed called and chatted w/drunken mom who expressed how "gullible" her daughter is and how she wouldn't be able to see if she was being used (so not true btw, she's a very bright woman) and how she feared we were going to use and discard her daughter. Ed and DGF FINALLY got her to understand that none of this was planned, it just happened. The sex doesn't matter, that just happened too. We all care about each other and we would NEVER hurt her.
DGF's mom calmed down quite a bit and we learned that she was in a 3 person relationship (don't have details) and it didn't end well so that's part of her problem. According to Ed, she seems somewhat accepting at this point and requested to meet us (er...me as she's already met Ed a few times). While yes, meeting her will probably be good in the long run, I've apparently been having panic attacks very often during this pregnancy and constantly can't breathe because of it so this is going to be A LOT on me because I'm shy and get nervous around new people to begin with. I'll do it, but I'm scared.
DGF told me online though that her mom told her and didn't feel the need to tell Ed that DGF is going to be "required" (lmao- she's an adult so that's silly) to choose between ONE of us. Her mom said it's fine that she's bi but she can only be with me OR Ed
: Now- here's the thing. If she DID choose, Ed would not accept any decision other than her choosing me. He'd want us to be happy- he even told me that when I told him about this nonsense. DGF does not intend on choosing though and flat out said "what mom doesn't know won't hurt her". She doesn't agree with having to choose between 2 people she cares for- and I've got to say that's a huge relief because I'd feel TERRIBLE if she decided to be with me and Ed lost her AND I think her choosing would result in serious jealousy issues since we both care for her.
DGF also told me that while her mom has calmed down and is slightly more accepting, her stepdad is still very mad about the situation and does not approve. She also informed me that her mom tends to blindly follow what the stepdad says without ever thinking for herself so it's possible that we're still going to have issues because of stepdad.
As far as meeting them- I don't want to bring my kids (they know about the kids though) b/c like I said, she's an alcoholic but ultimately I'm going to ask DGF if SHE thinks it's a good idea to bring the kids. On some level I think it may be good for them to see how great their daughter is with my boys and see how much my boys love her but then at the same time, I fear that DGF's mom will act inappropriately in front of my boys so Idk.
At this point- I'm hoping the parental meeting will allow them to see that we do NOT ever intend to harm DGF and that we care for her deeply. If they do indeed see this, maybe, just maybe, we can all be one big happy family and I could, for once, have "inlaws" that don't hate me- that'd be nice tbh. Ed's parents have made it clear through the years that they DO NOT like me and since DGF is so much like me, they won't like her either nor will their close minded selves approve of our relationship so it'd be nice if her mom and stepdad would be happy for us.
Idk when we're meeting them yet. I DO know that from our understanding DGF is "allowed"
to continue seeing us but I could be wrong.
Oh, Adam asked when DGF was coming back over and I said "Idk, that's up to her mommy" I wasn't negative about it either- I just stated a fact b/c obviously she's not going to want to cause more problems between her and her mom so we may not see her for awhile
and he had a lot to say about how she's a grown up and doesn't need to listen to her mommy! Even my 7 year old can see how messed up it is that her mom is being so controlling!!
HOPEFULLY this all works out b/c we can't stand the thought of DGF not being part of our family! Yes this happened quickly but now we can't imagine our lives without her being a part of them! The three of us have an AMAZING chemistry and I'm hoping her mother will see that- that is if she isn't too drunk to remember seeing it afterwards.
I don't mean to bash her mother btw and I know bashing is a nono here. She IS an alcoholic and she is drunk quite frequently. I'm not putting her down, I'm just trying to illustrate how badly her drinking is affecting this situation. She could be a perfectly nice woman but from my understanding her drinking leads to screaming matches thus the problems we're running into. I won't bash a person Idk anyway so please don't interpret this as such.