Originally Posted by CarenSwan
I think it's easy to take things for granted in the day-to-day exhaustion, but the reality is that we only have the moment right now! Anyway, I hope my thoughts aren't too morbid for ya'll, that's just what's on my mind right now.
Thank you for the support. I appreciate it. I cleaned her bowls out today and will put them downstairs in the cat carrier. I'm giving away her expensive food on freecycle. I barely slept last night; my eyes are swollen and red.
That quote above is where I am right now. We only have the current moment. When I'm rushing around, trying to get my hair and teeth brushed, eat oatmeal, nurse and get out the door for the work it is SO hard to stop, breathe and appreciate this moment, this life, this wonderful time I've been given. Every moment is a gift, especially every moment with my DH and baby.
I feel guilty about the cat. I'd not spent as much time with her since O was born and the cat was my first baby. You pet owners will understand. =) The night before she died, she put a paw up on my lap to request more food. DH picked her up and rubbed her back and we both gave her some love. Then I stood up and the cat jumped from DH's arms because she really wanted more food. I fed her and was thinking how it's been 6 months and I'm less freaked out about motherhood than I was in the first few weeks. So I'd planned to pay more attention to the cat now that I was less overwhelmed. I learned the hard way life isn't like that. We can't say I'm going to pay less attention now and pay more attention later because there might not be a later.
What I learned is I want to be present starting today. When baby is playing, I don't want to think about the bills or work or what to eat for lunch. I want to be with the baby. Yesterday was the day i started to do that.