trying to decide how long to breast feed

[caedmyn]

I know I don't have to decide for a while, but I am really wrestling with deciding how long to BF my DD (she's 11 weeks). My tentative plan is to wean DD at about a year and then have a couple of months to "recharge" myself nutritionally before TTC again.

On the one hand, I know it is better for babies to nurse longer than a year. But on the other hand, I would really like to have my kids 2 years apart and I don't feel that is possible for me if I nurse much more than a year...I feel very strongly about not nursing while pregnant because I think that both pregnancy and breast feeding are very nutritionally demanding and the new baby is going to be the one getting short-shifted, which is not something I am willing to do...the only way I would nurse during pregnancy is if I accidentally got pregnant before DD is a year old (no offense to all those who do it, it is just not something I am going to do).

I know tandem nursing and nursing for several years are pretty popular here, and I am not looking to get into a debate on the merits of them...I guess I am just looking for support from anyone who has had similar thoughts or can offer any advice.

[krizty]

A year is so far away... It's hard to tell where our lives will be in 1 year. I decided I will start with a short date and possibly extend it. I am thinking 9 months would be a great starting point. That is how long my mom bf us. We were 2 years apart.

[bobandjess99]

I say this not condescendingly or rudely, but in a very friendly and helpful way, as i have been where you are...and am still there, LOL!!

But anyway, all i can say, is this...WAIT and SEE!!

You have no idea how things are going to go....you might find yourself at a year thinking..okay, great, lets wean and have another one....you might find yourself thinking..my gosh, there's no way i could possibly wean now...you might get a kid that, regardless of the nursing issue, makes you reconsider having a second one...for another year or two, or forever,LOL! You might be a women who gets your period back at 4 months post-partum, regarless of nursing, and finds yourself preggo at 5 months PP....or you might find yourself, even after weaning, in a battle with secondary infertility for 3 years before you conceive again.......

I guess, it's just one of those things that most people cant possibly know ahead of time...for example, before i had my baby, i *honestly* told my boss i would be taking a 12 week maternity leave and *definitely* coming back to work...the SECOND my daughter was born, i knew there was no way i could leave her.....I spent the 10 weeks crying thinking about going back, before i finally quit my job. Now, clearly, not everyone is like me, but that was just an example from my experience. On the flipside, another co-worker, who had planned an 8 week maternity leave, came back early, after only 6 weeks of leave, because she couldn't stand not working!!

You know, although some of the women on here have "strong views" about extended nursing....if you read different posts, many of them never intended for it to be that way...they didn't know when their baby was 11 weeks that they would nurse for 2 or 3 or more years..in fact, some will tell you they would have laughed in your face had you suggested it to them!!!...many of them started out thinking they would BF for 1 month..12 weeks...6 months...maybe a year...and then, simply found that keeping going was clearly what was natural and right for them......

I guess my point is..you really don't have to decide now.....in fact, you really probably shouldn't even try to decide now.....it's like trying to plan what youre going to have for lunch next november 21rst...??....


On a personal level, even though you said you have thought about it, I would just urge you to think again about why you want your children to be 2 years apart.....You clearly know about the benefits of nursing longer than a year, but perhaps you have not fully considered the impact of stopping then......you mention you do not believe in tandem nursing because the "new baby" will get short-shifted...well, conversely, if you stop nursing at a year, you are "short-shifting" the older child in favor of the "new baby"......not really trying to argue with you, just wondering if you have thought about it in that way?

Best of luck!!

[newmommy27]

when my little guy was born I committed to me and to him that i would nurse for a year...now that he is quickly approaching that milestone the idea of weaning seem not at all right for him....we too struggle with wanting to have more children and soon...I would love to be pregnant now...but as I work through wanting another child verses meeting the needs of a child that I already have for me it seems impossible to wean in an effort to conceive...that's just my .02 cents....

hth

[AutumnMama]

Well, I agree that 11 weeks is really young to be thinking about it, but it's good to set goals for yourself

With DD I knew I wanted to nurse her for at least a year. Once she reached 11-12 months I just really didn't feel like that was what either of us wanted.
12 months old really isn't that old, she was still such a baby!

So I set another goal of 18 months, when that was getting a little closer I started reading more and was wanting to go closer to 2 years.

Well, I happened to get pregnant when she was 16-ish months old, and ended up weaning her a few days before she turned 19 months.


So, with DS I knew that I wanted to make it my goal to let him nurse for two years, then just play it by ear.
He turned 2 early last month, and (as you can see by my sig) I'm 13 weeks pregnant.
I'm not really excited about nursing while I'm pregnant (my milk supply is practically zilch, so I know he's not taking much-if anything-from me/the new baby), but I'm still kind of playing it by ear since he's really attached to nursing, especially to go to sleep.
But that's really neither here nor there I suppose


I wanted mine to be 2 years apart, my siblings and I were (there are three of us, I'm the oldest) so I thought that was really 'the best'...
Honestly though, I really wish I would've spaced them out another year.
I know DD wasn't ready to wean when I weaned her, and that caused some issues that I'm still dealing with to a certian extent today.
Plus I think it would be quite a bit easier, as there is a marked difference in maturity between 2 and 3 years

Anyway, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just offering my experience and opinion from having done the 2 year thing

I say set your goal for 1 year minimum, and just see how you both feel then

[PinkSunfish]

I agree with the other posters, don't get stressed about setting arbitary limits, especially at this satge. You have no idea where you will be in a years time.

I thought I would like to BF to two years but I didn't actually expect to be still doing it, I didn't expect to nurse through a pregnancy and I certianly didn't intend to be tandem nursing (which is what is going to happen when I have the baby). I didn't expect to have a child who *refused* solids until she was 13 months and didn't eat "properly" until she was 17 months which required that she get all her nutrition form BM for all that time.

Obviously what you do is up to you but let me reassure you that the baby does not get short changed by nursing through pregnancy (you might do if you don't eat well). I am clearly going to have another big baby so I don't think DD's continued nursng has had any detrimental effects.

[sarahmck]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. My husband really wants to have our kids close together. Our dd is almost 10 months old. My husband would have ideally had our kids 18 months apart, but he really wants them at least 2 years apart. I'm not as committed to the really close spacing as he is, but I'd like to have them no more than 3 years apart.

Anyway, my daughter is still almost exclusively breastfed. She eats some food at dinner time when we eat and that's it. I feed her every couple of hours during the day and never go more than 6 hours without feeding her at night (and that would be a really fabulous night), so I don't have my period back yet. I've decided that I'm not going to let our desires to have another baby effect how I feed my current baby. So until I get my period back naturally based on my baby's feeding cues, I won't be getting pregnant. Once I do, though, I will have to decide if I'll wean her or try to tandem. I'm very torn about that subject because I've read about nursing aversions while pregnant and really painful nipples and it just seems to me like maybe nature is trying to tell us that we're not meant to still have one nursing while we're pregnant. That said, I'd like to have my cake and eat it too by having my babies close together AND letting them nurse as long as they want to. Dilemmas.

Good luck. I agree with everyone else that you ought to set a basic minimum goal now, but don't have it in your head that you will start to wean at a certain date, just that you will definitely breastfeed up to a certain date and then decide when that date arrives.

[PinkSunfish]

Hi Sarah,

I was in the same position as you are now when DD was 10 months the only difference being that my period returned at 8 months pp (much to my surprose as DD wasfeeding evry 2 hours in the night still then).

My DH also wanted babies 18 months apart (FAR too close together for me) and my ideal was 2 years. I came to the same conclusion as you, I wasn't going to disrupt DD's feeding for a putative new baby so TTC might have to be on hold for a while.

DD started eaiting solids at 13 months and her eating gradually improved until she started eating VERY well at 17 months (when we gave her metal tipped cutlery). We started casually TTCing when DD was 13 months and conceived the next month!

I expected that DD would wean during the pregnancy (as that was what happened with other babies I knew) however she is still BFing now (although only for going to sleep and getting her back to sleep). I have had some nipple tenderness but not as bad as I thought it might be (and nowehere near as bad as during my first pregnancy). I am pretty ready for DD to wean but she is definately NOT so it looks like we will be tandem feeding which I hope will aid the trasition from singleton to big sister.

Just thought I would let you know that you are not alone in your situation.
I just tend to cross every BFing "bridge" as I come to it. This website is so helpful for keeping me feeling positive about what I am doing as I don't know anyone IRL who has fed as long as me, fed through a pregnancy or tandem nursed. Luckily most people I know are very supportive and those who aren't wouldn't dare be openly critical !

[turtlemama77]

It sounds like you have your mind made up already about nursing while pregnant, OP, and that's cool, but for the benefit of other posters/lurkers, I'd like to correct a tiny bit of misinformation. From my reading and research, yes, nursing while pregnant is demanding nutritionally. However, the baby is NOT short shrifted or lacking in anything. Our bodies have a way of working so that the unborn baby gets what he/she needs, then the breastfeeding babe gets nutrients, and mama comes last. A woman who is taking care of herself, resting enough, eating a balanced diet, etc, will generally have no problems nursing through pregnancy and going on to have a healthy baby. I'm not saying it's an easy road all the time, but really, no one is suffering because of it.

That said, I agree with pp's...a year is a long time away. I didn't picture myself nursing past six months, let alone nursing a toddler while pregnant. It was amazing to me to see that when dd turned a year old, she really wasn't radically different, and actually still seemed very much a baby to me. Taking it one day at a time has really helped us in our breastfeeding relationship.

Good luck!

[LoveChild421]

When ds was born I set 6 weeks as a "goal" and then 6 months and then a year. Now he's going to be 1 year old in a few days and I honestly can't imagine weaning him- he would be a wreck- he already gets very upset if I try to postpone nursing him for a few minutes. He still depends on nursing so much emotionally as well as nutritionally. I wouldn't be able to wean him right now if I wanted to without major fits and lots of tears- and he's too young to understand if I tried to explain it to him.

From my experience- it is usually the nursling that ends up short changed rather than the developing baby- many mom's find their milk dries up during pregnancy or their supply diminishes greatly- it seems to me that this is a natural way to ensure that the growing baby gets plenty of nourishment.

[DoubleOven]

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[Hayes]

Welcome mama! As for nursing during pregnancy, I have done it before, and am doing it right now! My nursling is only 10 months old, so not ready to wean yet.

As for baby getting the short straw with regards to nutrition, it is actually quite the opposite! Your babe in utero will get nutrients first, simply because of how the body processes your food. Your nursling will get second billing, but that won't matterm uch since she will be, I would imagine, eating some solids by then so breatmilk needn't be the most important source of nutrition for her.

You will be the one who will have to watch your nutrition closely as your body will get what is left.

I agree with what most have said, wait and see. Since I was nursing while pregnant, my two older children both weaned around a year old. My milk was almost gone, they both ate plenty of solids, I wasn';t worried about them.

With my 3rd, I was able to REALLY enjoy our nursing since Iw asn't pregnant! hjowever, he completely self weaned at around 15 months. He woke up one morning and didn't want milk. We went to bed, and I realized he hadn't nursed all day. The next day was the same. I offered, he said no. And that was that!

Best wishes in a lovely nursing relationship with your baby. Take it one day at a time and enjoy all the wonderful moments that come with nursing!

[caedmyn]

I have to disagree with those who are saying that the babe in utero gets their nutrition first--the research I have done indicates that the mother gets their nutrition first and the babe has to take what is left. I know this is not what most doctors will tell you or the traditional view, but when you really research it that is what actually happens. It makes sense if you stop and think about it--the mother is naturally the stronger party so it is God's way of making sure the one who is more likely to survive survives if only one can.

Someone mentioned something else I had thought about--since many people have low supply and other issues while nursing while pregnant, it seems to me that we are not meant to nurse while pregnant.

I guess I will have to wait until DD is closer to a year and see how I feel/how she is doing eating solids, etc. I just like to try to plan everything out in advance--I'm a bit of a micro-manager! But I guess on this I will just have to wait and see how it goes.

[turtlemama77]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

I have to disagree with those who are saying that the babe in utero gets their nutrition first--the research I have done indicates that the mother gets their nutrition first and the babe has to take what is left. I know this is not what most doctors will tell you or the traditional view, but when you really research it that is what actually happens. It makes sense if you stop and think about it--the mother is naturally the stronger party so it is God's way of making sure the one who is more likely to survive survives if only one can.

Someone mentioned something else I had thought about--since many people have low supply and other issues while nursing while pregnant, it seems to me that we are not meant to nurse while pregnant.

I guess I will have to wait until DD is closer to a year and see how I feel/how she is doing eating solids, etc. I just like to try to plan everything out in advance--I'm a bit of a micro-manager! But I guess on this I will just have to wait and see how it goes.

I'd appreciate links or sources for your research. I get my information from Adventures in Tandem Nursing, which is an LLL book. LLL does tons of research about breastfeeding, so I trust it as a source. If you're getting that info from a doc, well, truth be told, most docs don't know much about nursing while pregnant.

[mikesgirl64]

My daughter is 11 months now and we are starting to ttc. I have to agree with others. Just wait and see how you feel then. Before I got pg I was never going to nurse - now I can't imagine stopping. Having children close together is very important to us so we can't wait to give her a sibling, but I plan on nursing her as long as she needs. It just means I get to eat more. Hopefully like others said nursing her will help ease her transition from singleton to big sister.

[caedmyn]

IMO most doctors don't know much about most things...but that's a whole 'nother topic!

A couple of links:
www.westonaprice.org/children/breastfeed.html
http://www.westonaprice.org/children...d_discuss.html
www.westonaprice.org/bookreviews/laleche.html
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/ifyoua...nt/index.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/cases.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/evidence.shtml

[alegna]

I would not wean a baby before 2 years. Everything I've read says that humans NEED milk for at least 2 years. Why would I take that away and replace it with a truly substandard replacement? It is not ethically acceptable in my book to short change the first child for the second.

-Angela

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

IMO most doctors don't know much about most things...but that's a whole 'nother topic!

A couple of links:
www.westonaprice.org/children/breastfeed.html
http://www.westonaprice.org/children...d_discuss.html
www.westonaprice.org/bookreviews/laleche.html
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/ifyoua...nt/index.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/cases.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/evidence.shtml

I have also read extensively about nursing while pg and EVERY other source says that the line is baby, bmilk, mother. The mother's body will break down it's back up resources to guarantee the healthiness of the baby. Secondly, the milk will not decrease noticably in quality.

I'm not sure what the blue ribbon baby sites are supposed to be proving, but I have a hard time accepting the other site--- as it's motto is "Successful Breastfeeding and Successful Alternatives" (almost sounds like a formula ad).

[Parker'smommy]

Surprisingly, I thought like you too....and I am a person that feels the need to manage everything!!!

But....I then looked at my one year old BABY and there was NO way I could wean him. He needed me AND my milk. There was no way I could put the needs of an UNCONCEIVED child above the one I had right there and now...and at my breast. It just seemed selfish of me to wean him just so I could conceive sibling. What if I didn't get pregnant? or right away? How would I feel then?

As it is, I ended up getting pregnant a few months after his second birthday and I was still nursing him. I did a lot of research, and knew that my body would care for my unborn child. Women have been doing it for years....nursing through pregnancy, and tandem nursing. It is not some new fad...its been occurring naturally....since the beginning of time.

I nursed my ds into my 8 th month of pregnancy with no ill effects at all. My goodness....my dd weighed 9 pounds 4 ounces....I'm POSITIVE she was getting plenty of nutrition!!!

But I agree with the rest of posters that say that you should see how you feel at a year. And I urge you to ask yourself how you would feel to wean a child that NEEDS your milk and then not get pregnant.

[turtlemama77]

Originally Posted by caedmyn

IMO most doctors don't know much about most things...but that's a whole 'nother topic!

A couple of links:
www.westonaprice.org/children/breastfeed.html
http://www.westonaprice.org/children...d_discuss.html
www.westonaprice.org/bookreviews/laleche.html
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/ifyoua...nt/index.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/cases.shtml
www.blueribbonbaby.org/evidence.shtml

Thanks. I've just had a chance to skim some of the information, but I did look up the Weston Price Foundation, where the information comes from. It looks like this foundation supports agriculture/dairy industry...I don't know a lot about it, but it does look like the information is slanted in favor of these industries. This concerns me because isn't formula made from milk/dairy? I'll read more, but I'd be interested in what you have to say to this, or if you could tell us more about the Weston Price Foundation.