How do I handle this?

[SJane01]

I arranged for my 12yo to see a doctor friend of mine for puberty issues because he has not started growing what so ever, and this was verified by his normal pedia. but they refuse to do anything, and my husband refuses to do anything about it also, so.. Ive arranged for him to see a woman doctor I know of who is a specialist in female children, but used to do males also before she specialized.

The thing is, he wants circumcised. I have talked to his father at length about this and his father is completely and totaly 100% against it until he's 18 or older. I am borderline but completely against infant circumcision.

Because of his lack of development his foreskin did not separate from his glans until about 14-15 months ago, sometime when he was 11. At that time his penis got extremely irritated and we took him to his pedia. who recomended that he be circumcised. My husband rejected this. Now, this past summer he had issues with his foreskin being tight and he could not retract it to clean himself, so another trip to the doctors, another recomendation of circumcision. But my husband rejected it again, and the doctors told him, and showed him how to do streching. Over the next few months he researched circumcision and found out that he wanted it done. at one of his checkups my husband and his doctor tricked him and it pisssed me off. They were prepared to allow him to be circumcised and they even went as far as putting the plastibell on his penis, and then they said.. now do you really, really want to do this? We can give you cream and the cream will help you and you dont have to have this done.. They basically talked him out of it and made him feel guilty for wanting it done.

Now.. Since he is going to see my friend, I brought up the issue and she said that she can circumcise him right then and there, but she needs both parents consent, and I KNOW I can not get it from my husband.

I know that he is going to ask her about it, and I know it is going to make a very sore spot in the family again.

I just want my son to be happy. I would prefer him to stay intact, but I think its his choice.



While i have some readers attention.. another thing. Do you know anything about HRT repplacement therapy in boys? I have gotten no details yet from my friend, but with the mesaurements that was taken of my sons testicles at his last drs visit they said he has not matured at all since he was a little tiny boy, they said his testies were about 1ml each. I have seen him undressed and, yes.. his boy parts are not what you would expect from a 5' 105lb boy.

[SJane01]

One further thing.

He still wets the bed and I have been told in another forum that having him circumcised would help this, but I think its a ton of BS... is there any truth to this?

[alegna]

Your son is having other issues and is in no mental state to choose to cut off a major part of his body. If he still wants it done at 18 then you can offer to pay for it if you feel strongly about it but no way I'd do it at this point. And to my knowledge there is no way anyone should offer to circ. in office at this point- it needs to be done under general.

-Angela

[paquerette]

Why does he say he wants to be circumcised? Have you and he completely gone over all the detriments of the procedure with him? Does he know what he would be giving up? I think this decision should definately wait until he has more maturity, ideally at least until he becomes sexually active and understands the functions of his foreskin.

I don't know exactly what the timeframe for puberty in boys is, but I remember at 12 that most of us girls were starting it, and only a few of the boys. So there may not be anything unusual about his development.

[SJane01]

Originally Posted by paquerette

Why does he say he wants to be circumcised? Have you and he completely gone over all the detriments of the procedure with him? Does he know what he would be giving up? I think this decision should definately wait until he has more maturity, ideally at least until he becomes sexually active and understands the functions of his foreskin.

I don't know exactly what the timeframe for puberty in boys is, but I remember at 12 that most of us girls were starting it, and only a few of the boys. So there may not be anything unusual about his development.

He's a guy.. Im a woman.. He refuses to talk to me about his penis. I had to more or less corner him when I had to help him bathe with his cast on last week to get to see his issues. I wasnt prepared to even talk with my pedia. friend until I saw them for myself last week, because he would refuse to let me see.

but from what I gather from what he told me last week, and what he told his father, he is not happy with having a very long foreskin, as when he is soft his penis is not long enough to retract the foreskin to urinate right or clean it right, and he thinks it makes his masturbation time harder.

[LeosMama]

12 years old is not old enough for you to be worrying about puberty.

And it is not old enough for you to be thinking that foreskin separation is late. Many boys do not have separation until after puberty.

You need to chill and leave him alone. He does not have physical problems or puberty delay. He has something emotional going on. Where did he get the idea that his sexual development is delayed? From his peers? Or from you?

I totally agree with your husband that he is too young to choose circumcision. His penis is not fully developed yet. He will learn to masturbate 'better' when it is more developed, when he is older. I think the foreskin being 'too long' right now is related to him not being in advanced puberty yet. Puberty is the time that the penis grows into adult size. If he's not at that point yet, then it's no wonder that his foreskin is 'longer' than he might like.

Is he around other boys who are circumcised? Are they filling his head with this nonsense about his foreskin being too long? He needs to learn about the superiority of having a normal, intact penis.

He needs to be taught about his ridged band, his inner mucosal skin, his frenular delta, his un-keratinized glans. He needs to learn that his penis is sexually superior in every way to a cut male.

He may be developing slowly, but when he catches up with the 'faster' boys, he will be the superior sexual performer.

Many thirteen year old girls have not developed breasts. They see other girls with developing or even fully developed breasts. They are jealous of them, they think that they will never have big, sexy breasts like the other girls. So do you get them implants? Or do you teach them to be patient with their bodies? Do you teach them to love their bodies and appreciate their own beauty and sexual attractiveness with small or large breasts?

He should not have his body modified. He should have his perspective modified, which is the responsibility of his parents, to guide him and help him to grow and learn about himself, emotionally, sexually, intellectually.

This is a parenting challenge. It's not time to amputate parts of his genitals, it's time to parent him.

[SJane01]

OK I am feeling much better with the first couple replies on the circumcision thing.

But as for his puberty issue, his normal pediatrician says that his puberty is delayed because he has not grown at all and that his blood tests show a lack of a specfic horomone which i dont know the name of right now.. but they was going to give him a 'booster' shot in a year when he's 13.5..

He will be 13 in 3 months.

Well I will stand beside the hubby on the circumcision thing... But I still think a second oppinion the puberty issue is not a bad thing.

[alegna]

Growth hormones scare me. They don't know near enough about them and their side effects. I don't think I would even be CONSIDERING them yet in your shoes. I have seen reference to the possibility that they seriously increase the chance of cancer. Not something to toy with. It sounds like your son is well within the range of normal- I taught kids that age and some of the boys just didn't start growing until 14 or so.

-Angela

[Lula's Mom]

Great post, LeosMama.

I don't know the link offhand, but could someone give the OP the link to the video "The Prepuce?" I hear it is excellent for understanding the wonders of the foreskin.

[SJane01]

D is in 7th grade, and I know one of the issues he faces is that he is mortified about going to high school and not having hit puberty and showing the outward signs because our school district forces the children to shower.

[Yoshua]

I dont know your relationship with your son.


However, I feel you are majorly jumping the gun and worried about things that should be a non issue.

Puberty at 12?

I am a man, here is my personal experiance.

I did not hit my first growth spurt until i was 13 and a half, and I grew almost half a foot that summer and the beginning of the next school year. I did not even get pubic hair until I was in to the middle of the first trimester.

Puberty is not something you should be worried about, if a boy is developing at 12 or less they are EARLY bloomers. A late bloomer is about 14.

He may have friends that are early bloomers, but they do not make the majority of the children.

The tightness he may be feeling may be early signs of the growth. However I wouldn't know.

HRT is risky. I do not knwo why anyone would want to put hormones into their child.... He seems way to young to be concerned about this.

Your husband does not seem concerned, that is probably because he knows that this isn't as big of an issue as it seems to you.

Circumcision is not the answer to this in any way shape or form, the irritation your son experianced was probably the normal separation of the foreskin from the glans.

Anyways. I think that you are jumping the gun and there are some men who don't retract their foreskin until their late teens, so 12 is well within the normal age to 'start' retracting....

Dont know, I just worry that you may be worrying over nothing at all.


One more note... if he has not matured with puberty, he really wouldn't have a 'masturbation' time.... And if he did.... I am HIGHLY surprised that he would talk with you about it....

[SJane01]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

One more note... if he has not matured with puberty, he really wouldn't have a 'masturbation' time.... And if he did.... I am HIGHLY surprised that he would talk with you about it....

Boys can, and often do masturbate before puberty. It is a common occurance.

And, he did not talk to m e about it, this was relayed from his father.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

No one else has mentioned about the peeing the bed thing so i will. That was a old myth that was perpetrated to get parents to circ there sons. It ranks right up there with the masterbation and going blind crap. There is absolutly no connection between wetting the bed and the foreskin. What do u cut of little girls who wet the bed??? They are more likely to wet the bed than boys. Whoever told u this is so ignorent it makes me wanna :Puke

Your son has no idea yet the importance of his foreskin where sex is concerned it sounds like to me u need to sit down and have a talk with him or if that isnt something u feel comfortable doing u should print out pages of info to let him read on just what the foreskin is and how it works with sex. U need to tell him how lucky he is to be whole and unaltered. Your son is old enough to understand if he is given the proper information on his intact status. I think maybe some one has been talking to him possibly a friend and making him feel like he is different and needs it "fixed" Talk to him please find out the root of the problem.

Like one of the pp's said just retractable at 11 is well within the normal range. And if someone told u it wasnt then they need a intact penis education.

I am so happy that your husband wants to keep him intact. Usually it is the oposite.

Also think of it this way if it was your daughter coming to you wanting to have cosmetic surgery on her genitals I bet u good money you would not even consider it. Unless there was truly a physical problem. In your sons case from ur description he is totally normal. Also at least give him till 14 to worry about the puburty thing. Everyone is different some early bloomers some late. Shoot I was almost 16 before I had my first period and a girl I went to school with was 18 she and I both are fine and have kids. Give nature a chance to work before u try to push it along.

[kaylee18]

Forcing people to shower naked together is inappropriate and abusive.

If your son for some reason wants to attend a school where this is considered acceptable, he'll probably want to consider different ways of handling it - from showering with a bathing suit on, to bringing a change of clothes and changing in a private stall without showering (maybe use a washcloth over the sink for underarms), to being excused from gym altogether, to lobbying with the school to create more appropriate facilities.

About masturbation: Many, many children learn to masturbate before puberty. It is common and normal. Since circ. was at one time recommended for discouraging masturbation activity, and since a couple circ'd men I know cannot masturbate without lube added (due to the outer shaft skin not having enough length to slide up and down), I definitely would not consider circ. to offer any kind of masturbation advantage.

[+stella+]

Ok, this is just my opinion and I have no medical background in development. However, my son just had surgery because one of his testicles never developed in utero and the remains were in his abdomen and needed to be removed. I got into in depth convo with his doctor about the survival of his remaining testicle and how important it is to hormonal development.

This is what I would try to do if I was your sons mother. I believe if his testicles are underdeveloped at this age, and the hormonal blood tests back this up, then I would make a plan with him to try out hormonal replacement and see if his body begins to mature and then see how he feels about his foreskin. Not react to these problems at the same time. Right now he feels like he will never be like the other boys with facial hair or deep voices and if he is lacking the hormones the testicles provide, then he probably will not develope. He will probably be sterile as well, but the hormone replacement would help him mature in the other important ways. I know that injected hormone does have very real risk, but without them, (provided you get it proven his testicles wont make this hormone) he wont go through puberty or mature. This would be my first concern and tell him you both will tackle this problem before the foreskin one.

Also, I dont know how "legal" it is to force children to shower in any school. I know he might not want to be singled out as the one kid who is excused from this, but heck, i bet other kids dont want to do that as well and I dont see how in the state of the world today, a school system can force that on anyone. Not arguing with you that its not true, but maybe look into the validity of that rule as well.

Lastly, there is NO WAY that you leaving his foreskin with him at birth and him continuing to keep it with him to this point, that it caused his testicles to not form correctly. It might be a genetic thing, it might be a fluke, but it is NOT because he remained intact. DO not let yourself worry about that.

Anyway, I wish you tons of luck and offer support and hope you guys find a solution your son and you will be happy with, and I personally hope that maybe at his age hes thinking that circ will magically fix his hormone problem and if you can fix it another way, he wont mind how he is so much. If he is having emotional problems with this, he might not be thinking about it rationally and he just wants to convince himself that circ would be a quick fix to all.
I think you should explore the hormone levels, and the relation to the testicles or underdevelopted testicles, and deal with that issue before the one of his foreskin. Because if his body is really not making what it needs for puberty, therapy will be needed for him to mature regardless of circumcision or not.

love to you,

[Frankly Speaking]

SJane, I am not qualified to address the hormonal problem but the internet is a wonderful thing. Use it to research and become educated so that you can tell if the doctors are giving you current information or outdated information. A study about a year ago showed that if you presented at a hospital emergency room with a heart attack, you were far more likely to survive if your attending doctor has been in practice less than 10 years than if he had been in practice more than 20 years. Think about it the same way with your son's problem. Fortunately, you have the time to do the research where the heart attack victims do not.

A circumcision will have absolutely no effect on bedwetting. None, nada, zilch!

As for a circumcision for your son . . . Would you allow him to get tattoos if he wanted them? Of course not! You recognize that he is not old enough to fully consider all of the ramifications of such an action. It is your job as a parent to protect him from ill conceived notions such as this and you have the responsibility to protect him from unnecessary cosmetic surgery until he is mature enough to fully consider the ramifications of that decision. You do not owe him a circumcision and it is not your responsibility to provide one any more than it is your responsibility to provide a tattoo for him.



Frank

[+stella+]

I was thinking about you and your son in my bed tonight, I had to get up and come back. You need to have your ped refer you to an endocrinologist for the horomonal aspect. They are the type of doctor who could tell you as close to sure as you could get about the delayed puberty issue, and if it is a matter of missing hormone or something else. Please deal with this before you go to circ.
love,

[SJane01]

Originally Posted by +stella+

I was thinking about you and your son in my bed tonight, I had to get up and come back. You need to have your ped refer you to an endocrinologist for the horomonal aspect. They are the type of doctor who could tell you as close to sure as you could get about the delayed puberty issue, and if it is a matter of missing hormone or something else. Please deal with this before you go to circ.
love,

In january he had a complete blood makup done, he also had an ultrasound done on his testicles. I know that they tessted for FSH and LH and i really do not understand what the role is of these, but aparantly both was present but not in normal levels and they had said that his testicles had not grown any noticeable amount since he was like 2 years old.

I am playing catch up here and, I dont really know how to play catch up.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by SJane01

D is in 7th grade, and I know one of the issues he faces is that he is mortified about going to high school and not having hit puberty and showing the outward signs because our school district forces the children to shower.

Even where I grew up, in a small, hick, southern town, no one was required to shower during school. Methinks your sons school is stuck in the 1970s. Maybe you should take the school board information from other schools showing how showering is no longer considered necessary?

~Nay

[SJane01]

Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking

]
A circumcision will have absolutely no effect on bedwetting. None, nada, zilch!

It doesnt sound like it would does it! Thank you.