Kindergarten - younger or older? (xpost)

[lauriem33]

My dd will turn 5 in June and technically will be old enough for kindergarten. She is in preschool this year and really loves it now but it took about two months for her to adjust and be able to separate from me without crying. My dilemma is whether or not to have her do another year of preschool or send her to kindergarten.

In preschool there are only 7 kids in her class and it's two afternoons a week, which is the perfect setting for her personality type. She tried a gymnastics class last summer with about 15-20 kids and was completely overwhelmed and could not handle it. Kindergarten would be around 20 kids, all day, for 5 days a week. I thought for most of this year that there was no way she should go to kindergarten in the fall, as I know some school districts you have to be 5 even before the summer to attend (ours is 5 by the end of August). I guess I'm just looking for what others who maybe have BTDT have to say on the issue of when to start kindergarten.

[Verity]

I am struggling with this issue as I write. My youngest turns 5 May 30th; our school district's cutoff date is September 1. With our older kids, we've gone different ways.

Our oldest is a boy whose birthday is May 22. Partly because I was just plain scared of public school at that point, and partly because the trend is to wait for school with kids with summer or late spring birthdays, particularly boys, we opted for private, half-day kindergarten. It was true half day, 9-1 M-F, with no extended hours at all. Ds had a rough transition to all day school the next year, in first grade. Maybe we should have repeated kindergarten with him. I keep second-guessing that decision, though less so now (ds is in sixth grade) than in third grade or so. He makes good grades, but has never been as motivated as our middle child. I don't know if that's because he started first grade before he was really ready or just his personality.

Our second child is a girl with a November birthday. I didn't even consider not sending her to public K. She has done very well in school.

Our third child is a girl with a late May birthday. I am torn about whether to send her to public K. She is making a lot of progress in dealing with social situations with both peers and adults, but I don't know if it's enough progress. In private K, she'd be in a class of 10; in public, she'd be in a class probably twice that size. (The maximum class size is 20, though we lucked out with our other dd in that her public K class was only 16.)

I keep going back and forth about what to do. Thinking about how my ds struggled with first grade, I wonder if public K would have prepared him better for it. I know dd will be in public first grade (private school isn't an option beyond kindergarten for us), so maybe it would be better for her to go ahead with public K? I can look at my middle child and know that public K was a good option for her, but will it be equally good for her sister, who would start six months younger?

It is hard to separate what's truly best for my dd from the other issues. Do I want her in private K because I want, just for a year, to feel like a better parent? (Part of me feels that the best parents homeschool, the next best send their kids to private school, and then there are the slackers, like me, who use the public schools. )

I think most of my post goes to the issue of where to start kindergarten rather than when, but maybe some of it was helpful.

[Karry]

My older son turns 5 in June also and we are planning on sending him to kindergarten this fall. The cutoff in our area is Sept 1. My oldest has a July birthday and started kindergarten after just turning 5. She did fine in kindergarten, but had a harder time adjusting to first grade. We are going to try having him attend all day kindergarten and see how he does. I can always take him out of the afternoon part if it seems like too much for him. Right now he attends preschool 3 days a week in the morning. His teacher seems to think he will do fine in kindergarten. I'm not as concerned about kindergarten as I am with first grade. I think that is a harder adjustment because it is a lot more sitting and doing work while in kindergarten they get to play more.

[lauriem33]

Originally Posted by Verity

I keep going back and forth about what to do. Thinking about how my ds struggled with first grade, I wonder if public K would have prepared him better for it. I know dd will be in public first grade (private school isn't an option beyond kindergarten for us), so maybe it would be better for her to go ahead with public K? I can look at my middle child and know that public K was a good option for her, but will it be equally good for her sister, who would start six months younger?

This is what I struggle with also. She is in a small private preschool that has a small K-8 school as well. So I considered having her do kindergarten there since it's only 3 full days a week and a way smaller class than public. But then I thought I'm pretty sure we will have to do public by first grade because of the cost issue, so I'd hate to send her into a new school that's about 10x bigger, with classes twice the size, and kids who already know their way around due to already being in kindergarten there.

My older dd has been in the public school since K so I know the school and teachers and I feel like it's a really great school. BUT, my younger dd will be a whole 8 months younger than she was at the start of K if she started K this year. I just wish we could afford to send them both to the private and eliminate all my issues with when to start, class size, not wanting to do the public middle school (until they would have to go to high school and integrate with all the kids they don't know at that hard age.....). I guess there's no easy answers. :

[Verity]

Originally Posted by lauriem33

I'd hate to send her into a new school that's about 10x bigger, with classes twice the size, and kids who already know their way around due to already being in kindergarten there.

My older dd has been in the public school since K so I know the school and teachers and I feel like it's a really great school. BUT, my younger dd will be a whole 8 months younger than she was at the start of K if she started K this year. I just wish we could afford to send them both to the private and eliminate all my issues with when to start, class size, not wanting to do the public middle school (until they would have to go to high school and integrate with all the kids they don't know at that hard age.....). I guess there's no easy answers. :

Yes, yes, and yes. I am in almost exactly the same spot. I have the same dilemma about kindergarten for our youngest--small private school with small classes vs. huge but good public, the school she will attend in first grade. The only difference is that we have a ds who is in public middle school. (This is our first experience with middle school--dh and I both grew up in school systems in which elementary school was grades 1-7 (no public K way back when) and high school was grades 8-12.) Just FWIW, I know someone whose dd went to private school through 6th grade, and her parents switched her to public middle partly for the reason you mentioned: getting to know kids she'll go to high school with. Their dd actually prefers public middle to the private school she attended.

Staying with pretty much the same group of kids was always a plus for us about not moving around and having our kids in the same school system. Now we've learned that we may well have to change school districts. Our area is growing and new schools are being built, so we probably will be redistricted, so ds may well end up in high school with a lot of kids he doesn't know. :

[ChristaN]

We were in the same spot with dds' bds in late August and late Sept. My bd is also in Sept. and I started K a few weeks before I turned 5. We started both of our girls right before they turned 5 as well. The cut off here was 5 by 9/15 until this year when they moved it to 5 by 10/1. My younger dd would not have been able to start last year, but this year was (she turned 5 on 9/27).

One of the articles that really influenced my decision was: http://www.journal.naeyc.org/btj/200...yingKEntry.pdf

There was another article that lead me to the same conclusion, but I can't find it now! In any case, I do not regret for a minute starting my dds when I did and it was never a problem for me either to be one of the youngest in my class. I actually wish that my parents had allowed me to be grade accelerated, as was offered when I was in elementary school, b/c I never developed any study habits since I kind of coasted through school without ever having to work. That really hurt me in undergrad school and was a part of the reason why I didn't want my girls to be the oldest in their classes. More than fearing early boredom for them, I worried about lack of study habits b/c the work would not be challenging enough to require any real effort from them. We are actually running into that with my older dd already and trying to come up with ways to address it.

That all said, I didn't not have the issue that you mention of a child being very shy and having a hard time separating. My older dd is very introverted, but she does well with older children (actually better than with younger kids) and her personality was not going to change over time, so I didn't know that holding her out would make it easier, if that makes sense. It does sound like the small private K would be a better fit for her personality, but I do agree that being the "new kid" in first grade would not be great.

I guess that the major things that I would take into account are:
1) do you think that she is ready academically?
2) do you think that another year will make it easier on her to be in a larger classroom or is it just her personality to do better smaller groups? (i.e. -- is her shyness/dislike of change developmental or a personal characteristic that will likely not change?)
3) does she get along and fit in better when she is the oldest or the youngest in the group? -- Wouldn't it be ideal if she could be in the middle?! I have always struggled with that. My girls, too, are either going to be the youngest or the oldest in everything I put them it. For my kids, being the youngest seems better than being the oldest, but I wish that I had known that I was having them at the wrong time of the year when I got pg !

[j4m4d8]

There's already been so many great posts on this subject! But one thing I have to add is that it can be very difficult to be the first kid to hit puberty in your class and, while there are no set timetables, being a year older than everyone else is more likely to make that happen. Since I had a friend that really struggled with that, I worry some about my daughter who will be one of the oldest kids in her class.

[Ellien C]

I was a late starter for kindergarten. At the time my mother had 3 teenagers and saw what was going on and decided it was worse to be a little less mature than a little more mature than your friends. For us it wasn't much of an issue since we were late/on-time for puberty. No early bloomers. In the end I'm glad she did it.

DH and I both had enrichment work in school, so boredom wasn't an issue. It was good to be getting my license and everything with my peers and not waiting a year.

PS - This other thread indirectly discusses some pros and cons of late vs early starters.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=131904

[Leatherette]

I would take away all other variables and just ask myself, "Is she ready now?" And I think that you are the best judge of that.

I was the youngest kid in my class, did very well academically and socially, and still one of the first to get my period. I waited an extra year after I was old enough to drive to get my license, because I didn't want to drive yet. You can't predict these future variables.

My son started kindergarten when he was still 4, turned 5 in October. He was very ready. I think we have a genetic predisposition to develop early in my family. I have friends whose sons are not starting until they are 6, and I think they have made a good choice based on their kids' readiness. I don't think it has any bearing on their future successes, at least not anymore than the 100's of other variables that influence that.

Good luck. It is a tough decision. I agonized over mine, mostly because I was looking for advice from people who didn't know my son like I do.

L.

[ImoKit]

I go to school in England where you start reception (the equivalent of kindergarten) at 4. I was born in July, and went to a public school (4-11) a within two months of my 4th birthday doing half days for a little while and then transitioning to full days after a month or so.
My brother turned 4 last June and started school last september and he loves it. On the other hand the fact that in his area the younger you are the longer you do half days and he will not be starting full days until easter could hint that some people think 4 is too young.
I know the system is different in the US, but thought that it was vaguely relevent that the entire English system is based on starting at aged 4, and goes up to year 13, doesn't seem to be adversely affecting people.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by Leatherette

I would take away all other variables and just ask myself, "Is she ready now?" And I think that you are the best judge of that.

I was the youngest kid in my class, did very well academically and socially, and still one of the first to get my period. I waited an extra year after I was old enough to drive to get my license, because I didn't want to drive yet. You can't predict these future variables.

Thank you for stating that so clearly.

I do worry about the future. But I really feel like I need to make the choices that are right *now* and make the choices based on later facts, later.

[LadyMarmalade]

When does the school year start in the US? If it's July, possibly. Early August, probably not. It's not just whether she's ready *now* that you have to consider. Think about how she'll be in 10 years time ... she might not be coping as well as the other kids socially or emotionally. When kids hit their teens a few months can make a big difference in maturity - and if she's consistently lagging behind, just a little, it can make things really hard.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by caloli

When does the school year start in the US? If it's July, possibly. Early August, probably not.

School generally starts early September in the US. There is a range from August-late Sept, though.

[lauriem33]

Yes, our school starts after Labor day so about the first week of Sept. I think I have decided that we will do another year of preschool. I guess I can't see how being a bit older will hurt her, whereas I can see ways that being younger could be difficult, yk?

[LadyMarmalade]

I know exactly what you mean I did the same for my kids and they've coped much, much better than the kids who are a year younger (but still 'old enough' to go to school). The confidence they have from their emotional and social maturity helps them to deal with issues capably, whereas the younger kids seem to struggle that little bit more. School is such a HUGE change for them that I wanted to make it as smooth and easy as possible.

Lots of younger kids do cope just fine ... but I wasn't willing to risk my child being the one who didn't.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by lauriem33

Yes, our school starts after Labor day so about the first week of Sept. I think I have decided that we will do another year of preschool. I guess I can't see how being a bit older will hurt her, whereas I can see ways that being younger could be difficult, yk?

I support your decision either way, but to answer the question:

Boredom is a huge issue in school--- being the oldest makes it more likely, IMO.

Girls who physically develop earlier are more likely to have self-esteem issues.

IME, major rebellers are often among the oldest in highschool. Esp in senior year when they are legal adults the whole year. (I didn't have my DD start school according to district guidelines, but I had concerns about *her* specifically. With DS I don't so he will start "on time" until/unless we experience otherwise *with him*)

If she is emotionally mature it will be hard for her to find equally mature friends among her classmates (children's definitions of "friendship" changes as they age and it can be very depressing to have an older definition of friendship and be surrounded by people who are not yet ready to meet it).

For more info:
http://www.journal.naeyc.org/btj/200...yingKEntry.pdf

I truly believe that unless you have *specific* concerns about your individual child they should generally start school when the district guidelines would suggest.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by lauriem33

Yes, our school starts after Labor day so about the first week of Sept. I think I have decided that we will do another year of preschool. I guess I can't see how being a bit older will hurt her, whereas I can see ways that being younger could be difficult, yk?

Oh, I noticed that you have two kids. One huge thing with us is how far apart they would be in school. My sister and I and my DP & his brother are the same age difference (appx 34 months). BUT, because of our birthdays that put my sis & I 3 years apart in school and DP & his brother only 2. I think a lot of conflict with them was their *thinking* of themselves as being only two years apart in age, but actually being closer to three. When you considered the real age difference their skill levels were comprable, not so much when you considered their "school" age difference.

[Shantimama]

It is a tricky question. My first two children didn't go to K, they homeschooled until ds strted in grade 4 adn dd in grade 2 last fall. My youngest is the first one to go to K. The date cut off here is December 31, and her birthday is late November. She is the oldest in her class and there are advantages and disadvantages. She is the youngest at home and being an older child at school has been good for her self-image. Being the first to do things in the class is a nice balance to being the last in the family. She was not ready to go all day 5 days a week last September, although academically she was more than ready to start grade one French Immersion. She would have been in a split class with her sister and it is nice to have them in different classes in terms of friendships. The down side is that she is bored, if she were homeschooling she would be miles ahead of what the school offers her. I do things with her at home on her non-school days, but school doesn't challenge her much. I worry about her being the first to reach puberty, but that won't necessarily be the case.

We made the decision based on what was the best thing for her when it was time to start school - we cannot predict what will happen down the road. We will face those questions as they arise. Her teacher is going to offer her more interesting work for the rest of this year (we met last week) and in the fall she gets to learn to read, speak and write in a whole new language. I think that will be good for her.

[Tracy]

my son will be 5 in July.

He is very bright. Great.
But his emotions are so 'young'. I mean 'so' young.

we will NOT be starting K in september, we are definitely going to do another round of Pre-k next year.

I worry a bit about him not being challenged enough in school, but I think we will be able to find the right school...my whole thing is that I have friends who have boys who were born in the summer and now the boys are teens and both moms said the same thing, "I should have waited to put him in k when he was 6. It wasn't the elementary years that were hard on them, it was the junior and now high school years."

[EFmom]

My two girls are both near the cut off dates. We sent them earlier, rather than later. My younger was actually 4 when she started K. She's also a bit on the small side physically. They both did fine though, and I know they would have been bored to death waiting another year.