The thought occured to me..........

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

when dh and I were getting food saturday night that if something were to happen to me it would be up to him to protect ds and teach him what he needs to know later in life. He has said from the begining it would be up to me to tell ds how to care for hisself and why we decided to leave him that way.

I have went on so much about retraction that dh knows this is never ever to be done for any reason even if a dr says so. But I happened to think he knows virtually nothing about how to deal with some things that can arise as ds gets older. So it hit me I had better tell him just in case. He never likes to talk about the intactivism thing but I know that it is vitally important that ds get the proper information when the time comes. We talked for about 15 min and I am pretty sure I covered all the basics on things. Like paraphimosis sp* and what to do if it happens (rare I know) but still possible, and things to tell ds to do if he has trouble with a to tight foreskin. As I was going thru the list I looked at him and I could just about hear him thinking "And why did we decided to leave ds intact again?" I told him that most were not a issue ever but he needed to be prepaired just in case.

Dh insisted that men just dont talk about stuff like that but I told him he was gonna have to get past his upbringing and be prepaired to discuss things openly and honestly with both kids. I know it is hard cause that is the way i was raised as well. I thought he was gonna faint when i also mentioned that if I was not there then he would be the one to discuss dd's period and sex when she is ready to learn.

I like to think that I will live to see my great-great grandkids but sometimes life happens I wanted to write this here so that others who hadnt thought of this could also have a talk with their partner to let them know what could happen and how to deal with it. I have also writen a letter to ds on my pc and will also print it off to give him when the time comes or in case I am not here dh can let him have it. I want to make sure that my ds isnt one of the men who end up circed as adults due to the ignorence of dr's and make sure that dh is there for back up as well. K I am thru now I think. Just a thought I felt needed to be shared. Take care all.

[DahliaRW]

Good point - thanks for bringing that up.

I just told my dh that if something happens to me and he has a question about ds's penis, to just come to this forum and ask.

[Quirky]

Even more important than this discussion with your spouse, IMO, is figuring out who will care for your kids if you both die and they're orphaned. And then GET IT IN WRITING - you need a will stating your wishes. And then make sure those people who would be your kids' guardians have a copy of the Mothering reprint with the Fleiss articles - one of those is about caring for the intact child and protecting him from medical ignorance.

One of the factors in choosing guardians for our kids if the worst happens was making sure they are foreskin-friendly and knowledgable.

[Fi.]

My partner knows as much about foreskin as all of us here. I'm convinced my son would be safe if I died.

[LeosMama]

I'm not worried about my dh knowing how to take care of ds, he's learned about all of this while I did.

I'm more concerned about if something happens to both of us, as we plan on having ds's brother and SIL take care of our children. They circ'd both of their sons and my BIL was rather shocked when he first saw my ds's normal, unmodified penis.

My folks have no problem with ds having a normal penis, and my father was very pleased that we left ds alone. But I don't think they really know about preventing premature retraction in medical situations (they do understand about leaving it alone otherwise).

I'm glad this thread came up, as I really need to find a way to educate my BIL and SIL about this subject.

[Frankly Speaking]

Making plans for this is not just important for this issue but for all things. Many of you here know that I have an "adopted" grandson. About 5 or 6 years ago, his Mom told me that if anything happened to her and her husband that they wanted me to take Julien and I agreed. Now, that presented a problem. He has a living grandfather and two living grandmothers and they could present problems. The grandfather, I don't see much of a problem because he lives close by and has his hands full with his own problems. One grandmother is near 70 years old and lives in Sweden and I don't see much of a problem there. The second grandmother is the wild card. She lives near by and is close to my age and very well could become the fly in the ointment owing to her general nature. I told his mother that she should have a document drawn up by an attorney stating her wishes and she did. Even so, there could be a court battle that I don't eagerly anticipate. Fortunately, Julien is getting to the age that he can make his own decisions to a degree and I would certainly listen to his wishes before taking any action.



Frank

[paquerette]

Well, my DH is under orders to come to MDC for help with any childrearing issues if anything happens to me. I could just see him starting a thread in Fertility "Please educate my preteen daughter about all that womanly stuff"

[movingon]

I was thinking about this same thing the other day. Good idea about getting it all in writing!