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Poly Families - Page 42

post #821 of 1038
I've read about people who split the bills based on a percentage of income, rather than split 2 or 3 ways... which seems 'more fair' to me. Although when it comes to travel, I'm not sure if I would consider that a 'household expense'.

I probably shouldn't still be lurking here, since DP and I have been essentially monogamous so far, although we do occasionally have some, um... playtime? involving other people. Funny that I've drifted so far out of the mainstream that a little bit of sexy stuff doesn't seem like non-monogamy to me.
post #822 of 1038
majikfaerieSounds like Laggie has some pretty sage advice, so I'll leave well enough alone. I just wanted to send some vibes out to you!! Yay!! Hope you can all be together soon!!

Originally Posted by Laggie View Post
Funny that I've drifted so far out of the mainstream that a little bit of sexy stuff doesn't seem like non-monogamy to me.
I love this!!

So things are seriously lagging between DBF and I... He's so busy that I haven't seen him for a month, and I'm seriously losing interest. I've sent him a few texts now and then, but I don't want to feel like I'm the one initiating everything. It gets tiring. He's assured me that he's still interested, but he'd better pick up the slack because I'm done. I plan to tell him this very soon. Boo.
On the plus side, Sonja, my pDP, has been putting extra effort in and doing things like reading to me in bed and washing the dishes (my chore) since I'm sick. I'm fighting off some bronchial pneumonia. Ugh. She's so sweet to me!!
post #823 of 1038
majikfaerie: It's better in the long run to wait till she's more financially ready to jump in. I've mostly been a SAHM for the last 11 years, so I haven't had much income of my own. It can often feel bad to be the only one without their own money. We do currently split bills based on percentage of income, but I have been in other situations where it wasn't so fairly split and it can come up as a problem at the worst possible moments. Financial inequity seems to raise it's ugly head in the middle of an entirely unrelated heated issue. So, yeah, I know what you mean about "we want to be together NOW", look ahead and plan carefully. And best of luck.
post #824 of 1038
thanks everyone. splitting bills based on income is a nice idea. though I have virtually no income myself and all our income and expenses come from DP who earns well, and we share 100% of all of it.
we were just saying though, the amount we'll be saving on phone calls might pay for her plane tickets - we've been having loooooong, sticky phone calls lately
post #825 of 1038
I don't post in this forum, but DBassett, I had been following your story and was wondering how that all turned out? Just curious...
post #826 of 1038
as it turned out, the long phone calls were mounting up, and we just went ahead and bought plane tickets, so DW is here with us now.
it's mostly all good, but DH is having some issues, mostly around him not being overly attracted to DW.
I think we're all due for a big talk very soon; I'll let you all know how it goes.
And still the issues of practicalities and money have to be discussed.
post #827 of 1038

Brand Super NEW

post #828 of 1038
Sounds like it could be a great solution for you. I can't give you any advice; really don't know your situation, but if it were me, I'd at least try - if it means avoiding divorce, and you all get to be happy and fulfilled in the end

good luck!

as for me; DW has been staying here with us the last 2 weeks, which has been great, and also challenging. it brings up some issues for DH, which we're talking about and working on. and some issues for me too, I guess. but we had a nice talk about it the other night, and at this point, since, me, dh and dd are going on vacation to new zealand next week, all will be left on hold till next year when we go visit her down south. DH will also get to meet DW's family, which should be nice. her family are great, and love me heaps (when DW told her mother that she was thinking about breaking up with her BF of three years and getting back together with me (we were married 8 years ago and have been estranged since then), which would involve being in a poly r'ship, her mother was totally happy and encouraged her to go ahead with it ).
DH has still yet to "come out of the closet" to his family, but that's his deal I guess. it's just annoying for me that I have to censor my blog, since MIL reads it.

Also, DW and DD have been totally bonding; DD started calling DW "mum" which is really freakin confusing so then she differentiated us as "green mum" (I only wear green clothes) and "smoking mum" (DW smokes - I've also set a condition that she can't move in to live with us permanently till she's quit smoking - I just don't want a smoker living in our house, and modelling smoking for DD).

sorry for the novel, anyway, that's where I'm at
post #829 of 1038
Hi everyone not much knew here but a friend of mine shared this place http://www.panomatics.com/nextgen/muc/burningman/
(panoramic views of burningman)

has anyone ever been to Burning man Poly paradise?
post #830 of 1038

I have spent the last 3 days reading this entire thread off an on...phew!

Im a married SAHM, and though I always knew i wasnt monagamous, i never thought about poly, and just assumed you got married and were stuck. I fell in love with my best friend about 8 months ago. I never accepted myself as bisexual either..

as it turned out she was also into poly, though she didnt know it until meeting us. However, she didnt know she loved me as well. So, with my blessing, her and my husband began a relationship that almost killed me. I have never loved someone as much as i loved her and seeing the two of them together when I couldnt have her was really hurtful, so we all had a talk and I told them that i completely supported them, but that I had to end my friendship with her. We got into a deep/heated discussion in which she realized how she felt for me - *bliss*

She is also currently married, with 2 children. Her husband is supportive - but there are definite issues to be be worked out.

Im excited to have found this thread, Im caught up - and I look forward to coming here for support.

Oh! when I came out on livejournal a lot of people defriended me (sigh) so im looking for more like minded people...if your on lj...add me
post #831 of 1038
Anyone see the article that was in the Boston globe?
post #832 of 1038
Can you share a link?
post #833 of 1038
Hi all
how was everyone's holidays?
we just got back from our vacation in new zealand. only to find that in our absence, DW decided to break up with me... though she won't actually say it, or explain anything about why or what happened. just that she didn't really want to see me, wouldn't kiss me or talk about anything more interesting than the weather WTF? after 8 years of marriage you'd think I deserve a little better. but it seems that she's not coming to live with us after all.
and things are a bit rocky with me and DH, so I might be not only poly, but single quite soon quite a change from last month when I had DH, DW and a GF floating around. life's life that.
still, i had a lot of interesting discussions about poly lifestyle at the rainbow gathering
post #834 of 1038
post #835 of 1038
okay, i am so sick of as soon as I tell people that i'm separating from dw and dh they respond "oh, poly relationships never work out".

i've been married to dw for 8 years (together 12) and to dh 7 years. the reason we're separating has NOTHING to do with the poly aspect of it. and if i were just breaking up with a monogamous husband, no one would say "oh heteronormative r'ships never work long-term". they'd say "oh, what happened? i'm so sorry".
and now literally everyone is saying something about us having been poly. honestly! how many marriages at all last as long as mine have?
post #836 of 1038
majikfaerie, you have my (wry) sympathy re people that stick their foot in their throat. I get tired of taking the high road and ignoring hurtful comments from people who don't seem to be invested in the idea that *all relationships* are valuable and take work and patience and love. I'm sorry you are experiencing a shift in your relationships and loves - and I hope that your time of loss and grief over that change lasts only as long as you need it to for some healing.

I'm running out the door, so I don't have more than a quick hi - poly queer here - looking forward to reading this thread and getting to know you all.
post #837 of 1038
thanks J and welcome
post #838 of 1038
i flubbed and made a xerox thread about poly...

so here i am..finally found a tribe where I really belong.

2 kids, dd's 2 &5, two partners, both men. finally going to be living with secondary by this weekend. couldnt be more excited.
post #839 of 1038
Haven't had time to read the whole thread (42 pages, oh my!!), but wanted to post a "hello" and small intro, in case I want to add my 2 cents on something later on. DH and I have been married for almost 16 years but have always had an open relationship, believing that commitment to each other and our kids combined with honesty was more important than monogamy. We've always felt that we would be more "complete" with another woman, but although we've had a few girlfriends nobody has ever made it to permanent. Meeting people is tough, now, but maybe someday we'll get lucky. Nice to see a poly-welcoming community here!
post #840 of 1038
welcome bettinaausucre and solinox
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