I just don't care anymore

[splash]

Why should I care? What good does it do? I couldn't even save my own nephew from being circed TWICE in the first week of his life!
I left teaching because I couldn't stand seeing kids that weren't fed, weren't clothed, were covered in bruises... I'm too much of a jelly heart.
And I worry that I'm becoming hardened to circumcision. It rips my heart out everytime I think of it, but I've gotten the 'why bother?' attitude to myself because it seems like nothing ever changes.
I'm just sad. I came across a blog today of two women, one is kinda jewish, one is nothing. And I searched the blog for a bris reference. Their son was born on Sunday. It's not been eight days. But they were thinking that the whole bris is too complicated, so they would do a hospital circ and then let the mohel just take a slice at it to get some blood. So he's probably already circed. Which doesn't even fulfill the religious 'mandate' that she said she didn't want to do anyway!
I didn't even bother. I don't have her email address. I just left a comment about something else and hope she'll come to my blog and see the circ info in the sidebar. But I don't even want to fight it with her, or anyone.
I'm sad because I feel like I need to do more, but I don't want to do any of it.

[jessjgh1]

Estelle,
I'm so sorry...
....HUGS....

Oh, Josh just woke, must go.

Jessica

[Eman'smom]

I so often feel the same way, I couldn't save my own nephew either. I don't even "hang out" here very often because it's too painful.

Everywhere I look people are multilating there little boys and I can't do anything to stop it.

[onlyboys]

I was feeling like a failure intactivist recently, and lamented to some friends about not having "saved" one boy yet.

This friend said to me, "You didn't save my son, but you saved my future sons."

I am feeling like a farmer. Just sowing seeds. Sometimes those seeds take a while to germinate.

[kalisis]

Yep, we're a lot like farmers - the seeds we're sowing now may take years to blossom, but they *will* and it will have been worth it.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down about this. It's hard to think about the baby boys who are suffering this terrible mutilation. I sometimes go back through the archives and read the "Thank You! You saved our son and we're so happy now" threads to get a boost. Those babies were saved and because people like you were hanging around to answer their questions.

Hang in there and keep spreading those seeds.

[sprout 1]

Probably not much of a consolation, but I couldn't save my nephew either... and they waited until he was 2 MONTHS old before they did it. I wouldn't blame you for feeling discouraged, it feels awful. But as annie says, if one seed takes root, it's huge for one lucky boy.

[hummingbear]

[Slabobbin]

I understand mama. Sometimes it's easier on the heart that way.

[Paddington]

i think we all go through this. i honestly feel really alone when it comes to this IRL. thankfully, both my nephews are intact but i have decided i need to find some friends IRL that more support who i am....

*hugs mama* hang in there.

[Amaryllis]

We do what we can, when we can.
And that's all there is to it.

[Frankly Speaking]

These feelings of frustration are normal and to be expected. We'd all like to wave a magic wand and have it disappear overnight but something that's so culturally ingrained just doesn't dissapear that easily.

We also suffer burn-out and frustration because we get too emotionally invested in it.

But, if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth doing. There wouldn't be the feelings of elation we have when we make a quantifiable difference. It's easy to take a snap-shot of time and get discouraged but you can't do that. You have to look at long term. We have almost wiped circumcision out in Canada and we have mortally wounded it in The US. We can't stop now and let it make a recovery and resurgence. We've got to make that final death blow.


Frank

[Leiahs]

I couldn't save my nephew either. But I also can't live my life being angry at my sister....so I try not to think about it. Maybe I can give him restoration info when he turns 18, and maybe I can convince HIM to leave his sons intact.

Right now I need to talk to my next youngest sister. I had an IM conversation with her the other day, and she's getting really close to a certain guy, and they apparently spend hours every day just talking on the phone. They've even talked about things like how many kids they would have. So I brought up whether she's thought about birthing, breastfeeding, etc., then gingerly asked if she'd thought about circumcision. I told her how if I could change just ONE THING in this world, it would be that no baby boy would ever be circumcised again. She was surprised at that. When pressed, she would just say that it would be something she would discuss with her future husband when it came time. And I asked her if I could send her some info to read, and she thought that would be a very good idea. But I've been procrastinating....

....I recently watched the full-length circumcision video out there. I had never watched the whole thing before, just the shortest version available, and before I really knew all the facts about circumcision. I cried harder than I've cried in YEARS. I've probably only cried that hard for two other things - my grandmother's funeral and when my first boyfriend (who I honestly thought was my soulmate) broke up with me. After watching the video I felt so sick. So HORRIBLE that anyone can do something like that to their sons, without even realizing WHAT they are doing. If I could have reached through the internet and grabbed that doctor, I literally would have beat him to a pulp for hurting that baby boy. His screams....oh, his screams. How could any mother hear that and not want to run with her baby and hide under the deepest mountain to protect him?

Right now I'm trying to just work on my anger associated with the whole issue. I feel like I need to convince people without wanting to strangle them if they make the wrong choice. But at the same time, I feel like without that anger, nobody will "get it". I don't know if I would have ever taken the time to learn more if a few people hadn't told me point-blank exactly what they think about circumcision.

Anyway, my thoughts are kind of meandering from the original post....just re-reading Frank's post makes me feel better about the issue. The emotions are just something we all have to muddle through. There will be ups and downs, but hopefully with time, we'll see so many more ups.

[mom2savannah_grace]

I know how you feel. I, too, was unable to save my nephew and the sons of two of my friends, one of which is only four days old. I haven't even contacted them since the birth because I am too brokenhearted.

The only successes that I have had are two moms from a local internet board I belong to who decided to keep their sons intact after repeated info about circ posted there.

Some days I wonder why I even try to change the minds of the stubborn.

[kxsiven]

Something to think about though.

1870 circ rate in USA was 1%

1905 when circumcision was really forced into American minds(oh that evil masturbation)circ rate was ~25%

1970 circ rate was over 90%.

But

Today circumcision rate is ~55%. Just think how quickly it has come down!!! And in 20 years today's children will be adults, making new babies, we can only imagine how low circ rates will be then .

[feebeeglee]

I'm like that too. My brother in law cut his first two sons proudly and turned a completely deaf ear to anything Sean or I had to say about it - and truly, would have cut his third as well, but he was adopted at 4mos, so they had insurance issues since it was no longer a nb circ - but the fact that they couldn't cut their third son has now caused them to decide that they won't cut any future sons either.

I'm staying away from this issue too. I find myself too involved with it to the detriment of my own sweet perfect family. I know that I have influenced many, many mothers and fathers (future and present) to consider circumcision and decide against it. I am happy with that. I don't get nearly as involved as I used to.

Sometime this month I'll be having a baby shower given by the women at my church - and I'm making a little speech about circumcision. Most of them will no doubt think I'm weird, but one or two will hear it and it will *click*.

I totally feel your sense of burnout. You guys have been through so much with Charlie too, your reserves of emotional strength are no doubt completely depleted.

Give yourself some time and don't feel guilty about it if you can. You are making a difference, I promise.

[Shaunam]

I had a whole post written out about my feelings, but MDC lost it. blah

Anyways, I read this and it seems like a really good time to bring up circ.

Originally Posted by feebeeglee

Sometime this month I'll be having a baby shower given by the women at my church - and I'm making a little speech about circumcision. Most of them will no doubt think I'm weird, but one or two will hear it and it will *click*.

I'd never thought about it before. Anytime you try to bring up circ, or even just stray into the conversation, people complain that you're pushing your opinions on them or get upset. But if you do it at your OWN baby shower, what can they say? You can even preface the speech by saying, "Many of you have questioned our decision to not have X circ'ed and I'd like to take this opportunity to explain our reasons...." and then end it by saying, "I know you all care about X's well-being and you may think circ is necessary for good health (or whatever most of their reasons are), but we have researched it thoroughly and feel it is.....(insert how you feel about it). We have made up our mind and this topic is no longer up for discussion."

I think that would have shut my family up for good!

It's great because you're not singling anyone out, you can end the discussion of it altogether, educate people, and let people know that questioning your decision is not an appropriate thing to do. All in the span of about 5 minutes.

Ingenius, really. If i ever have another baby boy, I'm totally doing that!

Tell us how it goes!

And sorry for hi-jacking the thread.

[Quirky]

Phoebe! Congratulations! Guess I haven't checked out your blog in a long time - I had no idea you were having a baby!

Beatrice is beautiful!

[cravenab00]

i couldnt save my own sons!
my medical training was burned into my skull.

when everything hit me at once, i went through emotional hell.

I live every day with intense guilt and horrible regret.
Alot of times, I cant even come here, because just thinking about it, brings it all back.
The only thing that helps, (slightly) is attempting to educate every parent I see. but the feelings will never go away.

HUGS

[MistyMM]

I couldn't even save my first son! Really, since I learned the truth about circumcision, and have walked and fought the fight, it gets wary and tiresome, but it is worth it. Sometimes it helps to just take a breather from it. Some things that I do that don't _require_ human interaction with the blatently ignorant people are:
Leaving business cards I had printed up for free at vistaprint that say "circumcision is ending in america visit www.nocirc.org for more information" or "Your welcome shapes his world! Bring your "whole" baby home!" or "are ALL baby boys born defective? And require surgical correction? NO! Find out more at http://www.nocirc.org"

My utomost favorite "PREGNANT?? TRYING TO CONCEIVE? visit http://www.nocirc.org"

I leave these littered around the baby aisles of stores I don't even shop in (like walmart, or babies r us) specifically to leave the cards around. I put them in "whta to expect when you're expecting" and other such books at borders or barnes and nobles. it really is refreshing

Misty

[baybee]

Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking

These feelings of frustration are normal and to be expected. We'd all like to wave a magic wand and have it disappear overnight but something that's so culturally ingrained just doesn't dissapear that easily.

We also suffer burn-out and frustration because we get too emotionally invested in it.

But, if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth doing. There wouldn't be the feelings of elation we have when we make a quantifiable difference. It's easy to take a snap-shot of time and get discouraged but you can't do that. You have to look at long term. We have almost wiped circumcision out in Canada and we have mortally wounded it in The US. We can't stop now and let it make a recovery and resurgence. We've got to make that final death blow.


Frank

Frank, thanks for your words of wisdom and inspiration. Only part I don't agree with is the last sentence. We're striking a blow for freedom with this work, it's about the aliveness of everyone on the planet. I know what you mean and I know what you're committed to, I'm just being rigourous with you about the languaging. You educate from your stand and you are one of the most peaceful people around. Did you just have a big testosterone rush when you wrote that?
Baybee