Sensitive 4 year old potty learning advice

[Skim]

This is probably going to be long, so if you get to the end, thanks in advance!

My just-four year old is maknig the leap to no diapers. She is highly sensitive, physically (less so in the last year) and emotionally. She is very attached to me, and slow to warm to people. She has no real comfort objects, just ... her diapers. She still nurses at night.

We waited until we (me and dp) just couldn't wait any more. DD is an amazon, tall and big, and truthfully her diapers and wraps just couldn't be big enough to catch all her pee without leaking to her pants every time. We were washing diapers twice a day. We were impatient with changing big-kid poopy diapers every day. We were soooo ready for her to start using the potty.

We had her sitting on her potty seat for several months, and she never used it, just sat on it. At first she hated this, then accepted it calmly. Then we introduced the concept of how when she turned four she would be diaper free. We spoke of it gently, not as a punishment. And the days before her birthday she was really exicted about it - the new pants she could wear, especially.

Well, we began to help her learn to use the toilet this week. It has been hell for me, and very hard for dd. There is no way to make her run around without pants or underpants - she hates being naked. Plus, we're in WI and it's darned cold up here.

At first, she was so angry, and scared. I feel so sad for my dd. So far, she's accepted pooping and peeing in the bathroom, but is terrified of and/or unable to sit to pee and poop. This means that at least she is pooping and peeing, but standing up, after taking off her pants and unders.

Considering the depth of change that has occurred, I am so proud of dd! She is doing really well understanding when she needs to pee and poop, and getting to the bathroom. BUT - can anyone help me 1) see the bright side of her standing to poop (besides the obvious that it's in the bathroom and easy to clean), and 2) help me find ways to get her to like sitting down to pee and poop? I'm feeling pretty exhausted with our learning process. And remember, she is very sensitive, and does not accept even minor disruption with any kind of ease or grace, and without huge emotional outbursts.

Thanks for your wise advice. Mods, if this goes somewhere else, please move it.

Kim

[mattjule]

Does she have a stool for her feet? Dr Sears said it is natural to tighten your sphincters when your feet dangle so it may be harder for her to push. Honestly, the only thing that worked in the standing to sitting transition was diarrhea. By all means I am not suggesting you give her diarrhea! With my ds, who ALWAYS pooped standing up, he just couldn't seem to figure out how to make his body poop when sitting. It really helped to have very loose stool he didn't have to push very hard to get out. On a side note, we didn't see diarrhea as an opportunity but a necessity since you just can't contain it in a diaper with a child that is 40 lbs and 40-ish inches tall. So it would leak everywhere and we'd have to spray him off in the shower and it was miserable. When he got rotavirus a few weeks ago we told him he really had to poop on the toilet because we all (including him) hated putting him in the bathtub. I think he was so dazed that he didn't have the capacity to over-think it and get scared. When he was better he wanted dipes again and we just told him no, that he pooped on the toilet for a week when he was sick, he could poop on the toilet from now on. He protested and refused but 2 hours later he tried (and succeeded) and hasn't asked for dipes again. I don't really think this is that helpful, just my experience and commiseration, it's hard for everyone, including your dd who must have no idea how to do what you want her to do. Big hugs, make sure to post if you figure out something that works! (ds2 also poops standing up) Oh, you could also try to catch her as it is coming out and have her try to sit. Maybe if she starts it her normal way it will be easier for her body to figure out how to finish it differently?

[CinnamonDeMarco]

Would she stand over a little potty and aim the pee and poop in there? She might figure out squatting or sitting makes everything easier. If you try this make sure to buy a small potty. Some pottys are too wide to stand over comfortably.

[Skim]

I do think she is just not sure how to make it work. We tried the step stool under her feet already, while she sits, and that traumatized her. I may introduce it again later. This girl is tall, so she almost doesn't need it!

I like the idea of aiming into a small potty. We have one she is way too big for, that has the pull-out bucket she might actually enjoy trying to squat over. This is what I have been using with our baby to catch some of her pees. At the very least I could use it to try to catch dd1's poops. Not that I don't love the "thump" of poop hitting the floor

Thanks for the ideas, mamas! I'll let you know if anything works!

[Skim]

Since someone asked, i thought I'd reply about how we got dd to sit.

Well, on my dp's potty shift, he informed her that if she didn't sit down to pee and poop that he would leave the room while she was in there, that she would have to clean up everything by herself, even put on her pants and underpants all by herself. He also told her that I would do the same. He felt he was "enabling" her behavior of standing, so decided that leaving was the only way to change it.

This was not so much different than what I was doing, except I didn't threaten to leave. The tactic worked. She sat down immediately and has sat down to pee every time, with no accidents. Amazing! Pooping is a little trickier, but it's working slowly as she learns how to do it.

I only feel a little bad about it since it achieved our goals and because we go in there with her every time, at her request. She sits, we have less mess and laundry, and learns a necessary life skill. Everyone is happy.

[srain]

Is she willing to squat? (I ask because I was seriously considering having my daughter squat in a kitty-litter pan a couple months ago- luckily she became willing to sit on her own-)