How is your marriage, new mommies? - Page 2

[Minoh]

Oh aisraeltax, I'm so sorry that your dh isn't helping make this experience as wonderful a time for you as it ought to be, especially since you thought you could not have children.

I would find it so hard if my dh were not fully supportive, both emotionally and just by helping with everything when he's home.

I have a feeling that your husband will one day regret not spending more time with ds as a baby. Hopefully he will soon realize the gift he's been given and learn to be more supportive and helpful.

[aisraeltax]

back to our regularly scheduled mamas....

the boob is going to help majorly with dinner tonight.

[lizajane30]

Dunno if this thread is totally done or what, but wanted to chime in. My DH is wonderful and we've been through some trying times in the last year and a half (open heart surgery for him a few months after we got married), and we're generally having a great time being parents. He interacts with the boy, potties him, kisses the baby before me when he gets home, cooks dinner, and brings home the veggie bacon so I can stay home. He even potties him in the middle of the night.

So why am I resentful so much of the time? I used to work as a nanny, so it's not like I didn't know what I was in for as a SAHM. I don't feel cooped up, I just feel like I do everything! And I know that I don't! But you know, I get one half hour to myself every day, while I'm in the shower. One half hour, out of 24. And who do you think I'm thinking about while I'm in the shower? DH and the boy, of course, wondering if DH is resenting me for leaving him in bed with a baby who's not going back to sleep, thus making him get out of bed. And when he gets up at night to do potty duties, I feel like he resents me. Why am I imagining resentment on his part? It's like I don't want to ask him to do anything more than he already does because he might get angry, which I know in my heart he won't.

Has mamahood made me totally insecure? I mean, just because I don't get paid doesn't mean I'm not working all day too, right? So it's fair for us to split childcare duties when we're both home, yeah? Maybe it's hard for me because I did used to get paid for this kind of work, so I feel like I'm asking him to do work I'm supposed to be doing.

I think the main difference between mamas and papas is that even when we're not with our DC, we carry an emotional burden of caring for them, which is hard work. I very much doubt that fathers spend a lot of their workday worrying whether the baby is eating enough, or getting enough attention, or whatever it is that we mamas think about all day. Plus, we're constantly making milk, and I often forget to take into account how much energy that takes.

Sorry this is so long. DS is asleep, so I have the time to write this while I should be doing things like...ummm...I can't remember. Oh yeah, brushing my teeth.

[DesireeH]

to all the mamas!

Extra hug for Rach too

We've been having issues but not so much related to having a baby, yk? I am just feeling like crap about myself and this yucky body and I turned into a super jealous pyscho. LOL I've always had issues with this but it's just extra bad lately. But after a couple days of crying nonstop I wrote dh this huge letter about what is going on in my brain and I think it's helping. He is being extra nice this past week.

Sometimes I do feel overwhelmed knowing that I cant get a "real" break if I wanted to just cause I couldnt leave Daphne with anyone. I am such a control freak and I dont trust anyone. Not that I think anyone will hurt her or anything but I would be a wreck just imagining her at home crying without me or something.

[aisraeltax]

Desiree,
i am right there with you about how i feel about myself. i still have 25 lbs. to lose and just feel horrible at how i look. nothing fits...even shirts are too small b/c of my fatty arms. some mamas are much better at me at getting out in weather like this but i am not that stoic...i FREEZE!!!! that is one thing that dh is good about...still says im attractive, etc. VERY good there i have to say...but I feel so NOT attractive.

[IncaMama]

rach - i'm with you on the freezing thing. i'm a total shut-in right now. LOL today i'm going up to dave's office with the kids. i haven't showered in...a while. LOL sooooo i'm gonna have to figure out how to get a shower with 2 kids in the house. maybe while ava's sleeping? if she does that LOL

[birthjunkie27]

Michele, when I take a shower I just call on the electronic babysitter for Mikayla and Jimmy (thank God for Nick Jr/ Noggin) and I lay Samara on my bed with the ceiling fan on low (she loves watching the blades go around and around) or I'll put her in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with me. Then I take like a 2 min shower. If that.

[IncaMama]

ok good idea. rowan has been watching so much TV it's disgraceful. he'll be into this idea.

[aisraeltax]

we have a portable swing that i put in the bathroom (my bathroom is very small) and he sits in there and loves hearing the water.

another thing he will do for a few minutes is sit on the bed looking at the fan (i dont turn it on...would make it too cold!!! lol!) but i have one of those pully things with pooh bear (do you know what i mean?) and he absolutely loves that! only prob. is that Mikey has to be there to pull the thing down over and over and over (but thats how i get him to sit alone if i am doing something else).

oh, and you would not believe this...we have a bassinett in the bedroom...i just made lunch and put him in the bassinett...he stayed there without crying..he was just looking around...having a grand ole' time...it was for at least 15-20 minutes. sometimes i think i get too involved the the AP thing and feel guilty if i leave him alone at all...but it may be something that he actually enjoys.

good luck with the showers!!!

[IncaMama]

i showered!! she fell asleep, i put her in her moses basket in our room, and set rowan up with some TV. took a 10 minute shower! LUXURY!!! she stayed asleep for about 2 hrs. LOL

[Panthira]

I wish I could have a shower. I just called my DH and told him he better come home early today. It's been one of the hardest weeks since the baby was born and I actually yelled at my 2 yr old for the first time ever. It was just a "No," but still. I feel awful and my tummy hurts because of my gall bladder and I'm on craploads of Vicadin which can't be good for the nursing baby, even if they say it's alright.
My DH got a new computer game purchased by me. Big mistake. It's all he's been wanting to do after the toddler goes down for the night this week. He's been staying up until midnight or 1 am, and he has to get up at 5 am to get to work. So he's been overtired and not all there. Then my teeneage daughter broke the toilet in her bathroom and didn't tell us. Just left her crap sitting in it. Gross.
I'm tired.

End of sob story.