C-section Mommas

[alicia9178]

I ended up with an emergency C-section after an induction 4 weeks early for PIH. I am still having a hard time "dealing" with the C-section...after a planned homebirth. My baby is going to be 5 weeks old on Thursday and is BEAUTIFUL and is such a blessing. I am happy as can be to be with her and I feel satisfied with her and blessed. I am still mourning the loss of my birthing her though. Is that crazy?
Alicia

[mirpmama]

absolutely NOT crazy!! i am dealing with it too.....my beautiful wonderful daughter will be here 2 weeks on thursday....it was a scheduled c-section coz she was breech and would not turn...i figured i would handle it fine, other then the fear of how long the recovery would be, coz i am an epidural girl (i know - frowned on here at MDC but that is me....) anyway - i thought - ok, no labor - no big deal - but OMG i am mourning the loss of labor and delivery sooooo bad....i dont feel like i gave birth to her, i feel like i had surgery and got a baby......i am totally grateful that she is here safe and sound and truly that is all that matters....but it is much harder than i thought it would be, though my physial recovery is going much fater than i was told it would.....

[ozzyemm]

Itotally agree: it is OK to grieve your lost birth!

I had 25 hours of natural labor with DS. At the last minute (I was 9 cm!) his heartbeat decelerated and I had an emer.c/s.

I had actually been scheduled for a c-section, because he was breech, and wouldn't move. I went into labor the day before sched. C/S, and he was head down!

Anyway, someimes I wish I had just let them give me the sched. cs as planned. That way, I could have seen Michael come out.

As it was,noone was there for his birth-- DH and doula both had to stay outside.

I grieve that I don't know what color he was when he came out, I don't know what his apgars were, I don't know if he was crying or quiet.

It actually took me several weeks to realize this is MY baby, he did come out of me (I have the scar to prove it!).

So, lots of s to you mama. I know what you are going through.

[alicia9178]

Thank you so much both of you. I thought I was crazy because I too felt like I had surgery and someone just "gave" me the baby. After previously having all vaginal births, it was horrible to not see my baby be born and I felt a disconnection as a result of that. I love her to death, but I felt differently at first...it was like I had to get to know her, where with my others I had an instant connection after birthing them. Thank you so much for reminding me that I am not crazy
Alicia

[Lolafanana]

I feel the same way. I was planning on a natural, med free, water birth but Elaina had a different agenda. She was head down throughout my entire pregnancy until week 37 when she flipped to a breech position. After trying acupuncture, exercise and just about everything imaginable, she just refused to turn. I went in to the hospital to see if they could do a manual version and they said that I had been leaking fluid for awhile and that my fluid was very low and needed to have a C-section right then. I didn't even go into labor! This is my first one so I was really looking forward to labor and experiencing the entire birthing process. And while she's here and she's beautiful, I feel like I didn't give her a proper birth. It's been three weeks and I'm still having issues with it. I am trying to mourn and get past it but it's been really difficult. I struggled with the baby blues for the first 2 weeks (its getting MUCH better) and feel that the C-section had a lot to do with it. I did not instantly connect with her and am still connecting more and more everyday.

So mommas, I feel for all of you. I am really glad you guys posted. It definatly makes me feel a little less crazy knowing there are others going through this as well.

[MAMom]

Originally Posted by alicia9178

I am still mourning the loss of my birthing her though. Is that crazy? Alicia

Not at all! I still am dealing with my c-section from almost 3 years ago.

A book I found really helpful was Birth as a Healing Experience

I also went to counseling before getting pregnant with my next baby to help me deal with my emotions about the c-section.

[mamasittingduck]

add me to the list of heavy hearted c section mamas. everything just totally got out of control and my peaceful birth center water birth quickly turned into induction with a ripening agent, then pitocin, full out crazy labor without meds to stalled out and excruciating pain at 5 cm. she wouldn't progress. i felt i had reached my end due to the insane back labor/posterior positioning and agreed to an epidural. hours later, i was still 5 cm...... doctor said, have to do a c-section....... every medical intervention i didn't want i ended up getting. it's so sad to think about, and that the first time i saw her was literally one second that the doctor showed her to me and then wisked her away, like all the discovery channel shows......

i feel like such a statistic.

on top of it all, i am so anxious almost every moment of the day and had no idea it would be so hard.

sherri

[alicia9178]

I really wish there was a support thread for C-section mommas here on Mothering. I know I could really use a group to vent to and discuss feelings. People who have not had sections just don't always understand.
Alicia

[mirpmama]

there is one in birth and beyond....i posted to it right after my section and the mama that responded was VERY supportive.... http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=400549
check it out....it does not seem to active - but if we start posting - or start a new one for march i am sure it will pick up!

[Is3enough]

I am so sorry that you Mommies are going through the grief of a c-section. I have had 3 of them. The first was traumatic and by the time they did it I was so greatful they did because I had pushed so long and the baby was just too big for me to get out! I was of course torn up that I couldn't do it and that I hardly remember it because I was so exhausted that even though I was "awake" I wasn't really awake! But as soon as I had rested through the rest of the night and awoke the next morning and got a real good look at my baby I was IN love! He was perfect and he nursed so well. I felt like he was really mine.
The second baby was to be a VBAC but that didn't work out for us either because another large baby was expected and my heart was acting up again so a c-section was planned last minute before I went into labor.
The third was a planned c-section from the start because I had already had two and nobody my insurance would allow me to see would do a VBAC on a woman that had had 2 sections, WA is weird like that. By that point I was okay with it because I had more then come to terms with it since I had had two already and hadn't known any other feeling then doing it this way.
So I wish I could say I understand fully the feelings of loss from not having a natural delivery since I don't know how it feels to do it naturally, but I hope that it will not be to hard on you to come to terms with it. I do understand the disappointment though of not getting what you want. Many hugs to you all!!