Itotally agree: it is OK to grieve your lost birth!
I had 25 hours of natural labor with DS. At the last minute (I was 9 cm!) his heartbeat decelerated and I had an emer.c/s.
I had actually been scheduled for a c-section, because he was breech, and wouldn't move. I went into labor the day before sched. C/S, and he was head down!
Anyway, someimes I wish I had just let them give me the sched. cs as planned. That way, I could have seen Michael come out.
As it was,noone was there for his birth-- DH and doula both had to stay outside.
I grieve that I don't know what color he was when he came out, I don't know what his apgars were, I don't know if he was crying or quiet.
It actually took me several weeks to realize this is MY baby, he did come out of me (I have the scar to prove it!).
So, lots of
s to you mama. I know what you are going through.