5-Year Old DS NOT Listening to Words

[lisamarie]

I have a 5 year old ds who is a very sensitive, sweet little boy. But..........recently in asking him to do things, especially when it comes to safety issues, he doesn't listen. Example: Last night he was playing w/a yo-yo and he doesn't know how to do it. Instead he just swings it around from the string. We have 3 dogs and I was concerned he might hit them or himself. He did end up hitting himself in the mouth too. Anyways, he decided to bring that to show-n-tell today. This a.m., he was swinging it around AGAIN and I told him AGAIN not to because he might hit someone. He said he wouldn't continue swinging it, but then immediately started back up. So, I told him, since he didn't listen to my words, he couldn't take it to show-n-tell today. He didn't put up much of a fuss, but I'm getting frustrated!:

Please, any suggestions on how to solve this issue? Thanks!

Oh and by the way, I'm glad this new thread exists!

[Lucy]

Oh my goodness, my dd, who will be 5 in a couple of months is doing the same type of thing. She does not listen to what I have to say, like she used to. When I tell her to stop doing st I can see turning into a disaster, like not being ready to ride her bike without the training wheels on, must learn to balance a little first, she either ignores me or gets upset that I voiced my opinion. I think she is at the age where she needs to see things for herself, kinda learning the hard way. I realize this is them striving to be independant . Many times, I let a not so disastrous consequence happen, like I did take off those training wheels (3 days later she asked for them back on), and she is happy bc she learned for herself, not just taking mom's word for it.

When it comes to a safety issue, you're right in stepping in, and stopping the behaviour. I don't have any advice on how to curb this though, I think its a natural part of growing up. It doesn't mean I don't want to tear my hair out at times! lol!

[lisamarie]

Thank you for sharing. That's why I like it here, I feel like I'm not alone. Your right about them striving for their independence.

[Alexander]

This is not a boy thing. I have a 5 1/2 dd who does the same.

Yes they are looking for independence, but also they are

1) testing to see that you are right, and the limit is where you say it is (probably it has not been and this has lead to a suspision that the world is a little different, and they wantto find out the truth)

2) Absorbed.

The solution to these little annoyances (they should not annoy in the first place by the way)

a) Stop telling them every little thing. So he gets cloncked on the mouth. Not that dangerous? You decide, but I bet there are a thousnad other little things that you need not say (you'll drop your egg! Both hands on the cup! Sit nearer the table! etc)

b) When it really matters, speak softly, and connect physically. i.e. hold the yoyo, give him a hug, put an apple slice in his mouth!

hope this helps

a

[SeattleMama]

My 4.9 y/o ds is doing the same thing, and it's been kind of a shock for us because he's always been so communicative. Now that we've sort of slowly coasted our way over this latest learning curve, we've figured out that (a) the louder we talk, the less he hears, and (b) the more upset we are, the less he responds. It seems so obvious but it's taken us a couple of months to figure out that staying calm but firm really works. Also, even when he's being incredibly uncooperative (and, let's admit it, obnoxious), he is easily redirected cuz he's still so young. Suggesting other things to do really works sometimes. That one took me a while to figure out too because he seems like such a big boy sometimes, but underneath that loud, oh-so-certain exterior is just this little kid who needs his parents to set him straight. Calmly!

[mtt/bc]

Alexander,

Thanks for your thoughts. I've tried to stop telling ds (4.5yrs) EVERYTHING and letting him figure some of it on his own. Easier said than done. After reading your post, I thought perhaps ds is getting confused with all the talking and just tuning me out. So when I need him to listen, I make contact first then tell him that we're going out and that he needs to get his shoes.

This IS a phase right? Hope so.